Dog & Cat Diarys


Excerpts from a Dog's diary:

8 AM Dog food! My favorite thing!
9 AM A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 AM A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 AM Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
NOON Lunch treats! My favorite thing!
1 PM Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3 PM Got to chew on my Kong toy! My favorite thing!
5 PM Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7 PM Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8 PM Watched TV with my master! My favorite thing!
11 PM Sleeping on the couch! My favorite thing!

Excerpts from a Cat's diary:

It's day 683 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me
with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh
meat, while the other inmates are fed hash or some sort of dry
nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear,
I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.
In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomited on the
floor.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at
their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts,
since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they
merely made condescending comments about "what a good little hunter"
I am. The audacity!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was
placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event;
however, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard
that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must
learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one
of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must
try this again tomorrow, this time at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and nitches.
The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released
and seems more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicating with the
guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. The
captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell,
so he is safe . . .
for now.......................................

Holding a redear sunfish is like running with scissors.