Ran across this today:

- Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is real bad, add a banana pudding. (we call in 'nanner puddin')

- Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them.

- Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess."

- Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of yonder."

- Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, as in: "Going to town, be back directly."

- Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.

Gimme some sugar, :p
Gator

The last thing a southerner says:

Hey guys watch this

ok Bill, you got me. true.

Gator

Eeeeeeewwwww my turn:

"At's finer'n a frog hair split six ways"

"Them ain't puppies; Them's full growed dogs!"

"Y'ont to?"

"Skitt it, boy!"

"It'll be a'ight in tha mo'nin."

"How ya duirn?"

"It's all good but the gravy"

"Never woulda thunk it"

"Never woulda knowed it"

"Back before the war..."

"Knee high to a (short) grasshopper"

"That's older than dirt!"

"Whoah, Nelly!"

"Whee, doggy!"

"Sho' nuff!"

"Get on over hyeh!"

"Get on outta hyeh!"


Deb

coming up a storm(Granny)

lunch is called dinner and dinner is called supper

that's about as fun as watching two mules fight over a turnip(my Greatuncle Bud)

the war of northern aggression(my greatgrandmother)

Old age can sure put a hitch in your gitalong.

Mr. Duggan, ya were close, but it's "hold my beer, and watch this". Gator, ya shoulda knowed that. Bob-O, a yankee hillboy.

"he is tighter than Dicks' hat band"

Gator

I wouldn`t take you kids to a worm wrassle!

Grinning like a mule eating briars

Shaking like a dog passing a peach pit

Really! All seriousness aside!

Git 'er done!

See ya later, I gotta make a block.

"FIXIN TA"

Gator

Grinnin' lika possum passing 'simmon seeds.
Irregardless. that one kills me.

Burger I swear I saw irregardless in a legal document the other day

Yesterday was as cool as the other side of your pillow.

This is bring up great memories of growing up with wonderful southern folks

The differences in a Fairy Tale and a Texas Tall Tale:

A Fairy Tale starts off "Once upon a Time".

A Texas Tall Tale starts off "Hey you %$*(&((&%('s ain't gonna believe this *&^%t.

A Sailor's tale starts off with "and this is no sh..!

This goes back a ways but growing up when southern gentlemen spoke of a good looking woman they refered to her as being handsome(I guess if no kids were around it might have been different)

I thought that really was a word.

Deb as Lewis Grizzard said "dang hoss I don't think I would've said that"

BARD - verb. Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow."
Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."

JAWJUH - noun. A highly flammable state just north of Florida.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjah bard my pickup truck."

MUNTS - noun. A calendar division.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I aint herd from him in munts."

IGNERT - adjective. Not smart. See "Auburn Alumni."
Usage: "Them N-C-TWO-A boys sure are ignert!"

RANCH - noun. A tool.
Usage: "I think I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh
bard a few munts ago."

ALL - noun. A petroleum-based lubricant.
Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."

FAR - noun. A conflagration.
Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh doesn't change the all in my pickup truck, that things
gonna catch far."

BAHS - noun. A supervisor.
Usage: "If you don't stop reading these Southern words and git back to work, your bahs is
gonna far you!"

TAR - noun. A rubber wheel.
Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh doesn't git a flat tar in my pickup
truck."

TIRE - noun. A tall monument.
Usage: "Lord willing and the creeks don't rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in
Paris sometime."

HOT - noun. A blood-pumping organ.
HOD - adverb. Not easy.
Usage: "A broken hot is hod to fix."

RETARD - Verb. To stop working.
Usage: "My granpaw retard at age 65."

TARRED - adverb. Exhausted.
Usage: "I just flew in from Hot-lanta, and boy my arms are tarred."

RATS - noun. Entitled power or privilege.
Usage: "We Southerners are willing to fight for out rats."

LOT - adjective. Luminescent.
Usage: "I dream of Jeanie in the lot-brown hair."

FARN - adjective. Not local.
Usage: "I cudnt unnerstand a wurd he sed ... must be from some farn country."

DID - adjective. Not alive.
Usage: "He's did, Jim."

EAR - noun. A colorless, odorless gas (unless you are in LA).
Usage: "He can't breathe ... give 'em some ear!"

BOB WAR - noun. A sharp, twisted cable.
Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."

JU-HERE - a question.
Usage: "Juhere that former Dallas Cowboys' coach Jimmy Johnson recently toured the
University of Alabama?"

HAZE - a contraction.
Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah ... haze ignert."

