We came to this land from across the perilous seas from the Scottish highlands to find a new home. We fit the Comanch and the Hispans to settle the new land and called ourselves Texicans. Being peacable people we developed a new weapon to make ourselves invincible and safe from interlopers. We covered ourselves in the manure of the male bovine and for longer than our old ones remembered, none dared come upon us. Now we hear of a new and terrible weapon developed by a Pennsylvania Dutchman by way of the Indies. Rumor has it that this fisherfolk has surrounded himself with the eau of shat breeches of urchin. If this brigand comes through Hispanola past the Bermuda Triangle and bears WNW the Gulf breezes will render our lands uninhabitable. Some are considering suicide or (shudder) crossing the Red River into the Oklahoma Territory, a land known for brigands, thieves and OU Sooners. If they find no welcome there, their plans are to travel west to the Pacific Ocean where they will live on milk and honey at the expense of the current residents who have gainful employment.
