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Bruce what are the French benefits that we don't get? Is ignorance bliss?

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There was this great commercial that I saw like two times. There was the guy in the office that is always wrong about things (that's me) and the other people in the office are explaining all of his misunderstandings to him. I only remember where they're saying "We get fringe benefits, it's not French benefits, and it's the leaning tower of Pisa, not the leaning tower of pizza".

Then he says "You mean we don't get French benefits"?

I laughed so hard when I saw that it just stuck in my brain. \:\)


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Dear Rona Gallus,
Is it true that Bruce's fine thespian work with primetime shows like MST2K and The Nanny have provided the springboard an actor of his caliber needs to vault to the highest of all Hollywood aspirations? Can you confirm the tinseltown buzz that Bruce's boyishly good looks, Peter Sellers charisma, and big hair have firmly positioned him as the next James Bond? Is it true that he is starring in the lead role as -007 in the feature film Goldenrod, the next Bond thriller about an ordinary fly-fisherman leading a double life as a secret-agent with a license to fish? I look forward to seeing his dashing good looks once again on the silver screen, his goldenrod catching fish one day and foiling the bad guys the next. Is it also true that the screenplay will be penned by the famous literary duo of Burgermeister and Heronblu? I hear Lou Heronblu is being courted by the Hollywood moguls to come out of retirement and rejoin Burgermeister to write this blockbuster. I surely hope so; Ian Fleming's earlier portrayals were flimsy and bland by comparison.

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It's all true, Brettski. Bruce is slated to be the new Bond, provided his prima-donna-esque demands can be met by the studio. In detail, these are:

1) Hedy Lamar and Ava Gardner to be reanimated, cloned, or exhumed as zombies to star as the film's "Bond Girls". Hedy is to play to evil Bond Girl, Berry A-lure-ing, while Ava is to be the good Bond Girl, Dr. Ima Goodbait.

2) Bond Villian Icthian Redear, to be portrayed by the late Boris Karloff (or his Chiropractor in a cape), must threaten Bond with death by immersion in a freshwater tank of 5,000 ... no, I can't give it away.

3) No aliens, gumball machines, or lacrosse equipment to be allowed in the first row at the theaters.

4) Bond's favorite drink to be shown as Diet Mountain Dew, "shaken, not stirred".


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Bruce as Goldenrod, I like it. To bad William Conrad is dead, he could have been Bruce's stunt double. As I remember he looked pretty mean fly fishing in a set of waders on TV when I was a kid. Sorry I couldn’t locate a picture of old Cannon in waders. Maybe someone else can find one.


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 Quote:
Originally posted by FamilyTradition:
Bruce as Goldenrod, I like it. To bad William Conrad is dead, he could have been Bruce's stunt double.
Today you are a man, my son!

I couldn't find any pix of William Conrad either, but there is this one of Bruce with Buddy Ebsen:

Bruce is the one on the left.


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"On Goldenrod Pond" an HB/BM production

Once upon a time in a land for away...cut

In the deep, dark depths of his troubled mind...wait

Little Red, Riding in the Hood...fugetaboutit!

\:o Help me out Heronblu. I need a JD..hold the DMD


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It was the best of times and the worst of times -- no that won't work either.

Where is "Mudcat Joe " when you need him.

ROFLOL \:D
















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Four score and seven....wait, that's no good either.


Excerpt from Robert Crais' "The Monkey's Raincoat:"
"She took another microscopic bite of her sandwich, then pushed it away. Maybe she absorbed nutrients from her surroundings."

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Call me Ishmael.....


Excerpt from Robert Crais' "The Monkey's Raincoat:"
"She took another microscopic bite of her sandwich, then pushed it away. Maybe she absorbed nutrients from her surroundings."

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i think the whole setting should be futuristic, outside the gravitational bonds of earth, where 007 must sabotage the network of spy and weapons satellites deployed by none other than the mailicous little dictator with the Napoleon complext, kim jong krill ........"A POND IN SPACE" an HB/BM production......i'll take a meagar consultants/royalites fee in small unmarked bills please \:\)


GSF are people too!

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OMG...and its only October...what hapens as the winter blahs set in? Or do I really want to know? LSHIFIMP...= laughing so hard I fell in my pond. :p \:D


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Let me offer an long overdue explantion for the picture of myself with Mr. Ebsen.

As you can tell by the terse expressions, there wasn't much love lost between the two of us. In fact, this was the last picture ever taken of the two of us together. As most of you know, this picture was the cover of Look Magazine, aptly entitled "Ebsen Shut Out At Oscars".

