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#14880 - 05/20/06 01:12 PM Several unknown facts about redear sunfish
Bruce Condello Offline
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Registered: 08/01/04
Posts: 8854
Loc: United States
1. Redear sunfish are always angry.
2. Redear sunfish don't sleep--they wait.
3. If you can see a redear sunfish, he can see you. If you can't see the redear sunfish, you may be only seconds away from death.
4. A redear sunfish refers to himself in the fourth person.
5. If a redear sunfish could push a button to eliminate every yellow perch on the planet, he would.
6. Similar to a Russian Nesting Doll, if you were to break open a redear sunfish you would find another redear sunfish, only smaller and angrier.
7. A redear sunfish's calender goes straight from March 30th to April 2nd--nobody fools a redear sunfish.
_________________________
Holding a redear sunfish is like running with scissors.

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#14881 - 05/20/06 01:23 PM Re: Several unknown fact about redear sunfish
PondsForFun Offline
Member

Registered: 12/24/05
Posts: 668
Loc: Central Texas
LOL! Bruce would you please explain 3, 4 and 6 to someone with no redear sunfish experience. :rolleyes: :p
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Please no more rain for a month! :|

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#14882 - 05/20/06 02:12 PM Re: Several unknown fact about redear sunfish
ewest Offline
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Hall of Fame 2014

Lunker

Registered: 03/08/05
Posts: 19409
Loc: Miss.
Bruce what happened to cause such a post about RES? Did several or a trophy fin you and wee on you and get away? \:D ;\) :p
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#14883 - 05/20/06 02:27 PM Re: Several unknown fact about redear sunfish
Bruce Condello Offline
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Registered: 08/01/04
Posts: 8854
Loc: United States
8. When it comes time to pay taxes, a redear sunfish simply sends a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. A redear sunfish has not had to pay taxes--ever.
_________________________
Holding a redear sunfish is like running with scissors.

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#14884 - 05/20/06 03:43 PM Re: Several unknown fact about redear sunfish
burgermeister Offline
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Registered: 02/27/05
Posts: 4025
Loc: Houston, Tx.
 Quote:
Originally posted by PondsForFun:
LOL! Bruce would you please explain 3, 4 and 6 to someone with no redear sunfish experience. :rolleyes: :p
Bruce is off today. Need I say more? :p
_________________________

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#14885 - 05/20/06 04:57 PM Re: Several unknown fact about redear sunfish
Meadowlark Offline
Lunker

Registered: 03/09/04
Posts: 3075
Loc: East Texas
A RES has no reflection in the mirror.

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#14886 - 05/20/06 05:22 PM Re: Several unknown fact about redear sunfish
Brettski Offline
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Registered: 10/07/05
Posts: 6886
Loc: Illinois
Dear Dr Frankenbruce,
I am working on completion of a new pond and contemplating stocking it with only Redear Sunfish. I have read, tho, that they can be mean, agressive, and act with deadly force. I am a firm believer that negative attitude can be influenced to positive change, given the correct environment. For this reason, I have decided to make this same pond a waterpark with wave action and waterslides. This will generate fun and frolic for both the humans and the Redear Sunfish. I am certain this carnival atmosphere will surely draw out the playful side of RES, creating lasting postive memories.
Do you foresee any unanticipated problems with my plan?
Signed,
Fun loving fish guy
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#14887 - 05/20/06 06:20 PM Re: Several unknown fact about redear sunfish
PondsForFun Offline
Member

Registered: 12/24/05
Posts: 668
Loc: Central Texas
I can just see the headlines:

New Waterpark Disaster!

3 Dead, 12 injured, 17 missing in the worst waterpark disaster in US history. One man was hauled away in chains after putting innocent people in the proximity of killer fish. He is said to be facing life plus 400 years. The legislature is considering the banishment of RES in all waters public and private. Bruce Condello, the breeder of the killer fish could not be contacted for comment. His lawyer said charges are pending.
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Please no more rain for a month! :|

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#14888 - 05/20/06 10:45 PM Re: Several unknown fact about redear sunfish
Theo Gallus Offline
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Registered: 05/14/04
Posts: 12373
Loc: Central Ohio
 Quote:
Originally posted by Bruce Condello:
7. A redear sunfish's calender goes straight from March 30th to April 2nd--nobody fools a redear sunfish.
Apparently nobody can March 31st a Redear either. :rolleyes:

The Redears been ganging up on you lately, Bruce? They were biting pretty good here today.
_________________________
"Live like you'll die tomorrow, but manage your grass like you'll live forever."
-S. M. Stirling

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#14889 - 05/20/06 10:57 PM Re: Several unknown fact about redear sunfish
Bruce Condello Offline
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Registered: 08/01/04
Posts: 8854
Loc: United States
9. The boogeyman can't sleep because he's afraid there's a redear sunfish in his closet.
_________________________
Holding a redear sunfish is like running with scissors.

