Hi, my name is Zoey.

My dirty crack whore mother left me and I was suffering from malnutrition, my eyes were infected and I could only see shadows. I was just about dead.

Gail felt sorry for me and cleaned the stuff out of my eyes. Gail and the Man decided to put me in the Man's shop and give me a chance at a life.

Since I moved into the Shop and have private quarters, kitten food and clean water I am doing real well. My eyes have cleared up and my purr-motor runs loudly when the Man gives me a head rub. I was petrified of the Man at first. He is a giant and two of me could easily fit in his hand.

I have heard rumblings that if I am real good and turn out OK, I may get to move in the house with Zeke!!

The Man took these photos of me even though I wasn't very cooperative.

Zoey -- Welcome to Pond Boss.

Yes, we know Man and Gail quite well. If you meet their meager requirements, you'll be treated better than royalty. Maybe you'll even get to go for rides in the Cat-Mobile.

Glad you checked in.

P.S. If they should throw you out, we've probably got room for one more.

"He is a giant and two of me could easily fit in his hand."

I think you meant he could fit two of you in his mouth.

Welcome home, Zoey! Your uncle is living with us. When he moved in, the doc said he had never see a kitten as emaciated as Edwin that was actually still alive (huge eyes staring out from a tiny skeleton). But a year of food, love, and medical care makes all the difference… When you make it to the big house, though, make sure you add a bit of excitement to the Man’s and Gail’s life by jumping in the bathtub with them whenever they bathe (your uncle does this all of the time - wait until they are underwater for maximum effect) but try not to use half a roll of tp every time you use your box…. Life is good, Zoey, and soon you will find that you own the home (oh, and Edwin says to hold out for your own pillow on the bed – it worked for him – just curl up on top of their faces every night until they get the hint).

So many questions.

Where are Dwight's cats getting crack?

Are there a gang of Tom cats hanging around on a corner slinging drugs?

A feline cartel?

Who's the baby daddy?

In the midst of despair there is hope - and cat food.

A black cat just before all hallows eve ?

Just don't let Man make a wheel-chock out of you. Learn to drive the barge and you will do well.

Yes to the top 2 questions, and here's the answer to the 3rd one.

Veterinary appointment tomorrow. 3 big scary words

YOU ARE SOOOOOOO CUTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now I know what at a Veterinarian appointment is about.

The Veterinarian weighed me on a scale that could hold a cow. He squeezed around on my stomach. He swabbed down in my ears right next to my brain. He put stuff in my ears that I promptly sprayed around the area with a couple of quick head shakes. He put some pink stuff in my mouth that tasted like pink stuff looked like pink stuff should taste.

The experience was baffling to me though I understand I will need the Veterinarian appointment on occasion if I want to live in the Big House.

Today I learned about welding, grinding, drilling and band sawing. All of these things are very noisy but I got used to it.

But I live to see another day.

Zoey, when the man is welding, don't look at the bright light. Also, when those machines are running, keep your tail out of the moving parts or you'll look like a black Minx Cat.

I went to the Vet again today.

My weight increased by 50% in 14 days. I am now 1.5 pounds. I credit my high speed eating ability and keeping the canned food dish empty for the impressive weight gain. I can eat ¼ of a can of canned food in 90 seconds. The Man doesn’t even bother to break it up for me anymore as there is no reason to. I use the dry kitten food as a backup.

I had my shots, ear mite treatment 2, and got checked over, as well.

The Man is including two photos. He took 23, but I am pretty much on the run so most of them are of me tearing around in a blur.

Zoey, tell the man that he's supposed to keep your bowl full of dry food! And, tell him NOT to use that hair dryer in the picture on you if you get wet.......