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Joined: May 2005
Posts: 844
Lunker
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Lunker
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 844 |
One day, thanks to the US Military, Bin Laden finally got what he's been asking for, killed! So he finds himself standing at the pearly gates only to find them closed. So he starts yelling, hey, God, I died for you and now I'm waiting for my reward. The gates didn't budge. Later, the gates opened, George Washington strolled out and proceeded to beat the %&%#@ out of Bin Laden. Some time after George left the doors opened again and Thomas Jefferson came out and did the same thing. One by one 68 more famous Americans came out and beat the crap out of him. As Bin Laden was laying on the ground looking like raw meat he cried out to God. "God what did I do wrong? Where is my reward?" God's voice echoed out from behind the doors and said "you fool, as usual you totally misinterpreted my Word, the scriptures, I never said that if you died terrorizing America that you'd recieve 70 virgins, it was 70 Virginians!"
Gotta get back to fishin!
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Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 8,854 Likes: 1
Moderator Ambassador Field Correspondent Lunker
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OP
Moderator Ambassador Field Correspondent Lunker
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 8,854 Likes: 1 |
http://www.youshock.com/skills/sheep_reaction_test#My best time was 0.2792 This was after about twenty tries. I had lots of times in the low .3's
Holding a redear sunfish is like running with scissors.
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Joined: May 2005
Posts: 844
Lunker
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Lunker
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 844 |
0.125 on first try. I'm sure your patients are glad your not too fast when doing their teeth!
Gotta get back to fishin!
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Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 8,854 Likes: 1
Moderator Ambassador Field Correspondent Lunker
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OP
Moderator Ambassador Field Correspondent Lunker
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 8,854 Likes: 1 |
Holding a redear sunfish is like running with scissors.
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Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 8,854 Likes: 1
Moderator Ambassador Field Correspondent Lunker
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OP
Moderator Ambassador Field Correspondent Lunker
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 8,854 Likes: 1 |
OK, I repositioned myself. Got my butt off the bed. Got in a crouched position...
Still can't seem to get my average under .27
Sheepdip.
Last edited by Theo Gallus; 03/15/08 07:32 AM. Reason: Let's get colloquial!
Holding a redear sunfish is like running with scissors.
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Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 21,541 Likes: 282
Moderator Hall of Fame 2014 Lunker
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Moderator Hall of Fame 2014 Lunker
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 21,541 Likes: 282 |
2 attempts not including when I shot myself in the foot and went to sleep.
Avg .214
Best time .175
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Joined: May 2004
Posts: 14,041 Likes: 300
Moderator Lunker
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Moderator Lunker
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 14,041 Likes: 300 |
It called me an Armadillo and told me I needed coffee - after I just finished a Diet Dew1
"Live like you'll die tomorrow, but manage your grass like you'll live forever." -S. M. Stirling
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Joined: May 2005
Posts: 844
Lunker
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Lunker
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 844 |
Another blonde joke:
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, 'Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started.'
Her boyfriend asks, 'What is it supposed to be when it's finished?'
The blonde says, 'According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster.'
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.
She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,
'First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster.'
He takes her hand and says, 'Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then ..' he said with a deep sigh, . .. . . . . .
'Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box.'
Gotta get back to fishin!
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Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 8,854 Likes: 1
Moderator Ambassador Field Correspondent Lunker
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OP
Moderator Ambassador Field Correspondent Lunker
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 8,854 Likes: 1 |
Holding a redear sunfish is like running with scissors.
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 1,256
Lunker
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Lunker
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 1,256 |
Shootin' the sheep. Something an "aggy" would do.
"Only after sorrow's hand has bowed your head will life become truly real to you; then you will acquire the noble spirituality which intensifies the reality of life. I go to an all-powerful God. Beyond that I have no knowledge--no fear--only faith."
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Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 21,541 Likes: 282
Moderator Hall of Fame 2014 Lunker
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Moderator Hall of Fame 2014 Lunker
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 21,541 Likes: 282 |
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Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 6,934 Likes: 2
Ambassador Field Correspondent Lunker
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Ambassador Field Correspondent Lunker
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 6,934 Likes: 2 |
you laugh now 'Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box.' we'll see who's laughin' when they find the one that shaped like the state of Illinois
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Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 3,261
Ambassador Lunker
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Ambassador Lunker
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 3,261 |
or the mother mary...sorry...my bad, back to my corner now.
GSF are people too!
