Pond Boss Forums GENERAL QUESTIONS Pond Boss Wikipedia Article on Bruce Condello

NOTE: I found this article on Dr. Condello while surfing the web. Like all Wikipedia articles, it appears to be spot-on accurate.

Bruce Condello
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Bruce Condello (June 6, 1963 – Present) is a Lincoln, Nebraska Dentist, Aquaculturist, and Outdoor Sportswriter. He is best known for his previous careers in show business and for his prolific success in the field of sportfishing.

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Early Years[/size]
He was born Bruce Topwater Condello in Pine Barrens, New Jersey, to Francesco Benito Condello, a bookmaker, and Nadine Bantam Condello, a radio quizmaster. He was reared in New Jersey until the age of three, when his family moved to Lincoln, Nebraska.

He graduated from Northeast High School in 1981 and was named class Sanitorian. He was also voted “Most Likely to Be Killed in a Bowling Ball Cleaner Accident.” Initially interested in a career as a live animal trainer and exotic dancer, Condello attended the University of Nebraska in Lincoln from 1981 to 1985, and then went to Discount Eddie’s Crazy Dental School. Family financial problems caused by the collapse of International Socialism forced him to work his way through school in various fields of entertainment.


Acting Career
Condello earliest experiences in show business involved work as a body double. His first big break came replacing Brigitte Bardot in the bikini wax scene in the film ”And God Created Women.” He later had more gender-correct roles doubling for Fred Ward in films such as “Tremors” and “Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins”. Condello’s body double work came to an end when he sank an actual surplus Mercury space capsule, valued at $10 million, during the filming of “The Right Stuff”; although the footage of this fiasco was later used in the film, due to the monetary loss the studio refused to list him in the credits. The incident also resulted in his being blackballed by the Body Double Guild.

Bruce Condello and Fred Ward on the set of “Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins”

Undaunted, Condello begin working as an actor. Following several bit parts, he achieved minor stardom in writer/actor/director Coleman Francis’ epic struggle “Red Zone Cuba”, where he won an Oscar for what was undoubtedly the most gripping portrayal of a death by gangrene ever filmed.

Bruce Condello with gangrene

Following several films with favorite costar Ava Gardner, he accepted a guest role on the television series “The Beverly Hillbillies” and began his decades long love-hate relationship with actor Buddy Ebsen. The two alternated between working together on several successful projects and suffering a number of notable blowups in such prominent locales as The Brown Derby, 21, and the Tournament of Roses Parade. The pair last appeared together in cameo performances in the action film “Unnecessary Violence.”

The last joint Condello and Ebsen project was the critically acclaimed television pilot “The Pope and The Chimp.” Despite predictions that this combination buddy/detective series would undoubtedly sweep the awards shows, Ebsen refused to let the pilot be aired and destroyed all copies of it, stating “I’m not going to win an Emmy for 'Best Work with Dogs and Monkeys'.” Condello was heartbroken and left acting for good. The two managed a brief reconciliation in 2003 on Ebsen’s death bed, before Condello found out that the older actor had not mentioned him in his will.

Condello learns he is not in Ebsen's will


Musical Career
On the advice of friend and mentor Ringo Starr, Condello next pursued a career as a Rock Drummer. He replaced Ginger Baker in Ginger Baker’s Air Force, a gig that was unsuccessful in part due to his inability to hold a drumstick without constantly trying to cast and retrieve with it. A series of lessons from such greats as Buddy Rich, Carmine Appice, and Ainsley Dunbar, given in exchange for cosmetic dental work, allowed him to overcome this problem, and he spent several years as the drummer for the band Night Ranger

Night Ranger, counterclockwise from top left:
Brettski, Bruce Condello, Dave in El Dorado, jeffhasapond, Dave Willis



Writing Career
Forced to retire from the music business due to an allergy to spandex pants, he turned to the field of newspaper reporting. Condello had been employed briefly while in high school as a substitute obituary writer for the Lincoln Journal Star, and was able to return to this job during a lengthy convalescence that saw him unable to wear any clothing from the waist down. After regaining the ability to wear pants, he faked the death of the Journal Star’s chief outdoor columnist (who was actually just taking a three day weekend), and parlayed a brilliant fishing story obituary into a job replacing him. He wrote a large number of articles, chiefly on fishing, for the Journal Star, and has since expanded his writing experiences to include Pond Boss Magazine and the Lady Mortician's Home Gazette.
Condello Journal Star Articles


Fishing Exploits
Researching articles for the Journal Star led Condello to spend an inordinate amount of time angling. During this period, he collected several International Fish and Game Association light and improvised tackle world records, including landing a 36 pound Striped Bass using a paper clip and a shoestring. This record was later disallowed by the IFGA when it was determined that Condello had actually utilized a bootlace. A number of his other fishing records were disputed over the years by rivals claiming Condello’s six foot long arms make photographs of his catches appear much larger than they actually are.

