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#111938 - 03/18/08 11:00 PM Re: My stupidest stunt [Re: Shorty]
Rainman Offline
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Registered: 06/06/07
Posts: 7015
Loc: St Louis, MO area
The most idiotic thing I ever did was at 17 when youngsters drinking and minding their own business was still Ok, I thought it would be cool to waste my old dirt bike. Being a young redneck I hopped on the old 350cc yamaha and shouted those words Foxworthy made famous, "Yall ain't gonna believe this $hit"! I then proceded to redline the engine in 5th gear at a top speed of 70mph as I shot down a public boat ramp into the Lamine river in central Missouri. I thank God that I had decided to add extra flair to the stunt by standing on the seat for a classy entrance into the water, because the front foks on that bike folded up like noodles and I skipped like a rock for a good 100 yards out into that river before sinking. (Like a rock). The original plan was to hydroplane as far as I could, on the bike, not my butt!

Even though I was at that time a lifeguard and a competition platform diver, I had NO IDEA water was so frikin' hard when hit at that speed. It all worked out pretty good though, one girl thought it was cool and I lost my drunken innocence that night.
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#173775 - 07/14/09 04:50 PM Re: My stupidest stunt [Re: Rainman]
maashkinoozhe Offline
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Registered: 01/06/09
Posts: 116
Loc: Winnipeg, MB
I recently turned on the element to medium (just enough to get real hot and not turn red) and put a pot of soup on. Ten minutes later the soup isn't even warm, how the heck can this be? Did I turn on the wrong element?
Anyone want to guess how I tested my theory? Yep kinda hard to come up with a decent cover story when there's a perfect spiral seared into the palm of your hand...
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#173778 - 07/14/09 05:17 PM Re: My stupidest stunt [Re: Rainman]
Brettski Offline
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Registered: 10/07/05
Posts: 6922
Loc: Illinois
 Originally Posted By: Rainman
...one girl thought it was cool and I lost my drunken innocence that night.

Please tell me it wasn't Fuki Plum...
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#173818 - 07/15/09 12:10 AM Re: My stupidest stunt [Re: Brettski]
esshup Offline
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Registered: 01/26/09
Posts: 24032
Loc: Grovertown, Indiana
Rex:

I know what you mean about hard water. When I learned to barefoot, a neighbor was kind enough to offer his boat and drive for me. As soon as I stepped off the ski I did a face plant and saw stars. It turns out that the speedo picked up some weeds and didn't work, and his tach wasn't working either. He thought too fast was better than too slow, and he "thought" he might have been going around 45 mph. After a short breather I did learn to barefoot that day, albet at a slightly slower speed. I did a radar'ed 68 mph on a slalom ski once and really, really didn't want to fall at that speed! Just the spray from the boat hurts going that fast.
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#173835 - 07/15/09 09:36 AM Re: My stupidest stunt [Re: esshup]
davatsa Offline
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Registered: 04/14/03
Posts: 1256
Loc: San Antonio, TX
This isn't as much a stupid stunt as it is a story similar to Eric's duck hunting tale.

My cousin was an offensive lineman at the time (6'4", 310). I'm 6'2" and probably weighed 245.

We were deer hunting down near Poth (dad's place). I took a doe right before dark. I field dressed her, loaded her, and was prepared to take off for San Antonio. Although this wasn't my first hunting rodeo and I could probably do it by feel, it's easy to get a little messy field dressing a deer in low light.

It turns out I was covered from the thighs down in deer blood with no change of clothes. No biggie--just let it dry and then we'll leave. As we get through downtown SA, I forgot to slow down from 70 to 60. Sure enough, the lights come on behind me.

It wasn't until this point I realized the seriousness of the situation. Here are two large men, speeding with guns in tow, and one is covered in blood. I couldn't see the officer's face when he walked up (because of the flashlight shining in the truck), but I have a pretty good idea of what it looked like.

There was a long pause, followed by "Uhh...I hope you were hunting."
"Yes sir, we were. There is a doe in the back of the truck if you'd like to verify." [You know you're a redneck when you've said that or something similar to a LEO].
"Are there any guns in the truck?"
"Yes sir." {Although I was really thinking, "No, genius, I chased it down, tackled it, and it just decided to give up."}
"Are they loaded?"
"No sir, not anymore. You can check if you'd like."

