Golden Shriner (Notemigonis illuminatus)
The Golden Shriner (GSR) is found in many American ponds and lakes, at least during warm weather months. While it would seem probable that GSR are present in these waters year-round, they have chiefly been observed on or near Summer holidays such as the 4th of July and Labor Day. Some authorities believe that GSR leave colder climates and migrate to Florida in the Winter.
Figure 3: The Golden Shriner
RANGE: Located throughout the entire country, GSR tend to be concentrated in and around urban areas.
APPEARANCE: Neat and dapper, the typical GSR appears aged but well preserved. The red bump that is invariably present on the head is a normal part of GSR physiology, not a parasite or tumor as is sometimes thought.
SPAWNING: Despite years of research and study, GSR have never been observed exhibiting spawning behavior. The exact nature of GSR reproduction remains a mystery, compounded by the fact that only elderly male GSRs have ever been collected from the wild. Some researchers believe that GSR do not spawn at all, but rather recruit their members from other species of fish once they reach a certain social and economic status.
DIET: The preferred GSR diet consists of highballs, dry martinis, prunes, and circus food. Although it gives them gas.
STRUCTURE PREFERENCES: Antique fire trucks and 1/10 scale model aircraft.
