Pond Boss Forums STOCKING A NEW POND Types of fish to choose Theatre of the absurd...

LOUISIANA GHOST STORY
(This happened about a month ago just outside a little town in the bayou country of Louisiana , and while it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it's real.)

This guy was on the side of the road hitchhiking on a real dark night in the middle of a thunder storm. Time passed slowly and no cars went by.

It was raining so hard he could hardly see his hand in front of his face.

Suddenly he saw a car moving slowly approaching and appearing ghostlike in the rain. It slowly crept toward him and stopped. Wanting a ride real bad the guy jumped in the car and closed the door -- only then did he realize that there was nobody behind the wheel.

The car slowly started moving and the guy was terrified, too scared to think of jumping out and running. The guy saw that the car was slowly approaching a sharp curve, still too scared to jump out, he started to pray and begging for his life; he was sure the ghost car would go off the road and in the bayou and he would surely drown, when just before the curve, a hand appeared thru the driver's window and turned the steering wheel, guiding the car safely around the bend.
Paralyzed with fear, the guy watched the hand reappear every time they reached a curve. Finally the guy scared to near death had all he could take and jumped out of the car and ran to town.

Wet and in shock, he went into a bar and voice quavering, ordered two shots of whiskey, then told everybody about his supernatural experience. A silence enveloped and everybody got goose bumps when they realized the guy was telling the truth and not just some drunk.

About half an hour later two guys walked into the bar and one says to the other, "Look Boudreaux, ders dat idiot that rode in our car when we was pushin it in the rain."

The 3 AM disturbance
A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the
door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger,
standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00am in the morning!" He
slams the door and returns to bed.

"Who was that?" asked his wife. "Just some drunk guy asking for a
push," he answers. "Did you help him?" she asks. "No, I did not, it is
3:00am in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!"

"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember
about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us?
I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!"

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding
rain. He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?" "Yes,"
comes back the answer. "Do you still need a push?" calls out the
husband.

"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark. "Where are you?" asks the
husband.

"Over here on the swing," replied the drunk.

Blind Bass Pro Shop Salesperson

A woman goes into Bass Pro Shop to buy a rod and reel for her
grandson's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter.

A Bass Pro Shop associate is standing there wearing dark shades. She says, 'Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?'

He says, 'Ma'am, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on
the counter, I can tell you everything from the sound it makes.'

She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.

He says, 'That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-LB. test line. It's a good all around combination and it's on sale this week for only $20.00.

She says, 'It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!' As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.

'Oh, that sounds like a Master Card,' he says.

She bends down to pick it up and accidentally farts. At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the blind clerk could tell it was she who tooted. Being blind, he wouldn't know that she was the only person around.

The man rings up the sale and says, 'That'll be $34.50 please.'

The woman is totally confused by this and asks, 'Didn't you tell me the rod and reel were on sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?'

He replies, 'Yes, Ma'am. The rod and reel is $20.00, but the Duck Call is $11.00 and the Bear Repellent is $3.50.

Elderly woman bites off Husband's tongue during "Good Night" kiss!

I'm not sure which is funnier....the story or the comments....

Could they be related to anyone from Wisconsin???

Good one, Theo...I never could understand why all those commercials had the individual bathtubs. Kind of counter-productive...

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All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

Makes Jack a dull boy.

Makes Jack a dull boy.

Alaskan Tale (where life is tough & humor is dark)

The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, an Anchorage man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers. "We're sorry Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife," said one trooper "Tell me! Did you find her?" Wilkens shouted. The troopers looked at each other. One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?" Fearing the worst, an ashen Mr. Wilkens said, "Give me the bad news first." The trooper said, “I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in Kachemak Bay." "Oh my God!" exclaimed Wilkens.

Swallowing hard, he asked, “What's the good news?" The trooper continued, "When we pulled her up, she had 12 twenty-five pound king crabs and 6 good-size Dungeness crabs clinging to her, and we feel you’re entitled to a share of the catch."

Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded, "If that's the good news, what's the great news?" The trooper said, "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow."

Nice!

Brutality rising.

How to change a dishwasher into a snow blower:

Hand her a shovel!

Stand out of arms reach if you tell that joke to a lady.

The image is less threatening to the female. Remember that they're assuming both partners have to be on board to have a long term customer.

OK...I got that one!

Just so it's not a longer term than 3 hours, or medical attention may need to be sought.

kittens actually make pretty good musky bait when you can find them cruzing the shallows. Thats uh what i heard anyway......