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Joined: Dec 2010
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Joined: Dec 2010
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kittens actually make pretty good musky bait when you can find them cruzing the shallows. Thats uh what i heard anyway......
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Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 28,541 Likes: 845
Moderator Ambassador Field Correspondent Lunker
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Moderator Ambassador Field Correspondent Lunker
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Posts: 28,541 Likes: 845 |
kittens actually make pretty good musky bait when you can find them cruzing the shallows. Thats uh what i heard anyway...... That's one bait that gives a LOT of action once it hits the water.
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Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 3,135
Ambassador Lunker
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Ambassador Lunker
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Hall of Fame 2015 Lunker
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Hall of Fame 2015 Lunker
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The following is an actual exchange of correspondence between a customer and the Irish Railway Company - Larnrod Eireann.
Gentlemen, I have been riding your trains daily for the last two years, and the service on your line seems to be getting worse every day. I am tired of standing in the aisle all the time on a 14-mile trip. I think the transportation system is worse than that enjoyed by people 2,000 years ago. Yours truly, Patrick Finnegan
-------------------------------- Dear Mr. Finnegan, We received your letter with reference to the shortcomings of our service and believe you are somewhat confused in your history. The only mode of transportation 2,000 years ago was by foot. Sincerely, Larnrod Eireann.
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Gentlemen, I am in receipt of your letter, and I think you are the ones who are confused in your history. If you will refer to the Bible and the Book of Numbers, 22nd Chapter, you will find that Balaam rode to town on his ass.
That.... gentlemen, is something I have not been able to do on your train in the last two years! Yours truly, Patrick Finnegan.
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Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 6,692
Hall of Fame 2015 Lunker
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Hall of Fame 2015 Lunker
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Posts: 6,692 |
98 and no enemies
All golfers should live so long as to be this kind of old man!
Toward the end of the Sunday service, the Minister asked, "How many of you have forgiven your enemies?" 80% held up their hands.
The Minister then repeated his question and All responded this time, except one man, an avid golfer named Walter Barnes, who attended church only when the weather was bad.
"Mr. Barnes, it's obviously not a good morning for golf. It's good to see you here today. Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?" "I don't have any," he replied gruffly.
"Mr. Barnes, that is very unusual. How old are you?" "Ninety-eight," he replied. The congregation stood up and clapped their hands. "Oh, Mr. Barnes, would you please come down in front & tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years & not have an enemy in the world?" The old golfer tottered down the aisle, stopped in front of the pulpit, turned around, faced the congregation, and simply said,
"I outlived all the sons of bitches."
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Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 10,458 Likes: 2
Ambassador Field Correspondent Hall of Fame Lunker
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Ambassador Field Correspondent Hall of Fame Lunker
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So after turkey hunting this morning, I stopped into the sporting goods store by my dad's house and saw the sign, "More crabs, less effort".
Thankfully it was referring to a crab trap and not the red light district.
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 13,751 Likes: 295
Moderator Ambassador Field Correspondent Hall of Fame 2014 Lunker
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Moderator Ambassador Field Correspondent Hall of Fame 2014 Lunker
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 13,751 Likes: 295 |
My old band used to play in a bar that had a sign over the men's urinal....."We aim to please. You aim, too, please."
Excerpt from Robert Crais' "The Monkey's Raincoat:" "She took another microscopic bite of her sandwich, then pushed it away. Maybe she absorbed nutrients from her surroundings."
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Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 4,795 Likes: 14
Moderator Ambassador Field Correspondent Lunker
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Moderator Ambassador Field Correspondent Lunker
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 4,795 Likes: 14 |
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Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 6,692
Hall of Fame 2015 Lunker
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Hall of Fame 2015 Lunker
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 6,692 |
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Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 28,541 Likes: 845
Moderator Ambassador Field Correspondent Lunker
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Moderator Ambassador Field Correspondent Lunker
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Posts: 28,541 Likes: 845 |
Here, let me help you with your coat.
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Joined: Jan 2009
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Ambassador Field Correspondent Hall of Fame Lunker
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Ambassador Field Correspondent Hall of Fame Lunker
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I think rabbits have to be some of the easy game animals to skin... Especially when they are still warm.
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Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 529
Fingerling
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Fingerling
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 529 |
My old band used to play in a bar that had a sign over the men's urinal....."We aim to please. You aim, too, please." I saw one that said, "in case of nuclear attack, stand in the urinal, no one has hit it yet."