After more dialogue and some waiting, he walks back to the truck and asks me if I will speed anymore. No sir!! He then looks at my cousin, tells him to not let me field dress any more deer because I'm messy, and sends us on our way without so much as a warning.

I suppose he figured that two young guys could be up to a lot worse on a Friday night than deer hunting. We weren't drinking, of course, so that probably helped a little. \:\)
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"Only after sorrow's hand has bowed your head will life become truly real to you; then you will acquire the noble spirituality which intensifies the reality of life. I go to an all-powerful God. Beyond that I have no knowledge--no fear--only faith."

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#173853 - 07/15/09 12:32 PM Re: My stupidest stunt [Re: davatsa]
TOM G Offline
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Registered: 12/28/06
Posts: 2086
Loc: Dawson Tx
I just reread this whole thread,and Im glad it got brought up again.And no,Id have to write my whole lifes story.
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#173854 - 07/15/09 12:35 PM Re: My stupidest stunt [Re: davatsa]
Bruce Condello Offline
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Registered: 08/01/04
Posts: 8854
Loc: United States
 Originally Posted By: davatsa
... "No, genius, I chased it down, tackled it, and it just decided to give up."


My best laugh of the week so far. \:\)


Edited by Bruce Condello (07/15/09 12:36 PM)
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#173958 - 07/15/09 10:08 PM Re: My stupidest stunt [Re: Bruce Condello]
gallop Offline
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Registered: 02/06/09
Posts: 396
Loc: Gainesville, Fl
Please feel free to laugh hysterically at this. In the end ;\) all turned out well.

Several years ago, on a early September day, I was cutting some shooting lanes on land that my hunt club was leasing. I had come prepared and carried a folding ladder and my machette about a mile back in the woods.(Isn't this how all good stories start) I was cutting some thick saplings/tree branches around the stand and was on and off the ladder. As I finished the last of my foliage wacking with the machette, I for some reason decided to hop backwards off the ladder, instead of stepping down each step individually.(Please note error in judgement occurred here)

Unfortunately, In the path of my descent was a freshly sliced green limb (cut to a nice point I may add, and at just the right angle) to puncture through my shorts and significanlty into my inner left cheek. (Hold the banjo music, it wasn't that inner, but yes it was that cheek) At first I didnt't realize what had happened, this was most likely due to my lack of consciousness as I somehow passed out and fell off the stick simultaneously. Upon waking I soon discovered I had some issues.

I had a wound that was bleeding significantly enough that when I came to, my entire leg was covered in blood. Being in the medical field I was aware that this was not optimal, I had learned blood was much more useful when kept inside your body. I was a mile back in the woods, and many more miles than that from cell phone service.

At this point I knew I had to stop the bleeding first. I removed my shirt and the only thing I could think of to do was to make some type of tourniquet around my leg and my rear to apply pressure to the area. I encourage those of you with some time on your hands to try to tourniquet your rear end with a t-shirt, and make sure you can walk, it really just can't be done without looking like a fool. Please don't let your wives see you do this, but it makes a great party game/ icebreaker. Maybe a fun drinking game at the net PB conference.

Anywho, so I wander out of the woods shirtless, bleeding and my
a## in a sling (couldn't resist)(banjo music would be appropriate now)

Finally get to the truck, drive a bit and get cell service. Call my wife to meet me at the house on the way to the hospital because I was feeling dizzy, and wasn't sure I could make it driving myself.

My wife arrives home to a trail of footprints from my truck to the house and inside. She quickly inspects things (she's medical too) and says I need to get my a## to the ER (will the jokes never END, get it END).

Now here is where it gets weird, I knew nearly everyone in the hospital, do I really want to go where I work and be admitted for having a stick in my a##? In the end that's what happened, I called ahead, they cleared out an ER room for me, and I met many many people that evening in the face down rear up position. This really did take the pressure off remembering names and faces. I became more intimately familiar with my surgeon than I wanted to be, and of course was told by all the hilarious ER staff every rear end joke they could think of. Because of the depth of the puncture, I was scheduled for exploratory surgery, but that turned out to be unnecessary, and all the important parts are healed and functioning 100%

My wife still thinks I should have had the surgery, because she still thinks I have a stick ..... well you know.

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#173965 - 07/15/09 11:33 PM Re: My stupidest stunt [Re: gallop]
davatsa Offline
Lunker

Registered: 04/14/03
Posts: 1256
Loc: San Antonio, TX
Would you get the the POINT so it can come to an END?




