A little old guy is walking around in a supermarket calling
> out, Crisco, Crissssssscooo...
>
> Soon an assistant manager approaches and says, "Sir, the Crisco is in
> aisle 3.
>
> The old guy replies, "Oh, I'm not looking for the cooking stuff. I'm
> calling my wife. She's in here somewhere".
>
> The clerk is astonished. "Your wife's name is Crisco?"
> The old guy answers, "Oh no, no, no. I only call her that when we're
> out in public."
>
> "I see," said the clerk. "What do you call her at home?"
>
> "Lard Ass."