If you've never seen these, there are some good laughs. I tried to edit as much as I could, but there may be a few marginal ones.
Confucius say, difference between peeping tom and pick pocket is pick pocket snatches watches.
Confucius say, virginity like bubble. One prick - all gone
Confucius say, man who do business in whore house get jerked around
Confucius say, panties not best thing on earth, but next to it
Confucius say, war not determine who right. War determine who left
Confucius say, woman who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house
Confucius say, man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night
Confucius say, it take many nail to build crib, one screw to fill it
Confucius say, man who keep feet on ground have trouble putting on pants
Confucius say, if you want pretty nurse, you got to be patient
Confucius say, passionate kiss like spider web, soon lead to undoing of fly
Confucius say, woman who go camping must beware of evil intent
Confucius say, squirrel who runs up woman's leg not find nuts
Confucius say, man who run before bus get tired
Confucius say, man who run behind bus get exhausted
Confucius say, man who make love on side of hill not on level
Confucius say, sex is like the army, the closer you are to discharge, the better you feel
Confucius say, man with tight trousers is pressing his luck
Confucius say, man who stand on toilet high on pot
Confucius say, man who eat crackers in bed wake up feeling crummy
Confucius say, man with hand in pocket all day not crazy, just feeling nuts
Confucius say, man who sleep in bed of nails is holy
Confucius say, do not drink and park, accidents cause people
Confucius say, man who put pea in soup very unclean
Confucius say, man who run through airport turnstile backward going to Bangkok
Confucius say, man who fishes in another woman's well, often catches crab
Confucius say, butcher who back into meat grinder get a little behind in his orders
Confucius say, man who live in glass house, should change in basement
Confucius say, man who shoot off mouth, must expect to lose face
Confucius say, man with big mouth beware of foot
Confucius say, man who fart in church, sit in own pew
Confucius say, woman who fly upside down have crack up
Confucius say, man who leap off cliff jump to conclusion
Confucius say, man under wheelbarrow playing with tool, not necessarily mechanic
Confucius say, house without bathroom is uncanny
Confucius say, man who throws dirt is losing ground
Confucius say, man who lay woman on ground, get piece on earth
Confucius say, man who get kicked in testicles, left holding the bag
Confucius say, man who buy drowned cat, get wet pussy
Confucius say, man trapped in pantry, have ass in jam
Confucius say, girl who sit on jockey's lap get hot tip
Confucius say, girl who sit on judge's lap get honorable discharge
Confucius say, waitress who sit on leper's lap, keep tip
Confucius say, man who snort coke, get bubbles up nose
Confucius say, cow with no legs, ground beef
Confucius say, two wrongs not make right, but two rights make U-turn
Confucius say, baby born in car with automatic transmission, grow to become shiftless bastard
Confucius say, finding old man in dark, not hard
Confucius say, man who smoke pot, choke on handle
Confucius say, man with head on railroad track, listening for train to come, get splitting headache
Confucius say, man who sneeze without tissue take matter into own hands
Confucius say, secretary become permanent fixture, when screwed on desk
Confucius say, man who drive like hell, bound to get there
Confucius say, man who sit on tack, get point
Confucius say, man who put cream in tart, not always baker
Confucius say, woman who spend much time on bedspring, may get offspring
Confucius say, woman who dance wearing jock strap, have make believe ballroom
Confucius say, support bacteria - is only culture some people have
Confucius say, man with athletic finger, make broad jump
Confucius say, man who sit on upturned tack, rise above all
Confucius say, wash face in morning, neck at night
Confucius say, man who have last laugh, not get joke
Confucius say, man who sleep with old hen, find it better than pullet
Confucius say, men may have more hair on chest than woman, but on the whole, women have more
Confucius say, man who push piano down mine shaft, likely to get A flat minor
Confucius say, man who put face in punchbowl, get punch in nose
Confucius say, woman who sink in man's arms, soon have arms in man's sink
--------------------------------
Moderation, Round 1 - Theo
