want to know...

I ain't got a clue

"Pope announces new diet created by monkeys from outer space."

shoes for industry; shoes for the dead

Free Corona

...why eating asparagus makes your pee smell for most folks, but not for a few other people here and there.

Probably the same reason you can't grow Vidalia onions anywhere but around Vidalia [and it ain't the US patent office, either.]

Why are they smelling your pee in the first place...no wait,I dont think I want to know the answer to that.

The asparagus produces a pretty expansive range of odor when standing at a facility.

Why the IQ and life expectancy of the average american have passed each other going in the opposite direction.

Would it be possible to travel to the sun if you traveled at night?

Where does the white stuff go when snow melts?

Why you aren't supposed to eat yellow snow?

"Why you aren't supposed to eat yellow snow?"

Its the asparagus

Or Frank Zappa.

How do men and women even get along, they are so different?

Which fork in the road of life is the right one ?

There was once a friend of mine who said his wife was like an Angel. She was either up in the air about something or harping. Of course I didn't agree with him but it is something for an inquiring mind to ponder.

Some of my favorites:
* Is there another word for synonym?
* Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
* What does Geronimo scream when he jumps out of a plane?
* Why are there five syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?
* Why is the word "abbreviation" so long?
* Do fish get cramps after eating?
* If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?
* How is it possible to have a civil war?
* How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
* If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
* Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
* If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
* If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?
* If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?
* When a cow laughs does milk come up its nose?
* How did a fool and his money get together in the first place?
* If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
* What's another word for thesaurus?
* Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
* What was the best thing before sliced bread?
* What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
* How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
* Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
* OK, so what's the speed of dark?
* If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
* When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts," and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
* Shouldn't a man who invests all your money be called something other than a broker?
* If 21 is pronounced twenty-one why isn't 11 pronounced onety-one?
* If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't people from Holland called "Holes?"
* Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
* After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting out of the water?
* What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
* Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
* Why do we say something is out of whack? What's in whack?
* Why do "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
* At ball games, why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we're already there?
* Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?
* Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?
* When blondes have more fun, do they know it?
* If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead."?
* If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
* How much deeper would the ocean be if all the sponges didn't live there?
* Which do you save when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

Jeff, I'm speechless - at a loss for words (except those I just used)...

STOP..JHAP wins

And you thought my Hedley Lamar quote was just to fill space beneath my signature line.

Clearly, the end of the 3rd quarter means nothing to JHAP. I could have come up with better stuff than I posted, however, I was burning the midnight oil for my project, recovering from my trip, and catching up at work.

Actually, I've been burning the midnight oil working on the final due date for tax returns. In fact the only reason I'm not working right now is that I'm sitting in a hospital waiting room. Mom is in surgery (knee replacement surgery) and I'm sitting in the waiting room bored.

Yeah, but if you were really all that smart, you'd have made 44 separate posts instead of one big one. Just think, you could have been 44 posts closer to Sunil......

Yolk, that

would just be

over

kill.

Gosh, give your mom my best. Sounds really painful, the actual experience, followed by all the therapy, the extensive rehab, all those medications, and then having everyone around you know what you've been through and how it's changed you...of course, I'm referring to having survived the experience of RAISING JHAP, not the knee surgery, but that doesn't sound like any fun either.

Hey Jeff we are burning a candle for you Mom

Raising JHAP is a never ending, thankless job. Just ask Ricki, she is going in on the 22nd for either knee replacement or hip replacement surgery (the doctors will decide which is going to take precedence next Monday). People that hang around me much just seem to fall apart.

Thanks Larry. She is due out of surgery in about a half an hour. I'm sure she'll be fine, she has a great surgeon and is at a good hospital.

You are a good son, JHAP with a very sharp mind. I hope it turns out well.

JHAP:

Give your mom my best wishes for a speedy recovery. My Dad had both knees replaced at the same time last February.

Best to your mom, JHAP. My mom did two knees at once a number of years ago and then a hip about one year later. She's did great - having the right doc and the right rehab specialist certainly makes all the difference. Plus, you'll no doubt give her some motivation to get up and smack you in the back of the head for some clever quip!

ARGH Jeff I hope she has a speedy and complete recovery. You are allowed no more hospital visits for the next 10 years...this is my edict.

2cat, if the "it" you referred to is his mind, I've got some bad news for you...

Yep a mind is a terrible thing to waste!

this is your brain
this is your brain on JHAP

Thanks to all for the kind thoughts and wishes. Mom did quite well in surgery. She finally got to her room last night after 8pm. Long day at the hospital (1pm to 9pm).

Tj, I'd be more than happy if I didn't see the inside of another hospital again for several years. Unfortunately, with Ricki's pending knee surgery and then hip replacement surgery, that's just not going to happen.

What I should do is get a job at the hospital. Heck, I can probably figure out how to remove an appendix, how hard can it be? Does it bother anyone else that the word appendix can mean either (1) an addition to a document, such as a book or legal contract or (2) a human organ. So if someone tells you they had appendicitis, you can never be quite sure whether or not they had a medical problem or a publishing problem.

Do you know that we (the collective we as in the human race type of we, but not to be confused with human wee which is an entirely different subject matter) don't even know what the medical appendix does? Some people know what purpose the book appendix serves, personally it's been years since I've looked at a book appendix, so for me they are a waste of space. Come to think of it, since no one knows what the medical appendix does, I'm kinda thinking that they are a waste of space as well. Just think if you didn't have an appendix you could free up some extra space to store something else in there (oh, I'm back to talking about the medical appendix here, try and keep up will ya?). We could have a second heart to run faster and jump higher. Or perhaps we could fashion a little door to access this extra space or a pouch like a kangaroo. You could carry your wallet, cell phone and Ipod in your appendix pouch. You know, I think I'm on to something here. Dang you people are lucky I never became a doctor.

You want to know a strange bit of JHAP trivia? Too bad, I'm telling you anyway, many years ago my wisdom teeth came in without any problems and they are still in my mouth to this day. That's probably why I'm able to think of all these unusual things. It's like I'm a medical miracle.

And to think all this time I was certain you were bipolar. Turns out you were actually bimolar instead.

Yep,I think we all agree,JHAP is a medical miricle,we just arent sure if its good or bad.

Just gotta hope it isn't real contagious.

My dentist told me I was also one of the lucky 5% of the population who gets to keep their wisdom teeth. See Jeff it pays to have a big mouth. Sadly it doesn't appear to have made either one of us wiser.