1. Redear sunfish are always angry.
2. Redear sunfish don't sleep--they wait.
3. If you can see a redear sunfish, he can see you. If you can't see the redear sunfish, you may be only seconds away from death.
4. A redear sunfish refers to himself in the fourth person.
5. If a redear sunfish could push a button to eliminate every yellow perch on the planet, he would.
6. Similar to a Russian Nesting Doll, if you were to break open a redear sunfish you would find another redear sunfish, only smaller and angrier.
7. A redear sunfish's calender goes straight from March 30th to April 2nd--nobody fools a redear sunfish.

LOL! Bruce would you please explain 3, 4 and 6 to someone with no redear sunfish experience. :rolleyes: :p

Bruce what happened to cause such a post about RES? Did several or a trophy fin you and wee on you and get away? :p

8. When it comes time to pay taxes, a redear sunfish simply sends a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. A redear sunfish has not had to pay taxes--ever.

Bruce is off today. Need I say more? :p

A RES has no reflection in the mirror.

Dear Dr Frankenbruce,
I am working on completion of a new pond and contemplating stocking it with only Redear Sunfish. I have read, tho, that they can be mean, agressive, and act with deadly force. I am a firm believer that negative attitude can be influenced to positive change, given the correct environment. For this reason, I have decided to make this same pond a waterpark with wave action and waterslides. This will generate fun and frolic for both the humans and the Redear Sunfish. I am certain this carnival atmosphere will surely draw out the playful side of RES, creating lasting postive memories.
Do you foresee any unanticipated problems with my plan?
Signed,
Fun loving fish guy

I can just see the headlines:

New Waterpark Disaster!

3 Dead, 12 injured, 17 missing in the worst waterpark disaster in US history. One man was hauled away in chains after putting innocent people in the proximity of killer fish. He is said to be facing life plus 400 years. The legislature is considering the banishment of RES in all waters public and private. Bruce Condello, the breeder of the killer fish could not be contacted for comment. His lawyer said charges are pending.

Apparently nobody can March 31st a Redear either. :rolleyes:

The Redears been ganging up on you lately, Bruce? They were biting pretty good here today.

9. The boogeyman can't sleep because he's afraid there's a redear sunfish in his closet.

10. How many Redears does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they make those wimpy Bluegill do it for them.

None whatsoever, unless you consider everyone dying a problem...

Now I'm scared to go my pond.

Thanks.

Thanks a lot.

What happens when they send the national guard to the pond to take out the last RES ?

Just like in "Rambo" they need a lot more body bags.

11. The redear sunfish crossed the road. Nobody ever dared question his motives.

You could write a booklet:

"Inside these pages is a list of all the creatures meaner than a redear sunfish".

Inside would be a dozen blank pages! :rolleyes:

Largemouth bass kill from instinct. Striped bass hybrids kill for sustenance.

Redear sunfish kill because they're bored of torturing.

If you want to keep your beer cold hold it next to a Redear Sunfish's heart.

Ok, I have to ask, I am not sure i have caught or seen a Redear Sunfish. What have you seen them do that makes them so mean?

It is caused by a Napoleon complex.

Gator

Bruce, I take it that this fish is verbally berating you, as well as defecating on you as you hold him?

Geeze Bruce - that thing is a freakin monster...very impressive indeed!

Gator

...illusion. Bruce has very tiny hands (occupation advantage)
It should be noted, tho, that the "come hither" stare is bone chilling
...either that, or a rendition of "Take me to the river".
-
(beauty!)

That "THANG", whatever it is, would scare off most of my LMB!



It gives me the heebie jeebies just staring into it's eyes.

Gator

(all kidding aside - that is one heck of a nice fish Bruce)

Beautiful specimen, Bruce!

Have you experimented with RES and BG males ONLY in the same pond? Any advice? Would RES dominate?
Competition for same space and food?

Ed

OK guys, what is it with these fish?????????? I might need some to eat little bass and scare tilapia to death!

Yeah!!!! all this is nice about the RES and all and how tough is
until:

................................that Big SPLASH and THERE was the MIGHT BLUE and is buddy the flathead......then the RES just started eating his ol snails again.....

Are there any fingers left on that hand?

Leave it to Big Pond to put things into perspective.
But remember, he just stocked these this weekend as 3-4 inch. On Monday AM this is the result. Whoa!

Everybody knows how long Bruce's arms are. And he has to hold that Redear AWAY from himself in order to fit it all into the picture. Huge fish!

I'd answer this question, but providing the information on a public forum could land me in some deep trouble. I'm pretty sure my redears are reading these posts.

A fishing pole is futile to subdue RES, one must use a rope while wearing leather gloves.

