Pond Boss Forums INTRO Questions & Observations Cormorantophobia

NEW DELUSIONAL CONDITION AFFECTING POND OWNERS IDENTIFIED

Dr. Sigmund �Tex� Gruenlach of the East Texas Mental Health Institute has identified a previously unknown delusion affecting pond owners. The condition, know as �Cormorantophobia� or �Hartley�s Syndrome,� is, in layman�s terms, the dread fear of Water Turkeys.

Dr. Gruenlach expounds: �To date, Cormorantophobia has only occurred among pond owners, although we are keeping a close eye on the sportfishing community as we are afraid they may also be susceptible � there is a great deal of overlap and intermingling between the two groups. Members of the general population should have no fear of contracting Hartley�s Syndrome. Pond owners are on the edge, so to speak, to begin with, and Cormorantophobia seems to occur only in the more radical fringe elements within this group.

Hartley�s Syndrome tends to occur in advanced Ichthyophiles who have suffered a traumatic Water Turkey induced shock, typically the loss of an entire pond full of fish. Once afflicted, the Cormorantophobe�s thoughts and actions become increasingly concerned with Water Turkeys, quickly reaching unhealthy levels which are unapparent to the sufferer but which are easily identified by objective observers or family members. �Without exception, every Cormorantophobe (or, for that matter, pond owner) we have studied has a spouse or friends who knew, even warned, that they were crazy before the Mental Health Community ever became involved,� states Dr. Gruenlach.

�The typical Cormorantophobe engages in fantasy to self-justify his constant preoccupation with Water Turkeys, developing an increasingly complex system of stories and delusions which, to outsiders, appear as simple paranoid manifestations. But they can be extremely elaborate. One poor man concocted an entire fictional �Mexican vacation,� complete with thousands of marauding Water Turkeys decimating the landscape, to convince his friends and associates that his obsession with the birds (which included constantly shouting �they�re everywhere, they�re everywhere�) was reasonable. This fellow is retired from NASA, and apparently used his connections to produce pictures of the fictional trip, including fisherman brag shots, using the same technology which was developed to fake the manned Moon landings and Martian rover pictures (see story below). The entire time he was supposedly at the Bay of Campeche, he was actually sitting next to his ponds in his underwear crying over the remains of his Water Turkey-decimated Bass.

�Fortunately, Hartley�s Syndrome is readily treatable using electroshock therapy. We even have hopes of curing some of the many Cormorantophobes, eventually. The average sufferer is, for some reason, amenable to repeated electroshocks; they apparently think it will provide them with something called �a population survey with relative weight information,� in exchange for which they are happy to cooperate.

HIGH-TECH SELF DELUSION MADE SIMPLE OR HOW TO FAKE A MEXICAN VACATION

What are some of the techniques used by Cormorantophobes to justify their delusions? Let�s take a look at how one man, a retired NASA Engineer, could have �virtually� spent a week fishing and cursing Water Turkeys at the Bay of Campeche.

First, start with images of two common pond fish � the White Amur



and the Largemouth Bass



Then add a child�s toy



and blend together, placing the result on a stock Ocean background



Then massage with multi-billion dollar NASA image enhancing software, to produce a picture of a fisherman with his exotic trophy in an exotic location. Presto! Instant Mexican vacation.

Ok, I saw this coming, sort of...

check out this link for proof of the water turkey rookery in Campeche:

http://anglingdestinations.com/

Select recent adventures and then Tarpon in Mexico.

Nice try, however. Just a couple of mistakes: 1) there are no such things as Mental Health Institutes in East Texas, were're all too smart for that and the other thing, that guy looks an awful lot like Bob the Builder, clearly not a fisherman or pond meister.

You might consider looking like Bob the Builder lucky, ML, you nearly got Captain Kangaroo in a bush jacket and pith helmet. :p

Theo, that's a thing of beauty...

That's truly accomplished writing, Theo.

While some innocently hold out Captain Kangaroo as a somewhat milquetoast character and a little ridiculous, I read that he was a decorated USMC WW2 combat hero in the Pacific theater. I also read that Mr. Rogers was as well. While I realize that you meant no disrespect, perhaps we should hold Captain Kangaroo in higher regard than Bob the Builder.

I just did a little more research, reading an article stating that Captain Kangaroo (Bob Keeshan) enlisted in the Marine Corps shortly before Hiroshima was A-bombed, too late to see combat. The article further stated that Mr. Rogers (Fred Rogers) never served in the military.

Theo, that is one of the rottenest tricks I've ever seen pulled on a nice guy like Hartley. You ought to be ashamed of yourself. I was working on one but you beat me to it. No way I can top yours, so I'll go back to my skulking.

What hath Lusk wrought?

The fourth paragraph which starts with "The Typical Cormoranthophobe....." is absolutely hilarious.

And the shocking imagery of ML in his skibies by his pond.....too much!

Hey Dudley, what have you been doing? Just lurking?

Actually, that part about sitting next to the pond exposed and crying about water turkeys isn't too far from reality...maybe Theo has been checking my birdhouse hidden camera.

'Lark, we did manage to hack your birdhouse camera, but my private I.T. Manager (14 year old) refused to post the resulting pictures. It's nice to know the boy has better judgement (or at least taste) than his old man.

I would also like to state that I meant no disrespect to Captain Kangaroo (or Mr. Rogers, or even Bob the Builder), who was always my favorite children's show host when I was a kid. To this day, my family and I use snippets of the Captain's wisdom, from dropping a plethora of Ping-Pong balls on our adversaries to being "exhausted from the rigors of our last adventure." I merely meant that it was up to Meadowlark to decide whether he would rather be contrasted with the patient, compassionate Captain Kangaroo or the buff, macho Bob the Builder.

