Pond Boss Forums INTRO Questions & Observations Humor from Zephyr Pond

Sitting here with a wind Chill at 2 degrees wishing for spring, I decided I needed some humor. Thought I would share it with my pond buddies. ENJOY!

COUNTRY WESTERN SONG TITLES
Do You Love as Good as You Look?
Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye
Her Teeth Were Stained, but Her Heart Was Pure
Here's a Quarter, Call Someone Who Cares
How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away?
I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life
I Don't Know Whether to Kill Myself or Go Bowling
I Fell in a Pile of You and Got Love All over Me
I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot about You
I Wanna Whip Your Cow
I Would Have Wrote You a Letter, but I Couldn't Spell Yuck!
I'd Rather Have a Bottle in Front of Me Than a Frontal Lobotomy
I'm Just a Bug on the Windshield of Life
I've Got the Hungries for Your Love and I'm Waiting in Your Welfare Line
If I Can't Be Number One in Your Life, Then Number Two on You
If Love Were Oil, I'd Be a Quart Low
If My Nose Were Full of Nickels, I'd Blow It All on You
If the Phone Don't Ring, Baby, You'll Know It's Me
If You Don't Leave Me Alone, I'll Go and Find Someone Else Who Will
If You Leave Me, Can I Come Too?
Mama Get the Hammer (There's a Fly on Papa's Head)
May the Bird of Paradise Fly up Your Nose
My Every Day Silver Is Plastic
My John Deere Was Breaking Your Field,
While Your Dear John Was Breaking My Heart
My Wife Ran Off with My Best Friend, and I Sure Do Miss Him
Oh, I've Got Hair Oil on My Ears and My Glasses Are Slipping Down, but
Baby I Can See Through You
Pardon Me, I've Got Someone To Kill
She Got the Gold Mine and I Got the Shaft;
She Got the Ring and I Got the Finger
She Made Toothpicks Out of the Timber of My Heart
She's Got Freckles on Her, but She's Pretty
Thank God and Greyhound She's Gone
They May Put Me In Prison, but They Can't Stop My Face from Breakin' Out
Velcro Arms, Teflon Heart
When You Leave Walk Out Backwards, So I'll Think You're Walking In
You Can't Roller Skate in a Buffalo Herd
You Done Tore Out My Heart and Stomped that Sucker Flat
You Were Only a Splinter in My Ass as I Slid Down the Bannister of Life
You're the reason our kids are so ugly

Good memories, Heybud. I've dipped a lotta Skoal to some of those.

Don't forget the classics:

"I Hate Every Bone in Your Body Except Mine"

or

"She Was as Pure as the Driven Snow, Until She Drifted"

I know, I know... BOOOOOOOOO! :rolleyes:

Make a country song about this!

"My Girlfriend has a Pony Tail, butt she's perty"

Headline:
"Mr Ed and Wilbur - Partying like the Hiltons"

I was drunk the day my horse got outta prison....
I went.. to pick her up at the local barrr.
Before I could get there.. in my pickup truck..
She got runned over by a damned ole carrr.

Eloquent prose burger! Priceless.

ROFLOL
You can sure tell its winter around here. Classic -- do I hear a nomination for the PB Funnies?

I just want to know if the horse survived.

I second the nomination!

BM, Steve Goodman is rotating at about 3000 rpm.

Yikes its true, Britney really does not wear underwear.

Gator

Does this mean we can expect another platinum cassette from Condello recording studios...heavily advertised on church signs across America?

burgermeister - I recommend keeping your day job, though as song lyrics go around here, it is a “classical gas”!

I just couldn't resist.....




I was drunkenly driving my Durango
When much to my surprise
A buck blew through the windshield
with a panicked look in his eyes.

I lifted his head off my lap
And exited the Durango door
I found a lot of damage
and guts all over the floor.

Thank you for that Dwight.

It was very nice especially as I was eating my meat-lover's pizza.

No need to ask if the buck survived.

I thought that it was kinda strange to have a pink and red airbag.

Did this really happen or is this some pic of the net? If so I think you are fortunate to be OK Dwight.

bz - I am older and unfortunately larger that the guy in the photo, but it did happen somewhere around the Minneapoli-St. Paul Metro area.

As I return to finish this post, I see Brettsi (master of the Internet Macabre) has provided a full report! :p

Sunil - Nothng like a good road kill-lover's pizza!

Dwight, I thought my song was kinda weak, too. The PB forum is sure a forgivin' bunch.
"Classical Gas"? You'll never get me to admit to remembering that one. :rolleyes:
As for you, Sunil, Mr. 'I got mine, I got mine'; you must take the good with the bad.

burgermeister at a much younger age!

Burger wrote: "Mr. 'I got mine, I got mine';"

That reminds of an old SNL from the early to mid '80s when they had that short white guy with glasses who used to do the play on words using flash cards.

He was doing a play on the word "orgasm."

The selfish orgasm was "I got mine, now you get your-gasm."

The multiple partner one was "four on the floor-gasm."

The boring one was a "bore-gasm."

He had also done a similar one with acne.