A rope with a logchain leader.

When RES get angry, they flip their tail and fling other fish into the sun. I guess that's why they are called "sun fish".

Size doesn't matter to a RES. It matters to all other creatures.

RES do not bite a hook. The dominant RES put the sissy RES on the hook to get rid of them.

Seven-year-old Jacob Cody from Linton Ind. tricked a 15.5 inch-long 3.38lb Green Co. redear sunfish into biting a nightcrawler on a hook. The fish was the biggest redear reported to the DNR in 2002.

Redear sunfish don't like being "tricked". Two days later the boy disappeared forever.

I put 50 Redears in my new pond in early June along with 50 Bluegill and 7-8 lbs. of FHM. I see the BG all the time and often see new FHM. I never see the RES (unless they appear to be bluegill to my untrained eye). Are they shy?

I have spent a little time fishing the new pond. today I caught 6 bluegill and one yellow perch ( I added the Perch a couple of weeks ago) on live worms. I have yet to catch a RES. I went fishing this evening using live crawfish/crayfish/crawdads. Should be a favorite of RES. Only hooked one BG ( a monster - looked like easy 10" but got off the hook). I mean how shy are those RES?

Man!!! I want some of those red ears in my pond! Will they grow like that in mo. I wonder if I can get them from a local fishery.

Sleepy Scott:

Redears hang out deeper than BG. I don't think they surface feed much at all. My BG:RES catch ratio runs about 10:1, even though stocking was 2:1. It's not all just BG spawning numerical superiority - they're harder to find (for me at least). But EVERY redear I catch is in really good condition (I like that) and so far the bgiggest bream I have caught out of the pond was a RES.

The last three years I have caught most RES before the end of June and not so many after that. I think after spawning's over, they get even more hunkered down.

Word has it that after the Lusk post on the facinating Cecil Bluegill mount, motion detectors picked up a band of Large Redears testing the perimiters of the Condello household. Bruce was seen guarding his prize with a shotgun until early morning, where he transferred the mount to a large safety deposit box at the bank...at this time, the National Guard has the area secured.

If they tangle with those RES they better bring a good supply of body bags.

Let's hope that Redears never get nuclear weapons. :rolleyes:

It could be very dangerous to stock RES and smallmouth in the same pond.

Be VERY careful about calling the chinkypin shy. Maybe covert, maybe guarded, but not shy. Notice the cover of the last issue of PB and the missing fingers from, you guessed it; the owner of the arm called that RES shhhhy. Not only was he a shellcracker, but also a bone crusher.

Does the outside chance exist that Bruce's deadly RES could ever hook up with Sunil's smack talking genius Smallies? And if so, could the resulting pond gang be so diabolically destructive as to rival MS-13? Are we one degree away from a totally unexpected force of such aquatic power that mankind, as we know it, may be facing subordinate ranking to a new Super-power? Could Darwin or Nostrodamus have ever foreseen this? Could this innocent pairing spur the prophetic Armageddon of Revelations?

That would be just the start.

Certainly from the centrarchid time clock (TEMPO OF HYBRID INVIABILITY IN CENTRARCHID FISHES , BOLNICK AND NEAR ) they are close enough genetically to cross. Uh- oh we may be in over our heads.

Finally, we found that reciprocal crosses often show asymmetrical hybrid viabilities.
We discuss several alternative explanations for this result including possible deleterious cytonuclear interactions.

I think this means that RESxSMB F1's will only swim in circles because the fins on one side are bigger. Or that they already have the Bomb.

LOL! Bring out the double thick tinfoil hats. The summer sun has got to us all!

This guy disappeared forever as well.

We have some that size in a nearby lake. On a flyrod, you think you've hooked a submarine. Amazing how they get so big with that tiny mouth.

Seems like all this would make a great horror movie.......


"All he wanted was better fishing.....

He never thought things could go so wrong.....

It began as a simple experiment....

Cross two innocent sunfish to achieve the ultimate gamefish....

But what he got were "HYBRIDS FROM HELL"
.


"HYRIDS FROM HELL.... IS YOUR POND SAFE??????


Coming to a theatre near you. This film is rated R for violence and fish nudity. Parental disgression is adviced.

Sweet, Jeff.

Bring on the hybrid RES from He..! I want to eat you! Get inside my belly...

That's incredibly funny!

Great one, Jeff.

I always appreciate some good collage work.

Thanks, Jeff.

Many fish (Tilapia, Bluegill, etc.) can multiply.

Only Redears divide - and conquer.

Brettski, why did your delete the post re: me not acting my age? It did not offend me. My wife tells me frequently that I dont act my age...but, she doesn't say she likes it...but, I know she does.

