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I guess I might as well reveal that I'm half Porturalian. My mother is a Porturalian war bride who fell in love with my Dad after he gave her a can of Spam in WWII. That's what they told us kids, anyway.

Since I speak a modicum of Porturalian, I have taken the liberty of translating the Porturalian national anthem. I must warn you that it was written by their Chamber of Commerce.

There's a place in the Sun, on one side of the world or the other
Where someone you know's from; it might be your Father or Mother.
We've got Cork Oaks galore, and maybe some bagels and loxes.
We're the world's largest exporter of yellow wine in cardboard boxes.

[chorus]
All hail Porturalia,
A country we didn't make up.

When our fishing boats sail, they bring back sardines and anchovies.
We're the number one source for organic marsupial baloney.
We don't run with the bulls; our national sport's juggling ferrets
And we're close to the place where they have those carnivorous parrots.

[chorus]
All hail Porturalia,
A country we didn't make up.