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Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 6,934 Likes: 2
Ambassador Field Correspondent Lunker
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Ambassador Field Correspondent Lunker
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 6,934 Likes: 2 |
...seriously did ya catch this one on the media?
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Joined: May 2004
Posts: 14,041 Likes: 300
Moderator Lunker
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Moderator Lunker
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 14,041 Likes: 300 |
or the mother mary...sorry...my bad, back to my corner now. No sheep for you.
"Live like you'll die tomorrow, but manage your grass like you'll live forever." -S. M. Stirling
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Joined: May 2005
Posts: 844
Lunker
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Lunker
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 844 |
That must be your bid huh Brettski?
Gotta get back to fishin!
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Joined: May 2004
Posts: 14,041 Likes: 300
Moderator Lunker
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Moderator Lunker
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 14,041 Likes: 300 |
"Great Illinois Corn Flake"? Hah! It looks more like a noseless Davy Crockett wearing a mink stole.
"Live like you'll die tomorrow, but manage your grass like you'll live forever." -S. M. Stirling
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Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 6,934 Likes: 2
Ambassador Field Correspondent Lunker
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Ambassador Field Correspondent Lunker
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 6,934 Likes: 2 |
That must be your bid huh Brettski? You saw what happened to gold, didn't ya?
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 16,097 Likes: 287
Moderator Lunker
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Moderator Lunker
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 16,097 Likes: 287 |
Barnum was right. There really is a sucker born every minute. Evidently no shortage of them.
Of course, had I gotten a corn flake that size, i would never have thought to try to sell it.
It's not about the fish. It's about the pond. Take care of the pond and the fish will be fine. PB subscriber since before it was in color.
Without a sense of urgency, Nothing ever gets done.
Boy, if I say "sic em", you'd better look for something to bite. Sam Shelley Rancher and Farmer Muleshoe Texas 1892-1985 RIP
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Joined: May 2005
Posts: 844
Lunker
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Lunker
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 844 |
DD1, it's not the size of that flake, it's the shape! It looks like George Burns.
Yes Brettski, my brother tried to talk me into buying a bunch of gold a year ago, he sells it. Wish I would have bought $50 grand.
Gotta get back to fishin!
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Joined: May 2005
Posts: 844
Lunker
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Lunker
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 844 |
Another blonde joke:
The blonde got job in the M&M factory in quality control She got fired after the first day for rejecting half the run of candy. She went home and told her boy friend what happened. "Those idiots," she says, "they apparently don't realize that half the candy they make has W's on them.
Gotta get back to fishin!
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Joined: May 2005
Posts: 844
Lunker
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Lunker
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 844 |
All you southerners are getting too busy to read jokes I'm sure. Here up north we just got 6 inches of snow and I'm still waiting for 18 inches of ice to melt.
Remember the blonde who tried to assemble the corn flakes puzzle? Well, she was embarassed so she figured she would go to the store and buy a real puzzle and impress her boy friend with her intelligence. At the store the clerk showed her the puzzle selection and she bought a good one. When she got home she called her boy friend and told him that he couldn't see what she was doing in the den until she finished something that was going to be a surprise. Well, 6 months went by. Finally she told her boy friend that he could come into the den and see the surprise. He immediately saw the puzzle on the table and it was totally complete. Nice job on the puzzle he said, but where's the surprise. "The puzzle", she said, "I'll have you know I got that puzzle together all by myself and it only took me six months." "Six, months!" the boy friend exclaimed. "Yeah, it only took me six months even though the box said 2 to 4 years!"
Gotta get back to fishin!
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Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 1,319
Lunker
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Lunker
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 1,319 |
I was rated a sluggish snail. It told me to get more coffee so I am, bye.
In Dog Beers, I've had one.
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Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 6,934 Likes: 2
Ambassador Field Correspondent Lunker
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Ambassador Field Correspondent Lunker
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 6,934 Likes: 2 |
Barnum was right. There really is a sucker born every minute. Evidently no shortage of them.
Of course, had I gotten a corn flake that size, i would never have thought to try to sell it. ...sold for $1350. I wonder what a corn flake shaped like Nebraska would fetch?
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Joined: May 2004
Posts: 14,041 Likes: 300
Moderator Lunker
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Moderator Lunker
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 14,041 Likes: 300 |
"Live like you'll die tomorrow, but manage your grass like you'll live forever." -S. M. Stirling
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