Ditto BM's comment.

When BM said "I want to eat you! Get inside my belly... " I could see that crazy TV commercial with BM's head on the big childish guy. I guess you just have to see it to understand.

Burger...
I followed the valuable lesson that you taught me some posts ago about going back the next morning and reading my own poetry. Although it was truly meant to be a compliment, it screamed "Pointy Hat Syndrome". I feared relapse and found sanctuary in the delete function.
Donna-ski and I married late in life and we elected to pass on having kids. This left a huge void that became my responsibility to fill....the responsibility of providing childish behavior and silliness. This should be evident by my earlier, formative PB forum posts :rolleyes: .
As a result of many years of blending this juvenile responsibility with my professional life, the lines are often blurred. In fact, although I have 20-20 vision, I must wear 3.0-x reading glasses while on the PB forum (is this normal?...am I the only one?) Anyway, your post forced me to use a magnifying glass while I LMAO'd.....dunno why....just did!
So...in summary, please allow me to re-construct my salute to silliness in the 4th degree:
-
Creepies, Burger.....I can't stop laughin'! I love it when you don't act your age!

What commercial, Ewest??

You guys could be a comedy team. LOL

Now I know I want some RES in my pond, I was thinking about it any way coz we have snails...surprize, surprize... seeing how BIG they get I know I want some.

They should be good for intruder control as well, if all you say is true....LMAO!

Chris

Public apology to Ewest; actually, I have seen the commercial many times re: the big fat guy saying he wants to eat the little bald headed guy. Just funning. I, as Ewest, have no idea what the ad is pushing...can anyone shed some light, or are we the only 2 that have seen it?...
BTW: Just now, after years of watching the duck on the AFLAC commercials, found out what it is advertising. I heard it on radio yesterday , it is some Life Assurance Co.? Who are these commercials targeting? Do 90% of them really make someone go out and buy the product?

Hello,

It's me...redear sunfish. I just wanted to inform you that I've killed Bruce and will be making all of his posts from here on out.

Any questions? Don't expect any answers.

How'd he get it? Quick and easy or slow and painful?

Tied him to the front of a Sweeney feeder. It's still running.

We're glad. Really got sorta tired of his deadpan humor. How big are you? I want to fry you up and eat you too. What, you dont like to be called,"chinkypin", well, you wont be hearing it much longer.(unless you can hear under boiling peanut oil.)

Too big for any of your green carp fishing gear.

Morphed RES attacks PB member.



Young PB member harvests yoy RES

That young fellow was luck he only lost a shoe and a pantleg to that RES! But then the second RES looks to have some BG in it, which is probably why the youngster didn't end up like Bubba Shaw in the first pic.

You know that Bruce was probably taunting that Redear, and look what happened.

I'll have to put some thoughts together for the eulogy.

"Sure Bruce had some vices & addictions, but who doesn't? Even when the gas had him in it's clutches, he never expressed ill will towards other humans....just other fish such as Yellow Perch and Redear Sunfish. Eventually though, he taught his fish too much, and they used it against him. As far as we know, he didn't suffer as he was on a three-day bender with Jack Daniels. On a side note, Jack Daniels has started a foundation in Bruce's honor, called 'Jack, DMD, and Killer Sunfish Don't Mix'"

Speaking of eulogies; don't ever, I mean ever, skinny dip around redears.

BURGER......i think its for a large US corporate franchise "fast food" business with your name in it plus......KING.

I dream about the day when you can go down to my pond on a late summer afternoon and watch my GSF square off w/ RES. I will charge admission.

Thanks for the clarification, DIED. You may just get some nice hybrids from those 2, if they can quit fighting long enough.

Re-clarification Burger, and boy does this prove yer point about advertising......i was just in other room having a beer and some crackers w/ wife, and the commercial came on......its for DIRECT (satellite) TV of all things....I could have swore it was for a hamburger joint.

I hope whatever makes our GSF so big works on the RES as well...


anywho....

12. In an average room there are 1,242 objects that a redear sunfish could use to kill you, including the room itself.

13. A redear sunfish can divide by zero.

Bruce, can a redear play possum?

A redear can eat a possum.

Do Gators eat redears?

They could have last night. Redear with a nut chaser.

A big male Redear Sunfish will kick sand in the face of a GWS.

RES don’t wear watches, they just DECIDE what time it is.

RES can slam a revolving door.

Bigfoot takes pictures of RES.

c'mon bruce....for real? is that yer church? waay too funny

Somebody actually noticed!! I thought that was so funny and it met with a big "thud".