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Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 705
Lunker
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Lunker
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 705 |
Heard this one at work: Could you imagine having 3 wifes, living in a compound and not leaving for 5 years...
I think Bin Laden called the Navy SEALs himself.
Last edited by RobA; 06/12/11 07:17 PM.
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Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 529
Fingerling
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Fingerling
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 529 |
Heard this one at work: Could you imagine having 3 wifes, living in a compound and not leaving for 5 years...
I think Bin Laden called the Navy SEALs himself. Funny! I am guessing a hash pipe was in the house.
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Posts: 3,135
Ambassador Lunker
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Ambassador Lunker
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Joined: Dec 2009
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Hall of Fame 2015 Lunker
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Hall of Fame 2015 Lunker
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Posts: 6,692 |
THE BUTTOCKS
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny. So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin. However, the only skin on her body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from her buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and they requested that the doctor also honor their secret.
After all, this was a very delicate matter. After the surgery was completed, everone was astounded at the man's new face.
He looked more handsome than he ever had before! All his friends and relatives just went on and on about his youthful beauty!!
He said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?"
My darling," she replied, I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek!!!"
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Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 8,854 Likes: 1
Moderator Ambassador Field Correspondent Lunker
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OP
Moderator Ambassador Field Correspondent Lunker
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Posts: 8,854 Likes: 1 |
Holding a redear sunfish is like running with scissors.
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Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 3,261
Ambassador Lunker
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Ambassador Lunker
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Posts: 3,261 |
A pirate walked into a bar, and the bartender said, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible."
"What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine."
"What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before."
"Well," said the pirate, "We were in a battle, and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now."
The bartender replied, "Well, OK, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?"
The pirate explained, "We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook but I'm fine, really."
"What about that eye patch?"
"Oh," said the pirate, "One day we were at sea, and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up, and one of them pooped in my eye."
"You're kidding," said the bartender. "You couldn't lose an eye just from bird poop."
"It was my first day with the hook."
Last edited by dave in el dorado ca; 09/08/11 05:16 PM.
GSF are people too!
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Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 10,458 Likes: 2
Ambassador Field Correspondent Hall of Fame Lunker
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Ambassador Field Correspondent Hall of Fame Lunker
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Posts: 10,458 Likes: 2 |
Well, with all the rain we got last week we had a number of bridges wash out around where I work. They have been working on repairing them but while they're doing that they try to make it as clear as possible that the road is closed... Last night at work, I found out the road was closed for another reason...
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,980 Likes: 15
Ambassador Lunker
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Ambassador Lunker
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That would cause me to turn around!
"Forget pounds and ounces, I'm figuring displacement!"
If we accept that: MBG(+)FGSF(=)HBG(F1) And we surmise that: BG(>)HBG(F1) while GSF(<)HBG(F1) Would it hold true that: HBG(F1)(+)AM500(x)q.d.(=)1.5lbGRWT? PB answer: It depends.
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Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 8,854 Likes: 1
Moderator Ambassador Field Correspondent Lunker
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OP
Moderator Ambassador Field Correspondent Lunker
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Posts: 8,854 Likes: 1 |
Hilarious...and probably true.
Holding a redear sunfish is like running with scissors.
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Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 6,692
Hall of Fame 2015 Lunker
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Hall of Fame 2015 Lunker
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 6,692 |
Da End Iss Near Ole is the pastor of the local Norwegian Lutheran Church and Pastor Sven is the minister of the Swedish Covenant Church across the road. One day they are seen pounding a sign into the ground, which said:
DA END ISS NEAR! TURN YERSELF AROUNT NOW BAFOR IT ISS TOO LATE!
As a car speeds past them, the driver leans out his window and yells, "Leave people alone, you Skandihoovian religious nuts!"
From the curve they heard screeching tires and a big splash.
Shakin' his head, Rev. Ole says "Dat's da terd one dis mornin'." "Yaa," Pastor Sven agrees, then asks, "Do ya tink maybe da sign should yust say, 'Bridge Out?'"
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Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 3,261
Ambassador Lunker
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Ambassador Lunker
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Posts: 3,261 |
evolution
GSF are people too!
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Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 6,692
Hall of Fame 2015 Lunker
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Hall of Fame 2015 Lunker
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 6,692 |
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Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 6,692
Hall of Fame 2015 Lunker
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Hall of Fame 2015 Lunker
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 6,692 |
This one made me think of B'ski.
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