Just kidding...Great story, gallop!! I'm glad that others are as easily amused with their own antics as I am with mine.


_________________________
"Only after sorrow's hand has bowed your head will life become truly real to you; then you will acquire the noble spirituality which intensifies the reality of life. I go to an all-powerful God. Beyond that I have no knowledge--no fear--only faith."

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#173976 - 07/16/09 06:26 AM Re: My stupidest stunt [Re: davatsa]
Dave Davidson1 Offline
Moderator
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Registered: 01/04/06
Posts: 13734
Loc: Hurst & Bowie, Texas
Yep, that's a good'un.

I figure my stupidest stunt hasn't happened yet.
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Without a sense of urgency, Nothing ever gets done.

Boy, if I say "sic em", you'd better look for something to bite. Sam Shelley Rancher and Farmer Muleshoe Texas 1892-1985 RIP

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#173981 - 07/16/09 06:56 AM Re: My stupidest stunt [Re: Dave Davidson1]
TOM G Offline
Lunker

Registered: 12/28/06
Posts: 2086
Loc: Dawson Tx
I'm with ya Dave,so much time,so many mistakes...
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#174068 - 07/16/09 02:34 PM Re: My stupidest stunt [Re: TOM G]
BrianH Offline
Lunker

Registered: 06/25/02
Posts: 417
Loc: Hico, TX
Stupid runs in my family.
My dad was watching the cutter while turning on a tractor. He drove up on something and turned the tractor onto its side. Luckily he wasn't hurt. We went and set it upright. My brother went the next day to put it back together and as he was putting a weight back on ( the weight being an 80 pound bar that lays in a piece of channel iron), he dropped the weight on his penis. Then his fat fingers were too big to pick it back up.He said he panicked a little and noticed the only tool he didn't put up was a screwdriver looking pry bar. He had to unzip his pants to be able to reach the pry bar and free himself. He said there was lots of blood but nothing too bad so he didn't go the the ER. The next morning was quite painful but everything healed up pretty good. I ask him sometines how his little guy is doing.

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#174070 - 07/16/09 03:02 PM Re: My stupidest stunt [Re: BrianH]
Bruce Condello Offline
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Registered: 08/01/04
Posts: 8854
Loc: United States
 Originally Posted By: BrianH
Stupid runs in my family.
My dad was watching the cutter while turning on a tractor. He drove up on something and turned the tractor onto its side. Luckily he wasn't hurt. We went and set it upright. My brother went the next day to put it back together and as he was putting a weight back on ( the weight being an 80 pound bar that lays in a piece of channel iron), he dropped the weight on his penis. Then his fat fingers were too big to pick it back up.He said he panicked a little and noticed the only tool he didn't put up was a screwdriver looking pry bar. He had to unzip his pants to be able to reach the pry bar and free himself. He said there was lots of blood but nothing too bad so he didn't go the the ER. The next morning was quite painful but everything healed up pretty good. I ask him sometines how his little guy is doing.


LMAO! \:\) \:\) \:\) \:\)
_________________________
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#174071 - 07/16/09 03:02 PM Re: My stupidest stunt [Re: Dave Davidson1]
Bruce Condello Offline
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Registered: 08/01/04
Posts: 8854
Loc: United States
 Originally Posted By: Dave Davidson1
...
I figure my stupidest stunt hasn't happened yet.

_________________________
Holding a redear sunfish is like running with scissors.

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#174075 - 07/16/09 03:09 PM Re: My stupidest stunt [Re: Bruce Condello]
Sunil Offline
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Lunker

Registered: 09/03/03
Posts: 11590
Loc: Somerset, PA
BrianH's story is hard to imagine as to how it went down. But, any further information would just be too painful to hear.
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Excerpt from Robert Crais' "The Monkey's Raincoat:"
"She took another microscopic bite of her sandwich, then pushed it away. Maybe she absorbed nutrients from her surroundings."