Bruce, that's the price of fame. It has it's ups and downs. That is awesome coloration on your church sign. :p

I heard the Navy once let a redear sunfish join the Navy Seals, but he was too mean and they had to let him go.

i've fallen and i cant get up

...fear of the higher power. Most sins are forgiveable and often accrue nominal amounts of pergatory. Church sign desecration will bring you back as a manatee in a competition ski lake.

Come on guys don't pick on Dave. Ok well only once more....

For what it's worth Bruce I thought you post was very funny. I would have commented earlier but I kinda figured I was running the sin-o-meter at redline already and I don't want to be a manatee.

Somehow, I always pictured C. Everett Koop living alone.

...I didn't know how good Koop...er, Dave looks in his Sunday bowtie. Exudes a kind of PeeWee Hermanish, boyish charm, dontcha think?

:p

can't......take........much......more......

www.churchsigngenerator.com huh?
the resourcefulness here continues to amaze

the only place i know of where I can beat a horse in one place, and LMAO next door, of course, all while learning about dams and RES.

DIED, you might have missed this one. You can also learn about wedgies and such.
http://www.pondboss.com/ubb/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=20;t=003695;p=2#000022

aye, missed it i did indeed...arrgghh....LMHO (laughing my hook off)

And of course Dave's smash hit...

i was only a two hit wonder?

well meadowlark, my only saving grace at this point is that i was duped by a churchsign instead of a wedgie.

edited post.....somebody help me here......thankfully for D.I.E.D. there was a reprieve from the relentless assault as Dr. Condello suddenly remembered to remove the needles and tubes stuck in the mouth of the patient in room #3.

edited post again.....awlright, i'm stubborn and gullible , lets get this thread back on track.

they say its very common that people look like (resemble) their pets, and vice versa.....a little known fact is that the same holds true for those who raise RES. if i wuz handy with those cute little webgems i could post pics to prove it.

I agree with DIED and here is the proof. Surely you can see the obvious genetic resemblance. Both from Neb. , both wear red , both like to hold on to each other , ....

What is this fish and why is it spawning alone ?

At first I thought this was an image from the Hubbel telescope, but then I realized that it's a redear sunfish, and he's really angry about something...

... maybe the fact that someone put brick chips in the middle of his sulfur.

Redears get absolutely livid when people mess with their sulfur.

Mr. RES cleared that area of sand and gravel and staked his claim. All the BG and small LMB in the area were seen limping away wounded. I risk my life to get the pic !! The only reason I did not lose a leg taking the pic is I was standing in a boat with a camo bottom. When I left he was screaming "wade out here and fight like a man". From safely onshore well back from the waters edge I told him to take a hike to Nebraska. He replied that he had a cousin up there that would bite off my thumb and stick it in my ear. Oh the in that fish.

GENERAL INFORMATION ON REDEAR SUNFISH

COMMON NAMES: Redear sunfish, Shellcracker, Stumpknocker

SCIENTIFIC NAME: Lepomis microlophus

IDENTIFICATION: Redear are a deep, slab-sided fish similar to the bluegill, except the ear flap is black with a red or orange margin; black blotch at the base of the dorsal fin is absent.

RANGE AND HABITAT: Their native range is limited to southern states below the mouth of the Wabash River on the Ohio River. This species thrives in clear, warm impoundments with rooted vegetation. Redear sunfish are attracted to submerged vegetation and trees, hence the name "stumpknocker." Following spawning, redear tend to move offshore to deeper water.

LIFE HISTORY: Redear sunfish, like most other sunfish, are communal nest spawners. Spawning normally occurs in May or June, and the male guards the nest until the eggs hatch. Preferred substrate for spawning is large, thick beds of sulfur. Dominant redear males will closely guard any large sulfur beds by killing any and all nearby fish or mammals. Prefered method is to pluck the scales off of tresspassing fish one by one until the fish dies of pain. Sometimes redears will protect their sulfur beds by setting off small, thermonuclear devices in adjoining areas. Sometimes late at night yellow perch will invade the spawning grounds and place beds of brick chips in the center of the sulfur. Generally redears will then hunt down, torment, torture and eliminate all yellow perch within 50 nautical miles. Following spawning, redear sunfish move to deeper water for the summer months. The preferred diet for redear sunfish is snails. They use specially modified teeth in the throat that allow them to crush mollusk shells and extract snails.

ADULT SIZE: In well managed waters with good habitat, redear sunfish will reach 9 to 11 inches in length. The state record redear weighed 3 pounds and 1 ounce, and was 13.25 inches in length.

FISHING METHODS: Most redear are caught while on spawning beds. During this time they can be caught using most natural baits, and they will hit on small spinners and flies. Following the spawning season redear are harder to find because they are spending time in deeper water plotting the demise of mankind, however the same baits can be used when they are located.