SEED - verb, past tense.
VIEW - contraction: verb and pronoun.
Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City ... view?"

HEAVY DEW - phrase. A request for action.
Usage: "Kin I heavy dew me a favor?"

GUMMIT - Noun. An often-closed bureaucratic institution.
Usage: "Great ... ANOTHER gummit shutdown!

Oops... Bill call me dumb and stamp it in red on my forehead, but I actually use that word a lot. My sister (the English professor) uses it too. Scary thing is she is almost through with her doctrate from FSU.

Oh well, I have decided that it IS a real word! Can you tell I am feeling a wee bit bossy/pushy today?

Dad why is Miss Bessy in the hospital? Son shes having a little plumbing problem. I was about twenty till I figured that one out.

Deb I was pokeing fun at you, I use it too. Just don't write legal documents with it. BTW the lawyer who wrote it told me I was crazy that it's not a word

Ewest what's the correct word I use "not withstanding"

"Youngins"

"That made me more scared than a pole cat with a long tail in a room full of rocking chairs"

My favorite, that puts the question, comment or problem back into the speaker's hands..."Well?"

examp: Yall should have called before you put a pick through my liner..."Well?"

See ya!

I guess if you have less regard for something than regardless would explain, then the double negative, irregardless would be applicable.
Now, is that ap/pli'ca/ble or ap'pli/ca/ble.

Bill :

Yall pleeese dunt right no legal papers !!!

Try this " not withstanding anything contained herein to the contrary" . Never was sure what that means. Better " this provision supercedes and controls over any conflicting or contrary provision contained herein "

Irregardless - a substandard or humorous redundancy for regardless.

Eric West, a true Southern Gentleman

Ya'll missed the best one. Yankees are like Hemmoroids (sp). If the come down and go back up they are ok. If they come down and stay , they are a PAIN in the ass.

Thanks Bill I am honored to know I am in the same group along with you and many others here.

Casca there must not be any Yankees on the forum as I have not met any northerners here that fit that description. I have met a few people like that but not here.

And by the way, my old man was from Appleton , Wis. So I guess I am half a pain myself.

Casca, " not withstanding anything contained herein to the contrary" I hereby solemnly swear, Ah never said or even thought that about any of our Northern brethren. Now, Southern brethren, I reserve judgment.

"What's the difference between a Yankee and a Damn Yankee?

A Yankee comes down to Florida, spends all his money, and leaves.

A Damn Yankee comes down to Florida, spends all his money, and stays."

-told to me by a Tampa native.

My personal favorite from my Grandfather, referring to a less than honest person. " I wouldn't trust him in an outhouse with a muzzle on."
He actually didn't use the term "outhouse' but I cleaned it up for posting here.

He lies so much that his hogs won't even come when he calls them".

How can we forget the classic "he slicker than deer guts on a doorknob" or "that woman is a taco short of a combo platter"...

And in the South, gun control means using both hands!

When we spent money on things my dad considered unwise. He would say " you might as well throw your money up a wild hog's ass and holler suey. I miss him

In my area, there is a new race here. They are "half-backs". These are Yankees that moved to Florida, did not like the heat and moved half way back to North Carolina.

My fovorite so far!!!!

I'm still laughing, and the way it's going, it may last all day!

...

- No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.

- Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines. We don't do "queues, we do "lines"; and when we're in line," we talk to everybody!

- Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage.

- To those of you who're still a little embarrassed by your Southerness: Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning. Bless your heart!

- And for those that are not from the South but have lived here for a long time, ya'll need a sign to hang on ya' front porch that reads "I ain't from the South but I got here as fast as I could."

Gator

My friends in Abilene laughed ever so hard, when I admitted (actually spit coffee outta my nose) that I'd not heard the phrase "...like a diamond inna billygoat's a**..."

...and that was in a staff meeting with a VP...

...like puttin' perfume on a pig and sendin' it to Sunday School

My mother from Miss. was fond of saying "it's colder than a witches tit!"
One time she was trying to get a turkey unstuck from the bottom of a pan (hadn't used a rack) when it came unstuck it flew out of the pan and onto the floor! She exclaimed "nobody saw that turkey fall on the floor!"
We say that regularly now when we do something we wish no one saw.
The latest is "dealio":
it has many applications
What is the dealio?
Delio!!! when excited
Kids argueing a point: "delio" a revised version of "because I said so" or "end of conversation" remember those? Hated it! Glad to have found an updated version. Can't say the things the 'rents said that were so irritating.

Good ones, Sara. I'll bet that floor the turkey fell on was clean enough to eat off of, too.

