LOL, I'm a 20 year retired military medic. My boys would just have to deal with the old man, some forceps and a good betadine scrub. Now the sutures I can do but the amount may depend on how steady my hands are which would be directly proportional to the # of beers. The wife is not allowed to watch as her momma bear instincts in times like this make her think my daddy bear instincts are making me try to kill them. \:\)

Do not tell fish stories where the people know you; but particularly, don't tell them where they know the fish. Mark Twain