I know what you are going to say, JHAP is making up stories again (not that there is any evidence that I would actually post a falsehood on this forum) but this is actually true:

Effective September 1st "catch and release" fishing is banned in Switzerland. In addition barbed hooks are banned. Also in order to obtain a fishing license every angler will be required to take a course on humane ways to catch fish. Any fish caught will have to be stuck on the head with a blunt object until dead.

In a sweeping animial rights bill may other laws were instituted as well (and once again I'm not making this up):

Goldfish cannot be flushed down the toilet alive. They must be killed first.

Aquariums cannot be transparent on all sides and a natural day and night light cycle must be maintained.

Any animal classified as a "social animal" will be considered the victim of abuse if it is not allowed contact with other of it's species. The term "social animimals" is very inclusive from alpacas to zebras and includes hamsters, guniea pigs, parrots, goldfish, etc.

Under the law dog owners must take a two part course on recognizing the needs of the dog, and properly walking a dog.

Farmers will not be allowed to tether horses, cows, sheep or goats. Cows and pigs cannot be kept in areas that have hard floors. Pigs now have a legal right to shower after wallowing in the mud.

The legislation even mentions the appropriate keeping of rhinoceroses, although it was not clear immediately how many, if any, were being kept as pets in Switzerland.

As a side note, I've always wanted to own a rhinoceros. I think it would be so cool to look out across the acreage and see a rhinoceros wandering about the property. Of course it could make field mowing more of a challenge. I was actually thinking of starting a new type of exotic game hunting. People could come onto my property and hunt my rhinoceros but the only weapon that they would be allowed to use would be water ballons. Water ballon launchers and sling shots would be strictly prohibited. Hunters would be required to wear orange jump suits and have bells on their shoes. I am putting together a prospectus for any interested investors.

I thought for a minute you were talking about winos and I was in, but not for rhinos so much.

Hmmmm, hunting winos.

I may have to rethink my prospectus. What if I stocked Rhinos and Winos.

People for Ethical Treatment of Alcoholics

Hmmm, that could be a problem. I might have to pitch it as a "treatment center." Sort of a scared sober approach.

This could work people.

I could call it Whinoceros World.

I've always wanted to say "Hun, I'll be out on the lower 40 today fixing the Rhinoceros fence."

Who wouldn't?

I wonder if a rhinoceros bite is as nasty as a moose bite???? Maybe I will be sacked for saying this and the credits will have to be redone at the last minute at great expense....

Getting back to the Swiss, what kind of regulations do they have for keeping anti-social animals? You know, pit bulls, spitting cobras, flop-eared rabbits?

I'm wondering who gets to teach the hogs how to take a shower?

Jeff, I recommend stocking white (square lipped) rhinos as they are primarily grass grazers. Black (triangular lipped) rhinos are browsers and may damage your trees.

The first week in October, we'll have Dr. Robert Arlinghaus from the University of Berlin (Germany) at SDSU to interact with our students. One of his presentations will involve this exact topic -- fish use and care in Europe, which tends to be quite a bit more restrictive than in the U.S. Rob is a good one to talk about the topic as his specialty really is recreational angling. It does seem that they can get support for fishing for food, but it's tougher for catch and release.

Some of you with musical interests know that Eric Clapton is one of the great guitarists. In-Fisherman published this quotation from him a few months back.

From Clapton, The Autobiography by guitarist Eric Clapton:
"Ethically it was never a problem for me, and it is the same with fishing. My family and I eat what I catch and shoot. It is fresh and healthy and we love it. I am a hunter; it is in my genes, and I am quite comfortable with that. I also support a lot of other countryside pursuits, quite simply because I believe they are an important part of our culture and heritage, and need protecting, usually from people, or movements of people, who have little understanding of the delicate economic balance of countryside communities and who have watched too many Disney movies."

i'm surprised clapton and nugent havent hooked up.

Maybe you and Bruce can introduce them.

Wow, I hadn't thought of that angle. Dave, next time you are hanging out with Eric or Ted why don't you mention Whinoceros World to them. Even if they don't want to invest it would be great to have celebrity hunters at the facility. Perhaps you can get Santa or Tom Cruise involved as well. I really think I'm on to something here. I have purchased several cases of Boones Farm Strawberry Hill and Two Buck Chuck. I found a wino in an alley yesterday and lured him into the garage, keeping him there has been easy. I haven't told JWHAP that there is a wino in the garage so let's keep that on the down low. Anyone have any leads on where I can get a Rhino? Seems like they are harder to get than Winos.

JHAP, This was about as close as I could find


Life-size rhino for sale
A life-size rhino might not be on top of many present lists for Christmas this year, but it is exactly what a local theatre has for sale.

The Royal Court Theatre at Sloane Square is trying to find a new home for Zara, the 12-foot long star of the play Rhinoceros, after her last performance on December 15.

However, Zara, who is made in Hollywood and has circus performances on her CV, is not a cheap treat. The theatre expects a price around £6000.

In addition to a big purse, buyers of the rhinoceros costume in latex will also need a good fitness, as it takes two men to manoeuvre it around. Stephen Pidcock, press officer at the theatre, said:

“I don’t know if anyone would buy it for their own use, but it would be lovely to think that someone might buy it and donate it…For a charity for rhinos for instance where they could use it for public display”

A few offers on the life-like rhino have been made, but bidding is still open. And if Zara does not fit under the Christmas tree, her performance can still be enjoyed at The Royal Court Theatre.

