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1. Redear sunfish are always angry.
2. Redear sunfish don't sleep--they wait.
3. If you can see a redear sunfish, he can see you. If you can't see the redear sunfish, you may be only seconds away from death.
4. A redear sunfish refers to himself in the fourth person.
5. If a redear sunfish could push a button to eliminate every yellow perch on the planet, he would.
6. Similar to a Russian Nesting Doll, if you were to break open a redear sunfish you would find another redear sunfish, only smaller and angrier.
7. A redear sunfish's calender goes straight from March 30th to April 2nd--nobody fools a redear sunfish.


Holding a redear sunfish is like running with scissors.
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LOL! Bruce would you please explain 3, 4 and 6 to someone with no redear sunfish experience. :rolleyes: :p


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Bruce what happened to cause such a post about RES? Did several or a trophy fin you and wee on you and get away? \:D ;\) :p
















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8. When it comes time to pay taxes, a redear sunfish simply sends a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. A redear sunfish has not had to pay taxes--ever.


Holding a redear sunfish is like running with scissors.
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 Quote:
Originally posted by PondsForFun:
LOL! Bruce would you please explain 3, 4 and 6 to someone with no redear sunfish experience. :rolleyes: :p
Bruce is off today. Need I say more? :p


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A RES has no reflection in the mirror.

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Dear Dr Frankenbruce,
I am working on completion of a new pond and contemplating stocking it with only Redear Sunfish. I have read, tho, that they can be mean, agressive, and act with deadly force. I am a firm believer that negative attitude can be influenced to positive change, given the correct environment. For this reason, I have decided to make this same pond a waterpark with wave action and waterslides. This will generate fun and frolic for both the humans and the Redear Sunfish. I am certain this carnival atmosphere will surely draw out the playful side of RES, creating lasting postive memories.
Do you foresee any unanticipated problems with my plan?
Signed,
Fun loving fish guy

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I can just see the headlines:

New Waterpark Disaster!

3 Dead, 12 injured, 17 missing in the worst waterpark disaster in US history. One man was hauled away in chains after putting innocent people in the proximity of killer fish. He is said to be facing life plus 400 years. The legislature is considering the banishment of RES in all waters public and private. Bruce Condello, the breeder of the killer fish could not be contacted for comment. His lawyer said charges are pending.


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 Quote:
Originally posted by Bruce Condello:
7. A redear sunfish's calender goes straight from March 30th to April 2nd--nobody fools a redear sunfish.
Apparently nobody can March 31st a Redear either. :rolleyes:

The Redears been ganging up on you lately, Bruce? They were biting pretty good here today.


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9. The boogeyman can't sleep because he's afraid there's a redear sunfish in his closet.


Holding a redear sunfish is like running with scissors.
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10. How many Redears does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they make those wimpy Bluegill do it for them.


"Live like you'll die tomorrow, but manage your grass like you'll live forever."
-S. M. Stirling
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 Quote:
Originally posted by Brettski:

Do you foresee any unanticipated problems with my plan?
None whatsoever, unless you consider everyone dying a problem...


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Now I'm scared to go my pond.

Thanks.

Thanks a lot.


Excerpt from Robert Crais' "The Monkey's Raincoat:"
"She took another microscopic bite of her sandwich, then pushed it away. Maybe she absorbed nutrients from her surroundings."

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What happens when they send the national guard to the pond to take out the last RES ?

Just like in "Rambo" they need a lot more body bags.
















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11. The redear sunfish crossed the road. Nobody ever dared question his motives.


Holding a redear sunfish is like running with scissors.
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You could write a booklet:

"Inside these pages is a list of all the creatures meaner than a redear sunfish".

Inside would be a dozen blank pages! :rolleyes:


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Largemouth bass kill from instinct. Striped bass hybrids kill for sustenance.

Redear sunfish kill because they're bored of torturing.


Holding a redear sunfish is like running with scissors.
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If you want to keep your beer cold hold it next to a Redear Sunfish's heart.


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Ok, I have to ask, I am not sure i have caught or seen a Redear Sunfish. What have you seen them do that makes them so mean?

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It is caused by a Napoleon complex.

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Holding a redear sunfish is like running with scissors.
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Bruce, I take it that this fish is verbally berating you, as well as defecating on you as you hold him?

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Geeze Bruce - that thing is a freakin monster...very impressive indeed!

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 Quote:
Geeze Bruce - that thing is a freakin monster...very impressive indeed!
...illusion. Bruce has very tiny hands (occupation advantage)
It should be noted, tho, that the "come hither" stare is bone chilling
 Quote:
Bruce, I take it that this fish if verbally berating you
...either that, or a rendition of "Take me to the river".
-
(beauty!)

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That "THANG", whatever it is, would scare off most of my LMB!



It gives me the heebie jeebies just staring into it's eyes.

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(all kidding aside - that is one heck of a nice fish Bruce)


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