I remember my Grandpa telling me about the good ol' days of fishing, before Redears got the bomb. :rolleyes:

That is an absolute all time classic. Completely LMAO.

from muskrat songs to the latest in pond sci fi.......i knew he was SPECIAL from the first time i met him

i do luv it when yer on the meds old buddy.

thanks for the hearty laugh this evening.

Angry sentinel . Keep away !!!

That looks very shallow, Eric. 1' - 2'?

18 inches max. He is so mean no one would bother him. No LMB no BG anywhere near him. I threw a few aquamax pellets over him and he went wild rushing around biting them.

Dont know how I missed the last few posts of this thread. Halarious, Jeff..and..right in crunch time for the "Tax Man". Good thing y'all are calling the RES a 'him' not an 'it' less PETA get really P.O.ed. Animals are humans, too. Though, as a solitary nester, maybe he is an 'it'. :rolleyes:

Holy Smolies!! I just stocked 500 of these red eared man eating carnivores in my new pond. I should of known something wasn't right when the hatchery offered to pay me to take them. Now I'm afraid to go back to my pond without a shotgun. Do ya think I'll be safe as long as I don't look em in the Eye?

Mark unless you have 500+ shells and are a good shot don't point that shotgun at them. They don't like being threatened and tend to act like airborne assassins.

Burger we don't have any fish with alternate lifestyles in that pond . Well there may be some sneekers and cuckholders but not amongst the RES clan.

None of your tax prep clients really know you, do they, Jeff?

Of course not, I've gotta work for a living.

Besides, does anyone REALLY know what their CPA is doing after April 15th.

Angry fish are getting to be a big problem for pond owners.

Why should they be angry? They have us perfectly well trained.*

*According to my theory that the fish, not the Pond Bosses, control our pond building behavior.

Jeff,

We did miss you.

Medieval carp throwing siege engines are a poor substitute for world domineering RES.

Welcome back.

i think i have a LMAO hernia

i believe i know where his inspiration came from:

Bobad, perhaps it's not the anger, but more so the utter bitterness.

Sometimes the cynicism is just a slap in the face.

:D Probably true Dave. That fish was vicious, didn't seemed to mind that we netted him (or her, I don't know) out of the grow out tank, put in in a plastic bag, filled it with O2, drove him an hour, floated him in my pond... but the minute I tried to handle him for a photo he got all medieval on me.

Great, now I'm afraid to go to the bathroom, too.

Thanks Yolk, glad to know someone noticed.

I'm gonna have to search for the carp throwing siege engine, don't know how I missed that.

I would feel bad about that but then I remembered that you started this journey.

BUMP....???... ... ...

Don't ever make eye to eye contact with a RES as their stare is like the Medusa.

Only creature known to approximate threat to middle aged pondmeisters health posed by RES:



Aggrieved teenage daughter.

You're being awfully wordy there, Yolky. "Aggrieved" and "teenaged" are redundant, and the sex of the teenager need not be specified.

I stand amused and corrected.

I'm all too aware of the teenaged daughter phenomenon, heretofore known as the TDP.

Far too aware.

The look on her face indicates that you denied her most recent request for a pony.

Shame on you, Yolk.

Yes, mine has been known to exhibit that "Wednesday Addams" expression on occasion.

Now I know where the expression "If looks could kill" came from. Be afraid Yolk, be very afraid.

If I were you I think I would reconsider the Pony request.

Originally posted by Sunil:

Actually, I think the comment that drew the look went something like this:

"I don't care if Jenny's butt crack shows, that still doesn't mean yours can!"

That would be typical of the discussions in our household these days.

My daughter will be three in August. Thanks for the heads up....."no butt crack allowed."

I'll start practicing now.

The RES have done their job ...you all have gone completly insane. :p

Thank you I am past that teenage stage. I know that look. She wanted a car not a pony !!

Hmmmm, begs the question...

Which came first the RES or the insanity?

Originally posted by jeffhasapond:

As a newcomer to the forum and RES neophyte, I don't have the authority to address such an issue. We need to find someone who has actually watched the descent of a normal, intelligent, hardworking husband and father into an RES associated psychosis, and can offer their observations...


Anyone got Mrs. Condello's phone number??

It varies from person to person. You and I, for example, only got Redears relatively recently in our lives.

:D

DOH! I was hoping nobody would notice that.

Redears now starring in movies.


http://www.jibjab.com/starring_you/receipt/1731996

Doggone ol' redear and doggone ol' Buddy Ebsen in that doggone ol' movie. Dang 'at was good.

...2 thumbs way up! This will surely sweep the oscars.
-
(how many crown installations had to wait for THIS blockbuster to be produced?)

