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c'mon Todd....the guy's a bean counter

I've never figured out the value of hiring a bean counter. I've already got a reliable count.

I think this post just might be more at home in Theater of the Absurd!

Bean counters work well with the IRS. That can be a good thing so you don't have to call Todd or me.

Bean counter, boy that's strange. I prefer a nice solid marble, or even formica, but never bean!!!

That's because you naively believe that you just count the beans and you are just done. You obviously don't have a clue as to how beans must be counted.

Here's an example of how the internal revenue code works:

Step 1: Count your beans. Write than number on line 1 of form 1040BN

Step 2: Segregate the beans into three distinct populations.

A. Population number one is for beans that are grown primarily for oil extraction and should include soybeans and peanuts. Write this number on Form 1040BN line 2.

B. Population number two is for beans that are grown primarily for food purposes such as snap peas and snow peas. If you have any beans in this population then you must complete Schedule FB as follows: Write this number of "food beans" on Schedule FB line 1. Write the number of these beans that were grown east of the Rockies on Schedule FB line 2. Multiple this number times .08 and write that number line 3. Count the number of these beans that were grown north of the Mason-Dixon line on line 4. Multiply the the number on line 4 times .675. If that number is less than 18,791,365 then write that number on line 5. Subtract line 5 from line 1, divide by 2, subtract 50,000 and write that number on line 6. If the number on line 6 is more than 7,500,000 stop here and complete form 8791ABN to compute your alternative bean count. You have grown too many beans and therefor we are going to take more of your beans than you though was possible. If the amount on line 6 is less than 7,500,000 then transfer this number to Form 1040BN line 3.

C. Population number three must include seeds that you think are beans but are not. This pile must include coffee beans, castor beans and cocoa beans and vanilla beans. Were any of the beans in this pile used in the production or consumption of coffee including black coffee, coffee with cocoa flavoring or coffee with vanilla flavoring? If yes then you must complete Form 4958JOE. Note if any sugar or artificial sweetener was added to the coffee prior to consumption then you must also complete form 2143SWT. If added milk or creme to your coffee then you must also complete form 5571MOO.

Step 3: did you sell for consumption any peanuts that are included in the count on line 2? If yes were they sold for the making of PB&J sandwiches? If yes, refer to publication 42 "The Tax effect of PB&J Sandwich Production." You will need to be able to determine how many of these sandwiches were consumed with the crust on versus consumption with the crust removed. Also you will need to know if either Smuckers or Welches jams or jellies were used in the PB&J production. Finally were these sandwiches cut on the diagonal or on the horizontal? If any of the sandwiches were cut on the diagonal and Smuckers grape jelly was used in the production then you may be eligible for an additional bean credit. Refer to chapter 41, page 784, paragraph 5 in Publication 89 for further details.

Step 4: were any of these beans used in the production of gas? If yes then you must complete form 6378TOOT.

So you see, you need a bean counter or you are probably sending in way, way too many beans.

5571MOO? Thank you, JHAP - wonderful.

Everyone outside my office is wondering why I'm busting a gut right now.

JHAP in CA I think step 4 also has to meet CARB (California Air Resources Board) compliance. I was under the impression that can only be done now in CA with the use of a Exhaust fluid catalyst and air fairings. Toilet Paper also must meet low rolling resistance standards as of Jan. 2013. If it is not Smart-way certified it is not permitted in CA.

Ah Tums, I see that you are familiar with some of our onerous regulations. The CARB regulations wreak havoc with construction industry.

Jeez and don't get me started on the endagered species laws in CA. One of my construction clients began a project that happen to fall with the Quino Checkerspot Butterfly habitat zone. If this butterfly is actually found on the property then for ever one acre of "Quino Habitat" impacted then four acres of property must be conserved as a mitigation requirement. As of this writing there are biologists checking every bush and shrub on the property to determine if there are any of these endangered butterflies there - and no I'm not kidding.

Makes you wonder how any construction gets done in California

Jeez, some people will complian about anything.

I'd rather have chromium [III] mercurocyanoflourocarbons in my water, fracking in my backyard, and coral mouthed rattlemoccasins in my woodpile than green sunfish in my pond.........and not one regulation against them anywhere in the state.

HMMMMM.......

Just came across this.....

[AP]-In an abrupt turn, Senator Dianne Feinstein today tabled her recently introduced legislation banning the production and sale of certain types of assault weapons and high capacity magazines. Feinstin has been called home to California by Governor Jerry Brown to personally manage what is being called the greatest threat to Californians way of life since the discovery of paraquat contaminated marijuna. "I don't know how it could have come to this", a grim Feinstein stated to reporters, "We've been so careful, so vigilent....and to think, the threat has been here under our noses the whole time".

Feinstein was referring to recent reports from Nashville TN in which the Green Sunfish, Lepomis cyanellus, has been discovered to be the most effective, voracious predator of the endangered Quino Checkerspot Butterfly.

Initial reports have Feinstein attempting to mobilize the California National Guard to meet this scourge, but later information has the Senator demanding that Airforce KC-135 tankers currently assisting in the refueling of French fighter bombers return home immediately to begin retrofitting for rotenone spraying.

To an irate French Ambassador, Feinstein was heard pleading "But don't you understand? These are BUTTERFLIES we're talking aboout! What's California without BUTTERFLIES?"

These reports are falsehoods supported by lies and negligent fact checking.

At best the GSF is only forth or fifth on the voracious predator list.

At least until we can re-engineer GSF to have wings and legs, which at present we are not working on as far as you know.

It is true however that California would be nothing without butterflies.