Hello, son of Theo here, with a rebuttal.

Yeah, Dad, I don't have any higher moral standards. I'm the weirdo who watches movies like this in the morning.

Speaking for myself, I meant Bob the Builder plenty harm. He CLAIMED he served in 'Nam, but he obviously was hiding out in Canada, because he appeared in the movie Strange Brew .

Yep, Sunil, just lurking, ready to offer perspective modification when the rare occasion arises. It gets lonely, having little knowledge and little to offer in the way of pond management. So I lurk and stir, stir and lurk. Maybe I'll change my name to Spit Stirrer.

Hey Dudley or Spit Stirrer, Lack of knowledge is no reason not to post. You are sorely missed. Without you Theo has to carry the whole load and might strip a gear. Besides, lack of knowledge hasn't slowed me down.

Watch out guys, I think Theo has been bought off by the water turkeys. Perhaps he has been captured by them and is being forced to write pro-water turkey articles. I note he cleverly directed our attention from the water turkeys to the allegded "Mexican Big Foot, Bob the Builder, King of the Shiner Fisherman".

Should we mount a rescue operation or just let the turkeys keep him?

All I know for sure is this last week end, my propane smoker exploded and singed all the hair off my head and arms. Immediatly thereafter, through the smoke and smell of burnt hair, I saw a water turkey leaving my pond. The smoker is kept at the edge of the pond.
Coincidence? I don't think so...

Meadowlark I hope that when you see the first water turkey of the season you will sound the alarm. I'm thinking that you will see them first since you are further south. Do you have an air raid siren?

James,

Since the migration in the fall is from north to south and since you are north of me, I was kind of hoping you would be the sentinel.

You can, however, rest assured that I will be complaining loudly (probably much to the chagrin of other Forum readers) at the first sighting of these vile, bird flu carrying, fish eating water fowl(okay the bird flu is exageration for effect)

Any day now the first scout birds will be arriving...a big disadvantage to having multiple scattered ponds rather than one big pond is the difficulty of getting these scout birds on their first visit. It's important to never let them get that first fish, cause after that its all downhill 'till spring.

Eyes wide open, protective measures ready and waiting for the first double cheating cormorants.

The 26th & 27th, I spotted several cormorants in the Lake Ray Hubbard area (Dallas). Hopefully the scouts will hold off until Nov. 5th in my area...west of the metroplex. I will be waiting patiently Saturday morning with my Lazzeroni Warbird for deer, hogs, and cormorants. I sure would like to catch puffing a comorant on video ! hahaha, a big featherball

I just LOVE bird watching! What is the power of your cannon...er Canon, Eastland.

I'll be the first to warn. I have seen three this past sunday.

Sorry Meadowlark I thought that after reading your post about Mexico and the birds you had seen that that's where they were coming from. What other alternatives to shooting the birds exist? I saw a floating aligator advertised and wonder if that would work?

Floating alligators don't work...save your money. Fake owls don't work either, at least on water turkeys. Neither do shiny flashing objects. Parking cars, trucks, or tractors on the dam doesn't phase them in the least. Fake human "scare crows", even those that flop in the breeze don't work. We are talking about a bird that will "pattern" your behavior so as to be present when you are not and not present when you are...seriously!

The only thing that works for me is constant vigilance with the real willingness to protect your fish. Visible, audible use of force timed to meet their arrival is required. I didn't say killing, but certainly the threat of same must be made very real to them...especially the scout birds. Once they get comfortable with your pond, they will return with more and more birds taking more and more of your fish.

If this scares you, it should...those that don't have these pests to contend with can easily sit back and criticize and claim over statements of the problem. How can a bird hurt your pond, they say? This bird eats 1.5 pounds of fish per day. They have attacked my place in numbers well exceeding 30 birds at a time. If you are not there to defend your property, do the math...50 pounds of forage and small game fish a day...how long will your pond last at that rate? Even just 10 birds can remove over 100 pounds of fish per week.

One pound of fish lost to them is one pound too many, for me.

It is my belief that these birds target bass! I believe this because the shape of the bass makes them easier to swallow. I also only caught bass, no other type of fish, that had the tell tale scissor cut in their back. My biggest concern now is for those expensive hsb that I just stocked. Is there no other way to dicourage them but to be present. I live an hour away from my pond.

James,

There is a company that sells a propane "cannon" that can be set up to fire on a timer. I'll try to find the web link for you. I haven't used it, nor do I know of anyone who has, but it might work. The Danbury fish farm south of me hires full time "guards" who drive around the lakes all day looking for water turkeys...even at that, they loose thousands of dollars in fish every year. They have told me that the water turkeys watch for the guards and return to the places they leave.

I agree with you totally that they eat bass. I can't tell you how many bass I've seen with those markings just as you describe. I also have a picture of a water turkey eating a 1.5 pound LMB...not a pretty sight.

One good thing...at least on my ponds...they get in a pattern, arriving at the same time every day within minutes. If you watch carefully and get the pattern, you can "visit" the pond at those times and have a good deal of success...until they figure out your "pattern" and adjust.

It's a bad problem, for sure, if you have them. Maybe this will be a better year with less of them.

James,

Check this out...looks interesting and this is by far the most reasonable price I've seen for one of these units.

http://www.suttonag.com/Zon.html

ML, agree what you mentioned does not work. I also would add the cannon to the list. It will work for the first few times and like other tatics they habituation to it. Hum..."loud but I think it really is not goign to kill us". Good luck!