Sometimes I am amazed at all the things I've done in my life. As in this example, I don't seem to remember them all.

It almost reminds me of an Alfred Hitchcock flick where the producer/director always makes a brief cameo appearance.

Did anyone see Cecil in that film ?

Sure did!...
Man, does he ever look like Buddy Ebsen.

Wait, I dont get it. I thought that redear were the bad guys?

That's the funniest thing I've seen in months! The animation is actually worse than on Robot Chicken! Loved it!

Was there smoke coming out of Captain Sunil's ears? Was that SWAT officer Ronnie Garvin? Will Redear Slater make the world safe from democracy?

I took my first RES out of the pond for the dinner table this past Sunday, 9.25" 8.3oz. No lie, Eagle Scout's Honor! I had to use a very large Canadian Night Crawler, #6 Kahle hook & 125lb test line. They are MEAN!




OK, it was the trotline I leave out for FHCF. He was my first keeper & the first with a nice red band. I must have my bifocals on to see the red on all the 7" & smaller RES in my pond.

Here is a good pic of a RES caught today on a cricket. An interesting observation wrt feeding pellets. After a while the pellets sink. Those that the fish and turtles don't eat seem to attract snails. Which seems to keep the RES hanging around the feeding area looking for lunch. At least I usually can catch them there.

VERY nice, Eric. Big forehead for a Redear.

Nice indeed!

VERY nice RES...
Eric, I believe the RES are actually eating the sinking pellets.
After feeding, I sometimes toss an AQMX pellet fly into the feeding area and catch RES on a sinking ph fly..

george:

I have no doubt that some hungry RES would take sinking pellets.

He looks miffed.

Great fish. Great body condition.

Every time a redear sunfish listens to a song, Apple pays him 99 cents.


A redear sunfish can kill two stones with one bird.

Tough Texas RES




Draws blood from Bruce

Lest you forget.

http://www.jibjab.com/starring_you/receipt/1731996

That film brings a tear to my eye every time.

Dang, Sunil is a good actor. He was robbed at the Golden Globes.

The writer's strike is killing me.

I agree. I think Sunil was done a great injustice by not getting the award. And being asked to present it to Condello's old nemesis, Buddy Ebsen, just added insult to injury. The whole experience left a bad taste in Sunils' mouth.

Don't worry about it. Sunil is loaded with 80 proof mouthwash.

Looks like it tasted REALLY bad!

I get more and more pale every day it seems.

A redear sunfish need not wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.

Please view this again if you need any reminders.

http://www.jibjab.com/starring_you/receipt/1731996

Who IS the cop shown in SWAT team garb just before Captain Sunil appears?

rmedgar

As much as I hate to admit this an see all hopes of a sure Oscar nomination pass me by, alas, that was not me.

Oh, yeah....right. Ummmmm, I think it was jeffhasapond....

Nope, it wasn't me either. I was supposed to get a role as a funny man side kick but after executing a perfectly designed practal joke that resulted in the director drinking his own pee pee my role got reduced to a ninja whose head was decapitated - man than hurt - I thought we were supposed to get stunt doubles.

I have decided that rather than be an actor I will focus my attention on writing. I'm in the process of writing this movie script that is loosly based on a mafia family.

Here's a brief overview of my new movie:

There is this mafia family that controls the docks, the fish merchants, sales of pond supplies, design of aeration systems and all other black market activities.

The Don of the family asks a hollywood director for a favor, to cast JHAP in an up coming movie that said JHAP would be perfect for. But the director won't comply with the family's wishes and the Don "makes him an offer he can't refuse" but the dumb guy actually refuses. In order to make example of him the Don orders some punishment.

Cut to a scene where the guy is laying in this bed in silk sheets, he slowly wakes up and notices something funny in his bed. He pulls back the sheets and BAM, there is a huge bass head actually in his bed. Bass blood is everwhere. The director guy starts screaming and screaming.

The whole audience will freak out.


My new movie is gonna be called...............




THE COD FATHER

I've also got plans for two sequels.

I will be available for autographs at the upcoming Pond Boss convention. You better get one before I make it big time and forget who all you people are.

Having viewed "Unnecessary Violence" yet again, I believe the SWAT officer in question was a rare recent appearance by actor Peter Weller.

"I know RM Edgar, and you sir are no RM Edgar"

Here is the elusive MR. RM Edgar (front and center and close friend Vinny (left) . Second is his pic (mug shot) upon capture.

Wasn't there a movie or TV series named "Where in the World is RM Edgar?"

I am brandspankin new to this web site and you guys just ain't right. This is gonna be a hoot.

