Pond Boss Forums STOCKING A NEW POND Types of fish to choose Theatre of the absurd...

Bird attacks dog.




Bucket of chicken scores touchdown while Phil Fulmer chases in vain.



GI's shoot massive squirrel.



Cecil raises this crazy thing.



All equally common.

A lonely, forlorn, evil Dr Frankenbruce skulks and schemes in anger deep in the bowels of his hidden laboratory. It has been too long...far too long, indeed. A mate must be created to satiate his fishexual needs and desires. A creature of exquisite beauty, capable of gracing the cover of Fishbuoy, yet still be able to gobble down mosquitoe larvae and worms with class and dignity. And yes, oh yes...she must bear the cranial amplitude of the most evil of my fish creations...the Angry RES! This shall be the greatest of all the Frankenbruce creations. This will put my practice on the map! Let the experiment begin by adding the meanest of all the brood...my favorite...the thumb-eater:

-
-
-
...and carefully meld the genetics of the most beautiful woman in the world; my beloved co-star:

-
-
-
-
...lightning crashes and booms. On the other side of town, Shorty closes the window and mutters "he's at it again". A huge explosion eminates from deep below the earth as the evil experiment culminates in diabolical success. The doctor cackles with glee as he clears the laboratory of smoke with a Kasco circulator. He slowly peels and unfolds the layers of cloth..... IT IS ALIVE! IT IS ALI.....uh-oh!
-
-
-
-
-
-

That is, at the same time, both hilarious and deeply disturbing. I don't think I'll be sleeping much tonight.

the anxious crowd wants more.....

More! More!

I like the Stooges better than a french fried mermaid scary enough to run off pirates. :p

By the way, Brettski..

That second picture you posted is stuck in my mind. Absolutely stunning.

No! No! Not me Dr. Bruce

You guys have waaay too much time on your hands! It must still be Winter. Thanks for the chuckles.

Bruce,
My housekeeper was looking over my sholder and saw the cat and said it reminded her of me, I can only guess that it is the hair color.

Everyday you notice that more and more of your fish are disappearing.

Do you really know where your cat is?

And one of my other favorites...

"I think I need a bigger boat."

jeff, the cat and fish reminded me of the time our big tomcat joe came down the driveway one day and his mouth and face were all swollen up like he had a tennis ball in there......we thought immediately he'd been bitten by a rattler. as he came closer, we noticed a small thin wormy like thing hanging out of one side of his mouth. he was giving us a muffled meow as he approached (like he does when he brings gopher and jackrabbit treats to mom and dad).

he got up to our feet and we looked down and simultaneously as he opened his mouth out wiggled about a 2 foot long juvenile gopher snake (tail first), still alive and unharmed. we said "good buddy joe" and let the snake squirm off in the words......it was a sight.

i dont have much love for cats, but i'll tell you, i worked on him for several years, and this is the only one i've EVER known that could be trained NOT to kill birds, lizards, and snakes. i do not think this will be a replaceable feature in any other cat we (unfortunately) might own.

DIED I thought for a second you were going to tell us that ole' tomcat joe had a swollen mouth from a run in with the lip gripper. :p

actually i'd only lip grip the inside cat. it'd be pretty tough to lip grip old joe. he's earned his keep many times over. i have many tales of joe suitable for "theatre of the absurd".

the most recent (late last fall) was when he full on attacked a large turkey vulture in our front yard. it was unbelievable.

one of the earliest tales (about 10 years ago) was when he attacked a full grown doe from behind, and she chased him across our entire 12 acres and he never got caught.

he's been picked up by a great horned owl who only made it about 10 feet in the air before joe almost gutted him.

he fell out of a two story window, got caught in the screen on the way down, and busted his nose which is still crooked today.

a coyote chased him up a oak tree once. he was up about 30 feet, my wife sat there and watched him bobbing up and down on the end of a branch and he timed the "bob" so at the lowest point he dropped into lower branches about 10 feet down, and he did this again, and dropped the last 10 feet to ground.

in front of my neighbors house, my neighbor watched him fight and scare off a full grown fox last summer.

he's lost all his canines in fights, has a ripped ear, a crooked nose, and only God knows how many other tall tales we didnt see, and he's made it to 14 years old....i'll admit, i'll miss him when he's gone.

the vet wont miss him. he had to go in for an overnight thing once. he escaped the cage and they had to dart him with a rifle, he doesnt like vets. just for posterity:

The next person to make a joke about a cat is dead meat

Where do you folks come up with all this stuff?

Is the dog wearing a religious beanie?

Hey baby...

Dog & Cat Diarys


Excerpts from a Dog's diary:

8 AM Dog food! My favorite thing!
9 AM A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 AM A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 AM Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
NOON Lunch treats! My favorite thing!
1 PM Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3 PM Got to chew on my Kong toy! My favorite thing!
5 PM Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7 PM Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8 PM Watched TV with my master! My favorite thing!
11 PM Sleeping on the couch! My favorite thing!

Excerpts from a Cat's diary:

It's day 683 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me
with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh
meat, while the other inmates are fed hash or some sort of dry
nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear,
I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.
In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomited on the
floor.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at
their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts,
since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they
merely made condescending comments about "what a good little hunter"
I am. The audacity!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was
placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event;
however, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard
that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must
learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one
of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must
try this again tomorrow, this time at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and nitches.
The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released
and seems more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicating with the
guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. The
captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell,
so he is safe . . .
for now.......................................

LOL

P.S. Family loved it, too.

Top notch.

I say throw that cat in the pond with the piranhas ( woops I mean RES) and then he will know who rules the farm.