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Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 7,615 Likes: 5
Ambassador Field Correspondent Lunker
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Ambassador Field Correspondent Lunker
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 7,615 Likes: 5 |
Sent to me by my Mom:
If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, 'Who's on First?' might have turned out something like this:
*** COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT *** ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO : Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.
ABBOTT : Mac?
COSTELLO : No, the name's Lou.
ABBOTT : Your computer?
COSTELLO : I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
ABBOTT : Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.
ABBOTT : What about Windows?
COSTELLO : Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
ABBOTT : Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO : I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?
ABBOTT : Wallpaper.
COSTELLO : Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
ABBOTT : Software for Windows?
COSTELLO : No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?
ABBOTT : Office.
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT : I just did.
COSTELLO : You just did what?
ABBOTT : Recommend something.
COSTELLO : You recommended something?
ABBOTT : Yes.
COSTELLO : For my office?
ABBOTT : Yes.
COSTELLO : OK, what did you recommend for my office?
ABBOTT : Office.
COSTELLO : Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT : I recommend Office with Windows.
COSTELLO : I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
ABBOTT : Word.
COSTELLO : What word?
ABBOTT : Word in Office.
COSTELLO : The only word in office is office.
ABBOTT : The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO : Which word in office for windows?
ABBOTT : The Word you get when you click the blue 'W'.
COSTELLO : I'm going to click your blue 'W' if you don't start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO : That's right. What do you have?
ABBOTT : Money.
COSTELLO : I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT : It comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO : What's bundled with my computer?
ABBOTT : Money.
COSTELLO : Money comes with my computer?
ABBOTT : Yes. No extra charge.
COSTELLO : I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
ABBOTT : One copy.
COSTELLO : Isn't it illegal to copy money?
ABBOTT : Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
COSTELLO : They can give you a license to copy money?
ABBOTT : Why not? THEY OWN IT!
*****(A FEW DAYS LATER)*****
ABBOTT : Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO : How do I turn my computer off?
ABBOTT : Click on 'START'.............
JHAP ~~~~~~~~~~ "My mind is a raging torrent, flooded with rivulets of thought cascading into a waterfall of creative alternatives." ...Hedley Lamarr (that's Hedley not Hedy)
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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 2,086
Lunker
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Lunker
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 2,086 |
Thanks Jeff,after that last customer,I needed a laugh.
I subscribe Some days you get the dog,and some days he gets you.Every dog has his day,and sometimes he has two!
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Joined: May 2004
Posts: 13,982 Likes: 280
Moderator Lunker
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Moderator Lunker
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 13,982 Likes: 280 |
Your Mom's alright, JHAP.
"Live like you'll die tomorrow, but manage your grass like you'll live forever." -S. M. Stirling
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Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 285
Lunker
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Lunker
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 285 |
That explains a lot about you JHAP. I like your moms sense of humor
Do not tell fish stories where the people know you; but particularly, don't tell them where they know the fish. Mark Twain
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Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 7,615 Likes: 5
Ambassador Field Correspondent Lunker
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OP
Ambassador Field Correspondent Lunker
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 7,615 Likes: 5 |
The process of raising me forced my Mom to a crossroad. She had to chose between one of two paths:
1. Go completely insane.
2. Have a sense of humor.
Fortunately my Mom has a great sense of humor.
Actually, much like my father, my Mom is quite an amazing person. When I was young and raced motorcycles, everyone in our family, including my Mom owned a motorcycle. She is a trooper, unafraid of jumping into what ever adventure my father and I dreamed up and as you might imagine we concocted a great many adventures.
Being in her 70s hasn't slowed her down one bit. She volunteers at a local hospital many days each week. As a volunteer at the hospital she is the primary technical support contact for the software that tracks the hospital's volunteer hours, coordinates volunteer schedules and maintains volunteer contact information. And if that doesn't seem time consuming enough, Mom is editor of the hospital news paper.
Plus she is one hell of a shot with a rifle. Probably yet another coping skill required to raise a rambunctious young JHAP.
JHAP ~~~~~~~~~~ "My mind is a raging torrent, flooded with rivulets of thought cascading into a waterfall of creative alternatives." ...Hedley Lamarr (that's Hedley not Hedy)
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Joined: May 2004
Posts: 13,982 Likes: 280
Moderator Lunker
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Moderator Lunker
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 13,982 Likes: 280 |
... my Mom owned a motorcycle. She is a trooper ... Coworkers?
"Live like you'll die tomorrow, but manage your grass like you'll live forever." -S. M. Stirling
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Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 10,458 Likes: 2
Ambassador Field Correspondent Hall of Fame Lunker
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Ambassador Field Correspondent Hall of Fame Lunker
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 10,458 Likes: 2 |
Plus she is one hell of a shot with a rifle. Probably yet another coping skill required to raise a rambunctious young JHAP. She never actually shot you?
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Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 285
Lunker
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Lunker
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 285 |
Naw, she just winged him to teach him a lesson
Do not tell fish stories where the people know you; but particularly, don't tell them where they know the fish. Mark Twain
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Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 6,934 Likes: 2
Ambassador Field Correspondent Lunker
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Ambassador Field Correspondent Lunker
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 6,934 Likes: 2 |
Every time I see this thread title, I see "Condello needs a computer". - Abbott and Condello....classic.
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 13,762 Likes: 302
Moderator Ambassador Field Correspondent Hall of Fame 2014 Lunker
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Moderator Ambassador Field Correspondent Hall of Fame 2014 Lunker
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 13,762 Likes: 302 |
The same thing was happening to me Brettski.
I only noticed that it was "Costello" last night.
Must be 'cause Condello and Costello look so much alike, physically I mean.
Excerpt from Robert Crais' "The Monkey's Raincoat:" "She took another microscopic bite of her sandwich, then pushed it away. Maybe she absorbed nutrients from her surroundings."
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Joined: May 2004
Posts: 13,982 Likes: 280
Moderator Lunker
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Moderator Lunker
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 13,982 Likes: 280 |
The same thing was happening to me Brettski.
I only noticed that it was "Costello" last night.
Must be 'cause Condello and Costello look so much alike, physically I mean. Absolutely. They both have arms.
"Live like you'll die tomorrow, but manage your grass like you'll live forever." -S. M. Stirling
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 13,762 Likes: 302
Moderator Ambassador Field Correspondent Hall of Fame 2014 Lunker
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Moderator Ambassador Field Correspondent Hall of Fame 2014 Lunker
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 13,762 Likes: 302 |
Excerpt from Robert Crais' "The Monkey's Raincoat:" "She took another microscopic bite of her sandwich, then pushed it away. Maybe she absorbed nutrients from her surroundings."
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Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 7,615 Likes: 5
Ambassador Field Correspondent Lunker
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OP
Ambassador Field Correspondent Lunker
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 7,615 Likes: 5 |
Did Costello have elbows?
JHAP ~~~~~~~~~~ "My mind is a raging torrent, flooded with rivulets of thought cascading into a waterfall of creative alternatives." ...Hedley Lamarr (that's Hedley not Hedy)
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Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 7,099 Likes: 23
Ambassador Field Correspondent Hall of Fame Lunker
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Ambassador Field Correspondent Hall of Fame Lunker
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 7,099 Likes: 23 |
The same thing was happening to me Brettski.
I only noticed that it was "Costello" last night.
Must be 'cause Condello and Costello look so much alike, physically I mean. Not to mention they sound damn near identical! Bruce has better teeth though.
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