If you have five dollars, and a redear sunfish has five dollars, the redear sunfish has more money than you.

1. When a redear is dropped in the water, it doesn't get wet. The water gets "redeared."

2. Redears don't actually write books. The words assemble themselves out of fear.

3. Redears CAN divide by zero.

4. While urinating, redears are easily capable of welding titanium.

Redears don't have actual ears.









sorry

A redear sunfish once kicked a horse in the chin.

It's descendants are now known as giraffes.

All Chuck Norris and Brett Favre jokes are actually about Redear Sunfish.

This is true, Theo, but it is still true that a Redear once destroyed the periodic table because all Redears only recognize the element of surprise. Redears can also kill two stones with one bird.

AND Redears CAN have their cake and eat it, too.

It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Redears a giant meteor.

Redears have such a hot temper they alone ended the ice age.

Now they are responsible for global warming.

Here's what the Ohio DNR says about Shellcrackers.

"Shell crackers are shot out of a 12-gauge shotgun and travel about 200 feet before exploding. It is advised
that an inexpensive single-shot shotgun that breaks and loads at the breech be used. This is to allow for inspection
of the barrel after each shot (shell crackers can lodge in the barrel) and ease of cleaning after use as shell
crackers leave corrosive residue in the barrel. It is also important that an open choke (improved cylinder or less)
be used as opposed to a tight choke (full or modified). This will ensure there is no restriction when the shell
cracker exits the barrel."

http://www.dnr.state.oh.us/Portals/9/pdf/goose%20conflicts/gooseconflict-9.pdf

Redears are capable of space travel. They just stay here because they don't like "space food".

I once saw a redear sunfish chew through a tree faster than the beaver next to him, he took bigger bites and left no woodchips on the ground. You don't want to know what he did with the wood chips... but I think the beaver lost some kind of bet...

Even if a Redear loses a bet it never pays up. No one has ever collected on a Redear bet, not the Mafia, not the Yakuza, not the Triad, no one.

And you NEVER want to owe a Redear money. They ALWAYS get paid. The Mafia is so afraid of Redears that they use the term "Swimming with the Fishes" to mean dead, murdered. A coincidence? I think not.

Redears have, well, red ears because they wear earrings without bothering to get 'em pierced.

Which reminds me of a U of H wide receiver in the run 'n shoot days. He said 'coach treats us like men; he lets us wear earrings'.

If it wun fo fooball, I wunnit be a fooball player today.

The Redear Sunfish does not yeild to pedestrians.

When walking, the Redeared Sunfish does not "Wait To Cross" no matter how much the red "hand" light at the cross walk is it blinking.

Basically Redeared Sunfish ignore virtually all laws including the laws of nature.

speculation on the origin of res madness.....




they were just plain jealous of how cute their northern cousins are.........

You notice that those little-bitty northern cousins don't dare get in the same pond with boss RES.

IMO the boss RES is a handsome fish (no mamby-pamby cute stuff for RES).


I am one fish.

Redeared Sunfish believe that the Pumpkinseed is out of it's gourd and should be squashed.

JHAP demonstrates that he is a triple-threat, even without wearing swim fins.

Oops! I missed this warning. It's too late now...

P.S. If anything bad happens, it should hit Brettski first.

I miss PFF....he was so insightful.
How much is it gonna cost to rotenone 5 acres?

I went electrofishing last week on a grad students project and caught a Redear. I had my aquarium set up so I brought it home.

Well last night I heard a weird noise coming from the filter pump. I turned on the light to see the Redear staring at me.

Here he is. I am thinking about moving the tank to the living room and locking my door at night.

He looks like he's scheming.

Never put an aquarium in your bedroom... I swear the fish scheme all night on how to get out of their tank and smother me! HAHA

Being new to this forum, this is the first I read this thread... Having read back to page one, I have finally come to the conclusion you all are nuts! But I say that as a compliment! Honestly, I do!

Uh Oh. I just called a redear puny on another thread. Can I take it back? I know the answer. I can take it back, but it still wont matter.

It took you 251 posts to figure that out?I suggest you be very careful at the conferance this year

We may be able to make some really good deals with cj in the first day or so, until he wises up.

CJBS's black lab may be smart, but CJBS might not be the quickest study.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
(kidding, just kidding!)

HAHA, perhaps this is why I will not be making the conference this year... I need to learn a little bit more from you guys. I can guarantee you, 2010 I'll be there though!

Heck, if you want to "learn a little bit more . . ." the conference would be the perfect place. I can't think of anyone (except maybe Howard the Van Driver) who hasn't had a fantastic time at the two Pond Boss national conventions.

