Let's see....
First, soak the severed head in three-day old sour milk (don't use skim or 2% as that will cause catastrophic consequences).
Next, place the container containing the soaking, severed head under your bed while you sleep for three consecutive nights, while still soaking in sour milk (NOTE: the container cannot be covered so as to allow the vapors to permeate through your bedroom).
Finally, you must immerse yourself in your pond, sans clothing, for (3) hours to allow the chance for revenge by the community of snapping turtles.
Once this is done, I think you'll be OK.
PS, after all this, just keep the container of sour milk and snapper head in your family room, sans cover of course.