We used to say colder than a witches tit in a brass bra. Or, colder than a well digger's butt in Idaho.

Sorry to make this X-rated, but I couldn't resist.

When you live in the south, you've definitely been doing this on a summer afternoon: "Sweatn' Like a Whore in Church."

I don't know how clean the floor was but I know there was a house full of us waiting for that 20 pounder. Whatchagonado?
Were you saying I wasn't a lady? I look like one, don't tell. Just kidding, only my best friends figured out what you got right off...
How about "worried sick" I have a new topic no one has responded to that I am worried sick about: 'bout adding too much aluminum sulfate. On top of that I let my peacocks out for the night and they ended up in different trees and are screaming a lot. Last night it was the dogs, tonight it is the dogs with him responding. One of my neighbors is prob. going to call me...something.
I thought of another saying: 'bout like to turn me on! I don't know why that cracks me up. My kids could crawl in a hole when I say that, who could blame them!
Anyway how about mosying over to my other post and advising and consoling me. If you succeed, then I'll only have the peafowl keeping me up all night!
aaahhh

Jimmy wheels, we have all sweated like that(good 0ne), and have been as fidgetty(sp) or nervous as one, too.

BTW...interested in your solar aeration system. Have you got it in the water yet? If not, can you please post the motor label info(current, cfm, @psi etc), and if you have, are there any specs on the system? Can you tell us what depth you have it in and how long you have it running.

tnx

Heard a good one over the weekend.

Southern girl is taking her first airplane trip. She is real excided about this big adventure and dresses in her Sunday best. After she sits down on the plane a lady sits next to her dressed in the finest cloths she has ever seen. When the lady spoke to the flight attendant she realized she was not from the south. Being a friedly southern girl she decided to break the ice with "where you from?". The Lady turned to her with her nose in the air and said "young lady where I am from we do not end our sentences with a preposition". The southern girl thought for a moment then turned and said "where you from b--ch"

yall saying too many cus words on here... Thats not very christian...

Big Pond I did think twice before I posted that, but it was hard to clean up

Hey Big Pond; where have you been? I thought a bigun had pulled you in.

Duggan, I don't understand. Why would anyone edit the word "bunch".

Good one Dave should have thought of it my self

What about "witch" I thought about that one also but it would take away from the meaning and spelling.

Big Pond, I hear where you're coming from, but isn't that rather mild among a bunch of adults? Take a look at what the over the air network TV and radio shows are pumping out to our kids and grandkids. Start a Crusade where it is needed; I will gladly join in.

Burger in Big Ponds defense when he read it b--ch it had all the letters. I have no problem with his comment

OK, I gotcha. Still though, just look around, walk thru the mall, or by a school, what you hear is disgusting.

I've heard truck drivers say they had a truck that wouldn't pull a greasy string out of a cat's butt.

Around my area, if a business owner was not known to do honest business and/or was notoriously expensive, the term "lyin" is used before their name. Ex. Lyin' George.

I'd post somethin' more significant but I'm busier than a one legged man in a butt kicking contest right now.

BM :

I thought about the edit before I did it. Bill is a great guy and I think the world of him and he is a true gentleman. He knows if he needs my help he has it with no hesitation. If this was a publicly owned forum and no kids there would have been no edit by me. But it is not and there are kids. We have been instructed - no bad language and I am compelled to do what I said I would. BTW there are controls even on the sources like TV . Ask the TV network if they liked paying a very large fine ($550,000) for not being sure that J. Jackson kept her body parts covered in her Super Bowl act. I do agree with you that what we hear all around us is sometimes disgusting. Thankfully though we do not have to be that way or join in the trip to the lowest common denominator.

Ewest, now I see the chronology of the posts. You edited 2 hrs. after Bill posted, and 1 hr. after Big Pond posted his regret. I thought Bill had put the blanks in. Man, how did we get so many Southern Sayings in without any other moderating. I feel like I may have slipped one by. Good to see CB1 kicking in with a good 'un.
Hey MR.s moderators, why dont my grimlins go where I want them to?

thanks Eric

Don' forgit anything that ends with 'ow' really is just 'r'. yah I caught them crappie with sum' menners; open the winder let sum' air in; that ther' widder lady. I'm thinking of deducting my vacations to the South from my taxes. As a teacher I may be able to claim I'm learning a second language! :p

Teach, just my opinion, but some of us would argue that you already speak a second language and are travelin South for edification in proper enunciation.

I didn't kner that!