Pond Boss Forums GENERAL QUESTIONS Pond Boss Post a joke...

I'll go first:


Chicken wire

Sitting on my porch drinking my morning coffee. A boy was walking down the street dragging some chicken wire. I asked the boy what he was doing with that chicken wire. He said he was going to catch some chickens. I said boy you can't catch no chickens with that wire. Its for keeping chickens in a pen.
He said I will catch some chickens and took off. Several hours later he came back by with about 10 chickens all bound up in that wire. I said boy how you catch them chickens? He said you don’t worry about it and kept walking.

Next morning same boy walks by with a roll of duck tape. I said boy what you doing with that duck tape. He said I am going to catch me some ducks. I said boy I know your crazy now, you cant catch no ducks with duck tape.


I’ll catch them ducks, and off he went. Several hours later here he comes with about 30 ducks all wound up in duck tape. I said boy how did you catch them ducks. He said don’t you worry about and kept walking.

Next morning here he comes again dragging a branch. I said boy where you going with that branch & what kind of tree did that come from.
Boys said it’s a pussy willow limb, I said hold on let me get my hat I am coming with you.

My favorite animal.....


Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken." She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed.Myparents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA.
He said they love animals very much. I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef.
Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again. The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was.
I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.
She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.
I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am. Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous person I admired most.
I told her, "Colonel Sanders." Guess where I am now?

Whats the difference between a woman from Indiana and a catfish? One has whiskers and stinks, the other is a fish.

You know what the blind man said that passed the fish market? Hellooooooo Ladies!

Something tells me it's a matter of time before someone gets offended by this thread.

That might depend on how clean it stays. Remember Bob's rules.

Gotta love those kids and "chicken wire"! Nice one Cecil .

State troopers have an open door policy... They open their cruiser door, you're getting a ticket.

As I was leaving the lake, the Game and Parks guy asked to look in my cooler. Once he saw that it was full of fish he started to get out his book.

Whatcha doin I asked?

Son, do you realize the fine for having so many fish when there's obviously a limit to what you can keep?

Realizing he was new and having to think fast, I said "I didn't catch those, they're my pet fish, and they're trained". He kept writing.

"Officer, I'm serious, and I can prove it!" "I bring them from home to let them swim in the lake, then when I whistle they come back and I take 'em back home!"

Seeing his befuddled look I take the cooler to the shore, pour out the fish, close up the cooler and start walking to my truck.

The officer says "wait right there buddy! Whistle them fish back in"

I just simply looked at him and said "what fish?"

Did you hear about the Texas State Trooper hiding behind the overpass but not having any luck with anyone speeding? Finally a guy goes flying by and gets pulled over. The trooper says, "Son I've been waiting for you all day!" Without skipping a beat the guy replies, "Well I got here as fast as I could!".

Question: How do you catch a unique rabbit?



Answer: Unique up on it.

Little Johnny comes down to breakfast and sees nothing on the table.
Johnny: mom, where is my breakfast?
Mom: you have to do your chores first.
Little Johnny leaves and comes back to find a bowl of cereal at the table.
Johnny: where is the milk for my cereal?
Mom: I saw you kick one of the cows when you were feeding them, so no milk for a
week for you.
Johnny: well then, where are my eggs and bacon?
Mom: I saw you kick the chickens when you were feeding them and the pigs too, so
no eggs and bacon for a week.
At that moment little Johnny's dad comes down stairs and kicks the cat half way across the room.
Johnny: Mom, should I tell him or do you want to?

It's so dry at Lake Arrowhead we have catfish that are 3 years old and don't know how to swim.

Putin: Knock, knock

Obama: Who's there?

Putin: Crimea

Obama: Crimea who?

Putin: Cry me a river.

Weird Monkey

Two guys were at a zoo feeding monkeys. They noticed that one particular monkey would catch the peanuts and stick each one up his butt before eating it!
A zoo attendant came by and they showed what the monkey was doing.
The zoo attendant stated " Oh, that's Roscoe --some folks from Arkansas came by a few weeks ago and throwed him some peaches. He ate seeds and all and the seeds tore his a**hole up and he now checks everything before eating!"

Undeniable Adult Truths

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection, again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Jeans? Jeans never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

22. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey -
but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1 .7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.

24. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.

esshup...#25, You can't pull your knee up to your chin when putting your socks on any more.

#26, If its to loud, you're to old .

An 80 year old Man goes to the doctor for a check up. The doctor asks him, "Anything new?" The old man proudly says, "Heck yeah I got my 22 year old wife pregnant!"

The doctor replies with, "Hmmm... Are you sure? The old man not liking his tone says, "What do you mean?"

The doctors says, "Regarding the Kennedy assassination what do you really think?"

The old man perks up and says, "Well obviously there were two shooters!"

"My point exactly'" says the doctor.

why did sally fall out of the swing?
because she had no arms


knock knock
who's there
it ain't sally

ATTENTION MEN......Health Care ALERT

Let this be a warning to those of you who drink beer!



This is alarming


Beer contains female hormones! Yes, that's right, FEMALE hormones!





Last month, Montreal University and scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption. The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain Phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women. To test the theory, 100 men each drank 8 schooners of beer within a one (1) hour period.


It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects, yes, 100% of all these men:-




1) Argued over nothing.



2) Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.




3) Gained weight.




4) Talked excessively without making sense.





5) Became overly emotional





6) Couldn't drive.





7) Failed to think rationally, and





8) Had to sit down while urinating.



No further testing was considered necessary!!

Hmmm.....a couple of obvious responses leap to mind, but discretion triumphs.

Mrs Brown and her hubby are shopping in their local supermarket.

The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.

"What do you think you're doing?" asks Mrs Brown.

"They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans" he replies.

"Put them back, we can't afford them" demands the wife, and they carry on shopping.

A few aisles farther on, Mrs Brown picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.

"What do you think you're doing?" asks her husband.

"It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful," she replies.

Her husband retorts:

"So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it's half the price."

Last time I saw Mr Brown- he was sprawled out on the floor in Aisle 5.

New aquaculture species. Said to grow to 300# within 6 months if given the proper food. There's rumors that it is on the ballot to be the Arkansas state fish.



Called an Arkansas Razorfin.

The hams look a little small on that thing.