My wife, who doesn't share my fish fever, and who also thinks we are all nuts (she has proof) made reservations within milliseconds of posting this year's sign-up Pond Boss 2009 Conference Brochure.

We plan to make it a family get together and vacation.

I was welcomed by this group from my very first post, and I've never been disappointed.

Please think about bringing your family to join a light-hearted group that is extremely serious and well educated about pond management.


Your neighbor,
Ken

Howard didn't have all that bad a time. His ex-wife did miss when she shot at him, you may recall.

Seeing the bullet hole in the windshield, Lynda and I sat on the very back seat of the van, behind JHAP.

This year, we should have fewer Friday night navigation issues if we all bring our GPS units -- and since the dinner is scheduled to be on the lawn in front of the lodge!

...dinner music courtesy of Sunil on the 12 string with Theo's mellow sounds on the dirigidoo.

If you Google "big redear sunfish", sittin' there in a big fat 13th place is the Pond Boss thread "Several unknown facts about redear sunfish".

This is interesting, and a testament to the growth and popularity of the forum.

It is instructive to note, however, that if you google "Angry Redear Sunfish" this thread is in 1st place!

Well, when swimmers start disappearing all over the country this summer, we can tell'em we told you so.

By golly, you're right!

How funny is that?

When you really think about it, Yolkie is probably the first person to ever actually Google "Angry Redear Sunfish".

Well, I was researching information on current problems in my life, and the hundreds of thousands of hits that were produced by "Angry Teenage Daughter" just made it seem too overwhelming to start there.

I wondered why you insisted on sitting behind me. I didn't see the bullet hole. For a while there were so many drive by shootings in Southern California that we just ignore them.

Now they are used instead of hand signals:

Shoot out of your car window with your arm aimed left = I'm going to turn left.

Shoot out of your car window with your armed aimed straight up = I'm going to turn right.

It's a fairly effective method of signaling as it is difficult to ignore. It's a little rough on pedestrians though.

To get this thread back on track before the RES find out and attack -- If you try to stick your hand in a nesting BG bed it will frantically swim away but try the same thing with a RES and You will end up with mauled fingers quicker than you can Google "Angry Redear Sunfish".

Throw this lure in your pond,




And this is what happens


Not only do you scare the Bejeezus out of your fish,
but it causes you to speak french as well.

You have been warned.

I gotta get me one of them.

I had to sneak up on this one in low light.

Even THAT is still not advisable.

The beast must eat.

Not to be too cliche here but Youngblood you are:

Playing with fire.

Poking a sleeping bear with a stick.

Pulling a tiger's tale.

Sure all of those seem fun at first but sooner or later you will pay the piper.

Finger-lickin' good!

Better be careful, I have heard that RES will eventually just eat your finger and not just the food! Especially a male RES when he is kept alone with no lovin!

Today I spotted three large RES in the shallow end of my pond. Wonder what they were plotting?

That's easy....Your demise.

I have at least 2 large cottonmouths around my 1/4 acre pond. I thought about stocking 2 RES to take care of the problem. My question is would they stunt due to too much competition?

The RES would easily frighten away the cottonmouths...however are you really willing to make that trade?

They must be related to Miss Emily from that Faulkner short story.

I think this photo has been doctored.

It's all fun and games until a RES pokes someone's eye out with its dorsal fin.

There is no theory of evolution.

Only a list of animals that redear sunfish allow to live.

RES only have 2 genes - one that produces anger and one that produces mean.

The one below jumped back in the water after trying to do groin damage on the way. Its a good thing he could not pick up the board or I would not be here posting.

That photo was not doctored.











It may have been CPA'd though.

WTH! I go to research red ear sunfish and find this gem. Im convinced Bruce is crawling all over the web no matter which search engine you use when it comes to fish. No Roland Martin, no Bill Dance, no Hank Parker, no Shaw Grigsby, always Bruce. Lol!

Whales watch them.

When I come across a tread like this by accident and read it beginning to end I realize how much I'm just a grasshopper in the Pond Boss thing. I fished ponds and rivers and they were just that. Way more balance that Mother Nature provides to keep things in check than people notice. You guys have this family thing going since back when I had both ears and tongue pierced running wild and lucky not to be in prison like many of my old buddies. Thank god Ashley found me. Who knows where I would be today. Good people here. I'm in for the long haul.

Aaron's talents probably has something to do with that...

Pond Boss-It's a journey rather than a destination.

I like that Yolk.

I keep telling Lusk that I will never be able to snatch the stone from his hand.

Quote from Lusk:

"Bing. Snatch the otolith from my hand".

Instresting thing I noticed today with the snail problem. Could not find one.

This would not end well.

I'm afraid to ask for more details.