Condello and an 8 inch long striped bass

Disillusioned by competitive fishing, he acquired a failed chicken ranch not far from Lincoln in the Nebraska Dells, renamed it the “Conderosa”, and constructed several small ponds on it in order to raise his own fish. After just three years, Condello qualified as a real aquaculturist by killing his one millionth fish.

Condello becomes a real Aquaculturist

Not satisfied with the state of the art in fish breeding, Condello has developed his own strains of Bluegill (Lepomis machrochirus condello) and Redear Sunfish (Lepomis microlophus carnivorous) and is reportedly conducting terrible experiments on Yellow Perch, possibly utilizing gene-splicing technology.


Lepomis machrochirus condello


Lepomis microlophus carnivorous


Condello's Lab Assistant and his Yellow Perch experiments


Personal Life
In 1987, Condello married his dental school sweetheart, the former Marlene Wotzernaam. They have two daughters, Kayla and Shelby, who both have perfect teeth. The girls both share their father’s passions for improvising fishing tackle and tuna wrestling.


Quotes
“You’re not a real aquaculturist until you’ve killed a million fish.”

“Well, there goes $10 million.”

“I’ll be done after one more cast, Honey”

WOW!

it must be true...I found it on the internet !
Nice work, Rona

Bravo!

Another PB classic !!!!!

As usual Wikipedia left out some important life history episodes. The section on "Fishing Exploits" should include the following :

During a lull between his fish catching and fish breeding periods Dr. Condello became interested in fish creation. This period is when the good Doc started using assumed names , Dr. Frankenbruce and conducted research on genetic manipulation and pirate historical events. In his pirate capacity his assumed name was Black Jack Kidd. In one now famous incident he became disturbed that others ( Cecil Baird and Bill Cody) were getting ahead of him on giant BG and YP research that he undertook a mid-winter secret espionage mission to land his boggie board on their then frozen ponds and collect samples for reverse engineering. Unfourtantialy being dressed for California weather (see pic below) his bare skin stuck to the ice on Baird's pond stripping his feet of skin. This was reported in an unpublished report on the Pond Boss Forum.( http://www.pondboss.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=61774&fpart=2 ).

Holy cow! I just got on the forum and that's the absolutely funniest thing I've ever seen!!! Is there any way we can get it on the real wikipedia??

BY FAR, the funniest part to me was the 8-inch striper comment. My wife looked at me as I was doubled over with "that look", like "you goof ball...what are you laughing at NOW".

I don't think that striper was even 8"!

I'm still angry at Bruce for breaking up Night Ranger. We had such a good gig going. Big shows, big wallets, big hair. What more could a guy ask for. But suddenly Bruce "develops" an "allergy to spandex pants" and requires a private nurse to "powder his parts" before each show. The $1,000 bills for treatment were killing us. I'm still not sure that the "Naughty Nurses Come To You" was a legitimate nursing agency. Oh well, water under the bridge as they say.

In retrospect, your run would likely have been over by now anyway, big hair having, well, gone out of style seems a polite way to put it.


LSHIFIMP!

Speechless! It is amazing. That is exactly how I have always pictured the Doc's life before PB.

Isn't this Bruce guy the one with the pink hat too? Too funny, how creative!

Didn't Bruce also star in several episodes of the Trailer Park Boys? I believe he played Bubbles until Mike Smith took over the part.

A few people have obtained a genius status in one discipline; some of us in 2 or 3 disciplines. Theo, on the other hand, has obtained that intellectual status in many mental and creative categories. He has multiple engineering degrees; is a whiz in electrical, math, aero space, agriculture, fish killing, literary composing, music, fence building, BSing; to name a few. Truly remarkable.

Name that talent........

Nerdiness?

Complete geek?

Bubbles?

I got that all wrong. It was Theo that played Bubbles in the Trailer Park Boys series.

Stop it! You guys are making me blush.

Pot calling the kettle black...

Well, Bruce's 15 minutes of fame are over...