Heybud, I think you are definitely on the right track.
I can already see JHAP testing the new latex Rhino during the grand opening of Whinoceros World

It is my understanding that if you lead a rhinocerous into your home, and if he were to bump his head on the door when you bring him in, that you have to hit him on the head with a blunt object until he's dead--then eat him.

Also, if you were to give money to a wino, and if he were to use this money for something detrimental to his health, like wine, then he too would require a deadly head beating, and eating.

This all makes almost too much sense.

Excellent idea, JHAP. Anyone who's ever listened to Ted's Double Live Gonzo album knows that his Gibson Birdland guitar is guaranteed to drop a charging Whino at 50 paces!


Next time I am in town, I will ask around at the Porturalian Consulate. You could just skip the hybridization process, since Whinoceri are native to Porturalia.

JHAP, I actually did get to shake hands with and talk with Ted, once (airport at Baltimore). He was very polite and a gentleman. Have not gotten to talk with Eric, but did see him play last year in Minneapolis/St. Paul.

I'm glad you saw his good side Dave. Being in the music business at one time and the fact that I know people that have met him I can't stand the man.

That's great Dave! I have admired Ted ever since I bought & read his book God, Guns & Rock & Roll. I bought the book for my sons & of course had to read it before giving it to them.
IMO it is highly recommended reading for youn adults.
The same as I feel of Bob Lusk, I would certainly like to travel in some of Ted's circles.

Heybud, that price seems a little steep. I was hoping to get a real Rhino for about 5,000 funny shaped "L"s. Keep looking for me. Don't you guys have any spare Rhinos in Texas? Darn place is so big there has got to be some of them roaming around there somewhere.



I appreciate the offer Theo but I am hoping not to have any hybridization. Besides I've heard the shipping costs from Porturalia are really high.


Project update:
I've had a little set back. Last night JWHAP and I went out to dinner with some clients. We got all dressed up and went down to the garage to get the car. I completely forgot the wino was in the garage. I opened the garage door to get the car and he came running out past us screaming "Maniac, Kidnapper, Maniac". Scared the heck out of my wife. I didn't want him to get away so I grabbed push broom (the only thing I had handy) and started pursuing him down the street. I figured if I could just get close enough to knock him down then I could get him back to the garage. So I'm chasing him down the street he's yelling "maniac, kidnapper, maniac" and I'm swinging the broom at him. Unfortuantely a bunch of my neighbors were standing in their front yards just kind of talking with each other as we ran by. (I never get invited to these types of gatherings by the way). I think one of them must have called the cops or the FBI or something because when we got home from dinner there were two guys in a black Ford parked two houses down that just appeared to be watching our house. Anyhoo to make a long story short, the wino got away and JWHAP put her foot down and said no more winos in the garage. Sometimes she can be so unreasonable.

Hey, don't give up so easily, Jeff, you have plenty of other rooms in the house.

Good point, bbjr. How about a wino in the pantry?

I don't know about finding a rhino in Texas, but I have no doubt I can round you up a real prize wino. Shipping extra of course. Here is a thought, keep him in your wine cellar (all Californians have wine cellars, right)

you bet heybud......

No wine cellar here. I don't know squat about wines, that more of DIED's department. (I pretty much just drink what he is serving).

I think the whole Whinoceros World idea is dead. No investors, insurance agent didn't like the idea of people throwing water ballons at Rhinos, can't seem to find any Rhinos at any reasonable prices, too many permits required to buy and own a Rhino, and I'm finding winos are too high maintenance.

Back to square one. I still have some other ideas. I was thinking about a new reality based game show called "Swim for your Life." You see I would stock my pond with Alligators......

somebody was supposed to laugh at my wine cellar...

its actually a closet if you didnt notice.

did you ever think of keeping winos in the closet?

i'm not very funny this morning am i?

It will meet my approval rating as long as the beer fridge is in the other half of the closet.

that little blue bag (one of three) is full of hand brewed beer called stuff like "axe pickin stout" and "miner's scotch ale"............how does that work?

I like what I'm hearing, but unless you drink that stuff at room temperature, I'm going to need more information!

I actually homebrew a few beers myself - nice wine closet by the way D.I.E.D. - and room temperature is where a lot of those brews have their best flavor. I know I am biased because I drank many pints of German beer in the late 80's early 90's while working for the governement (army) but believe me when I tell you bone chilling cold is where lagers belong, good ales should be served at what is called "cellar temperature." I agree a cold Bud/Miller/Coors is refreshing, but a hand crafted ale is more flavorful at around 50 degrees. Too cold will reduce flavor and aroma that was meant to be enjoyed.

That maybe a closet DIED but you have the most extensive wine collection of anyone I know.

Sunil, Dave has a beer fridge as well and always has a selection of various types of beer.

JoeG, I have a friend that used to microbrew. Some of his stuff was great, some not so much, all of it got drank. Funny how that works.

It's like that other saying about...ummm, lets say fish, even the worst fish I ever had was good. It is funny how even the less than perfect batches of homebrew get consumed. I have made some brews that folks called great and some that people say are O.K., we all know that means crappy. I have to start brewing a few batches for the fall here, it's time since temps started to stabilize, hot weather is hard to make good beer in.