During a younger more innocent time, Buddy and I (or as he preferred to be called, Pietr when in a playful mood) would spend evenings together over a red wine discussing pond management issues with Joe Paterno, who was a student manager/assistant at Morningside Teacher's College. Ebsen was always an advocate of the "throw the bluegills on the bank for the coons to eat" school, and would rarely back down from his position, even when shown scientific evidence to the contrary. Paterno would always inexplicably advocate a "Gafilte Fish" option which made no sense to any of us at the table, but sometimes the women would giggle at the mention. It was about this time that it became evident that Ebsen was developing a twitch in the left side of his face which I mistakenly identified as Tourette's syndrome when in the presence of paparazzi. Of course the press ran with this and it cost Ebsen some much needed respect in Hollywood which he would never regain. He never forgave me for this and the rest is history.

After the photo was taken there were many years without contact between Mr. Ebsen and myself. To my severe misfortune, though, Pietr got his ultimate revenge in the form of some misinformation from his agent that led me to ultimately turn down the role opposite Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. We all know that Gere failed miserably in his effort and that the movie might have been quite a hit had I played the lead.


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Dr. Bruce,

Time to get the "happy gas" connections checked again at the office.


20 acres of trees & 3/4 acre pond.

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ROFLMAO \:D \:\)


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OMG I forgot what happens when I don't keep a regular check on you guys. When did someone start emailing/faxing DMD to all the members? The sugar intake slipped through the "diet" part.
I too am worried about the "cabin fever" days (if we survive that long, lol). \:D

Deb


Do fish actually kiss?


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Bruce's eloquent delivery of spell binding stories is better than listening to Studs Terkel on NPR. I could read his posts over and over, then close my eyes as the characters come to life in my mind's eye. Donna-ski will often catch me dreamily living vicariously through Bruce's velvety posts. She, knowing of my transcendental yearning to walk through the monitor screen and join his stories, will often crack the back of my head with a pot or pan to cause the stars and birds that she knows add so very much to my cyber journey. The deep, therapeutic sleep that immediately ensues completes the cycle. Ahhh, refreshed again.

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Brettski hun, were you by chance at Woodstock? And if so did you inhale? \:D :p \:D

edit: I think I might get edited tonight on my first trip back in awhile, lol.

OK, I did it. Good to see you back.


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Deb why edit you - you edited yourself. :p

Its those gas happy pirates again. Just wait until they get on the gas and try to fry up those stuffed CSBG that CB1 created for Bruce. You will be able to hear the screaming and gnashing of teeth all the way from D.I.E.D.'s in Calif. to Russ's in N.Y. -- Rad may even be able to hear it in Chumpon Thailand . \:D ;\) :p
















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A fine, fine piece of writing.


Excerpt from Robert Crais' "The Monkey's Raincoat:"
"She took another microscopic bite of her sandwich, then pushed it away. Maybe she absorbed nutrients from her surroundings."

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 Quote:
Originally posted by Brettski:
...Peter Sellers charisma
Nice \:\)


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 Quote:
Originally posted by dave in el dorado ca:
...kim jong krill
How did I miss this the first time through?? I am laughing my you know what off. \:\) \:\) \:\) \:\) \:D \:D


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 Quote:
Originally posted by Theo Gallus:
...Bond Villian Icthian Redear
No mas, no mas! \:D


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Theo my hero I'm signing up for the convention when I wake up this afternoon. This thread pushed me right over the edge.


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Just a brief update.

I was eating brunch at "Chez Guano" with Pat Swayze and Linda Lavin. We were taking verbal jabs at the group at the other table, namely that traveling circus they call the Baldwin Brothers, when, to my utter shock our meal is delivered to us by none other than Mr. Ebsen himself.

Well, I certainly didn't want to make a scene, so I gracefully accepted the food, a lovely roast duck and salsa, and proceeded to eat, resuming the original conversation. Ebsen walks off, almost as if he didn't notice that it was me.

Once the meal was completed, we headed to the door, and as was our custom, I expected Lavin to pick up the gratuity. Well, as fortune would have it, she assumed it was Swayze's turn, and that's where it all turned ugly.

Ebsen meets me at the door, nudges me square in the middle of the chest and says, "Hey, how 'bout a little something for the effort?"

Not wanting to embarrass my lady friend, I kept my head down and continued on my way to the safety of the open foyer just outside the door, but Ebsen would have none of it. Suddenly he goes into some kind of yellow-belt, confrontational pose, and even at his advanced age was a menacing sight to all of us. Six foot, six inches of geriatric whoop-butt comin' at me at the speed of sound! Just when I thought I was going to the wood shed, Ebsen reaches back and grabs his hamstring. Evidently Swayze had the piece of mind to slip his steak knife into the breast pocket of his smoking jacket. Once again one of Ebsen's evil plans was foiled, but for me, big lesson learned.



Last edited by Bruce Condello; 09/24/07 10:08 PM. Reason: How would I know? I don't even know why I wrote the piece to begin with.

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