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#174090 - 07/16/09 04:11 PM Re: My stupidest stunt [Re: Sunil]
Theo Gallus Offline
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Lunker

Registered: 05/14/04
Posts: 12414
Loc: Central Ohio
Agreed. WAY to close to TMI.
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#174124 - 07/16/09 05:55 PM Re: My stupidest stunt [Re: Theo Gallus]
Phatboy Offline
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Registered: 06/24/09
Posts: 41
Loc: Sportsmans Paradise
I dont have too many funny ones, but I have a seriuosly stupid one for ya. When I was in the military a friend of mine was going on a 1.5 month training exercise, and asked me to keep his Honda 929RR...just like the one in this link:

http://www.totalmotorcycle.com/photos/2000models/2000-Honda-CBR929RRa.jpg

Now I had ridden before, and after a few days tooling around on this particular bike, I had a pretty good feel for it. Ya...enter stupidity here...

I decided it would be a good idea to see what it really had. "It had A LOT!!!" I found a bridge with only two lanes, no turn arounds, and a hill at either end. It was about dusk, right at that point where the headlights really dont help much, but you cant quite see good either.

Topped the first hill shifted down and nailed it. The front wheel hopped up a couple feet, and we were off. Shift into 6th, and put the hammer down. It wasnt long before the engine was pinging off the rev limiter, and I was 1/2 way across the 2 mile bridge. I glance down at the speedo, and I was going 173mph, gues what I saw when I looked up...BRAKE LIGHTS...

In between the time Id crossed the bridge and turned around a car had stalled on the bridge. As fast as I could I leaned left hard(you dont steer at 173mph), then leaned hard right, just about the same time I passed the car somewhere around 150mph. I got to the top of the hill, stopped smoked half a pack of cigerettes trying to calm down enough to ride home. Did so, parked the bike, nd Ive never been on a rocket since.

I ride a cruizer now with 41 horsepower. LOL. Chalk that one up to stupidity.

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#174145 - 07/16/09 08:49 PM Re: My stupidest stunt [Re: Phatboy]
Rainman Offline
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Registered: 06/06/07
Posts: 7015
Loc: St Louis, MO area
You have not lived until you've experianced high-speed-wobble at 150+ on a bike. First time causes cartridge loading on full auto!!
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www.TilapiaStockers.com


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#174194 - 07/17/09 05:18 AM Re: My stupidest stunt [Re: Rainman]
TOM G Offline
Lunker

Registered: 12/28/06
Posts: 2086
Loc: Dawson Tx
Can you say "pucker effect"?
_________________________
I subscribe
Some days you get the dog,and some days he gets you.Every dog has his day,and sometimes he has two!


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#174198 - 07/17/09 07:36 AM Re: My stupidest stunt [Re: Phatboy]
Bruce Condello Offline
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Field Correspondent

Lunker

Registered: 08/01/04
Posts: 8854
Loc: United States
 Originally Posted By: Phatboy
I dont have too many funny ones, but I have a seriuosly stupid one for ya. When I was in the military a friend of mine was going on a 1.5 month training exercise, and asked me to keep his Honda 929RR...just like the one in this link:

http://www.totalmotorcycle.com/photos/2000models/2000-Honda-CBR929RRa.jpg

Now I had ridden before, and after a few days tooling around on this particular bike, I had a pretty good feel for it. Ya...enter stupidity here...

I decided it would be a good idea to see what it really had. "It had A LOT!!!" I found a bridge with only two lanes, no turn arounds, and a hill at either end. It was about dusk, right at that point where the headlights really dont help much, but you cant quite see good either.

Topped the first hill shifted down and nailed it. The front wheel hopped up a couple feet, and we were off. Shift into 6th, and put the hammer down. It wasnt long before the engine was pinging off the rev limiter, and I was 1/2 way across the 2 mile bridge. I glance down at the speedo, and I was going 173mph, gues what I saw when I looked up...BRAKE LIGHTS...

In between the time Id crossed the bridge and turned around a car had stalled on the bridge. As fast as I could I leaned left hard(you dont steer at 173mph), then leaned hard right, just about the same time I passed the car somewhere around 150mph. I got to the top of the hill, stopped smoked half a pack of cigerettes trying to calm down enough to ride home. Did so, parked the bike, nd Ive never been on a rocket since.

I ride a cruizer now with 41 horsepower. LOL. Chalk that one up to stupidity.


The only word that comes to mind is "chilling".
_________________________
Holding a redear sunfish is like running with scissors.

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#174354 - 07/17/09 09:40 PM Re: My stupidest stunt [Re: Bruce Condello]
Phatboy Offline
Lunker

Registered: 06/24/09
Posts: 41
Loc: Sportsmans Paradise
It was quite an experience. I dont care for tank slap rainman.

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