As always, Theo, a well thought out presentation. I am inclined to believe this delivery is not a parody since there are no trees identified as Pinus Tufftagrowus.
But seriously folks, we moved into our crib 10 years ago. This, our principal residence, was a naked beanfield so we planted Austrian Pines, Norway Spruce, and Gray Birch. We chose these species based on minimal research and mostly the recommendation of the guru at a mail-order nursery named Carino (out east...PA?) The soil is hi clay content (can't guess at the acidity level), and gets decent water due to surrounding run-off. All trees arrived bare root, 2-3 year seedlings, probably 24" - 36" long. The Birch (a kissing cousin to White Paper Birch, but minimal exfoliation...beautiful white color) grew like weeds and are about 25 - 30' tall, 4-5" caliper. The Austrian are 12' tall, 10' wide, and 5-6" caliper. The Norway Spruce started slow first 3 years, then took off; they are 7-8' tall, perfectly conical, 2-3" caliper and growing 1-1.5' taller per year. Based on research, Austrian Pine is probably the strongest survivor/fastest grower of conifers. It is the tree of choice of DOT because of it's tolerance to lousy soil, lousy atmoshere, lousy location. This is why they are often used along highways. Personally, I like their appearance due to their stout construction and very long, thick needles. The Norways are also v tolerant in all respects...but will grow to mammoth proportions. (All heed Theo's warning: when you are sure you have left enuff room for growth, increase by 150-200%). Norway is the selected tree for many major metro Christmas trees. It's beauty declines, tho, at maturity as it's branches begin to droop severely and it loses it's handsome firm posture. Kinda like Sprucis-osteoporosis (the door's open, Theo...take it and run!). The one thing we did anticipate and planned very well was create a wall of varying species of conifers as a screen. We would go to the nurseries at the end of the season and buy the orphans...the trees that got passed over because of minor growth defects that are easily corrected with pruning shears and a year or two of patience. We mixed these in with our mail order trees and I, too, have a few that I cannot remember their names (scientific names, not postal) for the life of me. The second well planned move was to plant the Birches in clumps (recommended practice) just in front of the green wall of conifers. Now that the green wall is starting to catch up to the white foreground, the view is marvelous! In the fall, the leaves on the Birch turn bright yellow; this, along with the clumps of white trunks, plays wonderfully off of the dark green background.
