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#464251 - 02/17/17 07:11 AM Pocket Taser.
DonoBBD Online   happy


Registered: 06/13/12
Posts: 1560
Loc: Ontario, Canada, Eh.
Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife.
A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer.

The effects of the Tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety...??

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home... I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.

AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right?

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.

I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and then thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.

Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and Tazer in another.

The directions said that:

a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant;

a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; and

a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.

Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side so as to say, 'Don't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny lil ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it.

I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and...

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION. WHAT THE... !!!

I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs! The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

Note:
If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a Tazer, one note of caution:

There is NO such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor!
A three second burst would be considered conservative!

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.

My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.
The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was.
My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching..
My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.
I had no control over the drooling.
Apparently I had crapped in my shorts, but was too numb to know for sure, and my sense of smell was gone.
I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head, which I believe came from my hair.

I'm still looking for my testicles and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!

PS: My wife can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift and now regularly threatens me with it!

If you think education is difficult, try being stupid!!!!
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7/8th of an acre, Perch only pond, Ontario, Canada.

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#464254 - 02/17/17 07:43 AM Re: Pocket Taser. [Re: DonoBBD]
djstauder Offline
Hall of Fame

Junior Member

Registered: 03/31/07
Posts: 846
Loc: Mississippi
Dono... That is hilarious... you can't let go of the trigger while under the "zappers" power
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1 ac pond LMB, BG, RES, CC

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#464316 - 02/18/17 06:33 AM Re: Pocket Taser. [Re: DonoBBD]
TGW1 Offline


Registered: 09/19/14
Posts: 1584
Loc: Harrison Co. Texas
Dono, Thank you for a good laugh this morning smile I can see where some idiot guy might do something like this. Funny !!
_________________________
Do not judge me by the politicians in my City, State or Federal Government.
Thank The Good Lord the government in Washington DC gets little done.
Outlawing guns will make a lot of us down here in the South
Outlaws and proud of it

Tracy

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#464339 - 02/18/17 01:02 PM Re: Pocket Taser. [Re: DonoBBD]
Bocomo Offline


Registered: 05/06/12
Posts: 992
Loc: Boone County, MO (pond)
Dono, too funny. But I had to read it three times before I realized the guy in the story wasn't you!
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#464350 - 02/18/17 05:40 PM Re: Pocket Taser. [Re: DonoBBD]
Dave Davidson1 Offline
Moderator
Lunker

Registered: 01/04/06
Posts: 12618
Loc: Hurst & Bowie, Texas
I've been looking at tasers. Wondering about putting one at a deer(corn) feeder, with a trip wire, that the hogs get to before the deer show up. A video game cam ought to tell me what happens.


Edited by Dave Davidson1 (02/18/17 08:52 PM)
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It's not about the fish. It's about the pond. Take care of the pond and the fish will be fine. PB subscriber since before it was in color.

Without a sense of urgency, Nothing ever gets done.

Boy, if I say "sic em", you'd better look for something to bite. Sam Shelley Rancher and Farmer Muleshoe Texas 1892-1985 RIP

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#464354 - 02/18/17 06:11 PM Re: Pocket Taser. [Re: Dave Davidson1]
Bill D. Offline


Registered: 10/19/14
Posts: 4753
Loc: Boone County Illinois
Originally Posted By: Dave Davidson1
I've been looing at tasers. Wondering about putting one at a deer(corn) feeder, with a trip wire, that the hogs get to before the deer show up. ....


Cool idea Dave, or maybe to address your trespassing problem??

But......how ya gonna test it! grin

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#464374 - 02/18/17 08:55 PM Re: Pocket Taser. [Re: DonoBBD]
Dave Davidson1 Offline
Moderator
Lunker

Registered: 01/04/06
Posts: 12618
Loc: Hurst & Bowie, Texas
Don't know how to test it. Maybe just put it out and see what happens. Coons are also a problem but I'm not really mad at coons.
_________________________
It's not about the fish. It's about the pond. Take care of the pond and the fish will be fine. PB subscriber since before it was in color.

Without a sense of urgency, Nothing ever gets done.

Boy, if I say "sic em", you'd better look for something to bite. Sam Shelley Rancher and Farmer Muleshoe Texas 1892-1985 RIP

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#464391 - 02/19/17 06:25 AM Re: Pocket Taser. [Re: Dave Davidson1]
snrub Online   content


Registered: 10/05/13
Posts: 3506
Loc: SE Kansas
Heck Dave, highflyer down there there is always up for a good pond experiment. I bet you would only have to ask Brian and he would let you try it out on him. For the experimental and learning process of the whole PBF community. That or one of the many other Texas pondmeisters in your area.

Edit: be sure and provide video coverage of the experiment.

Heck, I would volunteer but am just too far away. And the checks in the mail! grin


Edited by snrub (02/19/17 06:51 AM)
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#464396 - 02/19/17 07:53 AM Re: Pocket Taser. [Re: DonoBBD]
Dave Davidson1 Offline
Moderator
Lunker

Registered: 01/04/06
Posts: 12618
Loc: Hurst & Bowie, Texas
Brian keeps pushing for more juice from his solar powered experiments. Sooner or later he just might burn most of East Texas on a Summer day.
_________________________
It's not about the fish. It's about the pond. Take care of the pond and the fish will be fine. PB subscriber since before it was in color.

Without a sense of urgency, Nothing ever gets done.

Boy, if I say "sic em", you'd better look for something to bite. Sam Shelley Rancher and Farmer Muleshoe Texas 1892-1985 RIP

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#464535 - 02/20/17 06:00 PM Re: Pocket Taser. [Re: Dave Davidson1]
DonoBBD Online   happy


Registered: 06/13/12
Posts: 1560
Loc: Ontario, Canada, Eh.
Originally Posted By: Dave Davidson1
Don't know how to test it. Maybe just put it out and see what happens. Coons are also a problem but I'm not really mad at coons.


Well the rotten coon around us seem to know just when the sweat corn is just ready. So we set up a electric fencer with a good ground every other wire about 3"s apart from the live wire.

Had the windows of the house open the first night and what a racket/show that went on for 10 minutes. It sounded like about five coon all trying out the fencer. I will set up a trail cam this year to capture the show.

Cheers Don.
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7/8th of an acre, Perch only pond, Ontario, Canada.

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#464563 - 02/20/17 08:55 PM Re: Pocket Taser. [Re: DonoBBD]
snrub Online   content


Registered: 10/05/13
Posts: 3506
Loc: SE Kansas
We use a two wire electric fence to keep varmets out of the garden and fruit trees. One wire about 7-8" high for coons and one about 3' for the deer. Does the trick.
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snrub

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#464564 - 02/20/17 09:21 PM Re: Pocket Taser. [Re: DonoBBD]
highflyer Offline


Registered: 07/09/11
Posts: 1649
Loc: East Texas
John, John, John,

No chance.


And I do retaliate. Some say I over do it.... But I do like more power!
_________________________
Brian

The one thing is the one thing
A dry fly catches no fish
Try not to be THAT 10%

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