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#14890 - 05/20/06 11:10 PM Re: Several unknown fact about redear sunfish
Theo Gallus Offline
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Registered: 05/14/04
Posts: 12373
Loc: Central Ohio
10. How many Redears does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they make those wimpy Bluegill do it for them.
_________________________
"Live like you'll die tomorrow, but manage your grass like you'll live forever."
-S. M. Stirling

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#14891 - 05/20/06 11:13 PM Re: Several unknown fact about redear sunfish
Bruce Condello Offline
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Registered: 08/01/04
Posts: 8854
Loc: United States
 Quote:
Originally posted by Brettski:

Do you foresee any unanticipated problems with my plan?
None whatsoever, unless you consider everyone dying a problem...
_________________________
Holding a redear sunfish is like running with scissors.

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#14892 - 05/21/06 12:07 AM Re: Several unknown fact about redear sunfish
Sunil Offline
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Registered: 09/03/03
Posts: 11494
Loc: Somerset, PA
Now I'm scared to go my pond.

Thanks.

Thanks a lot.
_________________________
Excerpt from Robert Crais' "The Monkey's Raincoat:"
"She took another microscopic bite of her sandwich, then pushed it away. Maybe she absorbed nutrients from her surroundings."


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#14893 - 05/21/06 08:09 AM Re: Several unknown fact about redear sunfish
ewest Offline
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Registered: 03/08/05
Posts: 19409
Loc: Miss.
What happens when they send the national guard to the pond to take out the last RES ?

Just like in "Rambo" they need a lot more body bags.
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#14894 - 05/21/06 09:42 AM Re: Several unknown fact about redear sunfish
Bruce Condello Offline
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Registered: 08/01/04
Posts: 8854
Loc: United States
11. The redear sunfish crossed the road. Nobody ever dared question his motives.
_________________________
Holding a redear sunfish is like running with scissors.

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#14895 - 05/21/06 10:06 AM Re: Several unknown fact about redear sunfish
PondsForFun Offline
Member

Registered: 12/24/05
Posts: 668
Loc: Central Texas
You could write a booklet:

"Inside these pages is a list of all the creatures meaner than a redear sunfish".

Inside would be a dozen blank pages! :rolleyes:
_________________________
Please no more rain for a month! :|

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#14896 - 05/21/06 06:12 PM Re: Several unknown fact about redear sunfish
Bruce Condello Offline
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Registered: 08/01/04
Posts: 8854
Loc: United States
Largemouth bass kill from instinct. Striped bass hybrids kill for sustenance.

Redear sunfish kill because they're bored of torturing.
_________________________
Holding a redear sunfish is like running with scissors.

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#14897 - 05/22/06 11:41 AM Re: Several unknown fact about redear sunfish
heybud Offline
Lunker

Registered: 03/14/06
Posts: 1319
Loc: Central Texas
If you want to keep your beer cold hold it next to a Redear Sunfish's heart.
_________________________
In Dog Beers, I've had one.

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#14898 - 05/22/06 11:51 AM Re: Several unknown fact about redear sunfish
Winston Offline
Member

Registered: 05/16/06
Posts: 76
Loc: Riverview, FL
Ok, I have to ask, I am not sure i have caught or seen a Redear Sunfish. What have you seen them do that makes them so mean?

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#14899 - 05/22/06 12:21 PM Re: Several unknown fact about redear sunfish
Alligator Offline
Lunker

Registered: 03/30/05
Posts: 821
Loc: East Texas
It is caused by a Napoleon complex.

Gator
_________________________
- Smoke 'em if you got 'em




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#14900 - 05/22/06 01:21 PM Re: Several unknown fact about redear sunfish
Bruce Condello Offline
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Field Correspondent

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Registered: 08/01/04
Posts: 8854
Loc: United States

_________________________
Holding a redear sunfish is like running with scissors.

Top
#14901 - 05/22/06 01:25 PM Re: Several unknown fact about redear sunfish
Sunil Offline
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Registered: 09/03/03
Posts: 11494
Loc: Somerset, PA
Bruce, I take it that this fish is verbally berating you, as well as defecating on you as you hold him?

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#14902 - 05/22/06 01:31 PM Re: Several unknown fact about redear sunfish
Alligator Offline
Lunker

Registered: 03/30/05
Posts: 821
Loc: East Texas
Geeze Bruce - that thing is a freakin monster...very impressive indeed!

Gator
_________________________
- Smoke 'em if you got 'em




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#14903 - 05/22/06 01:48 PM Re: Several unknown fact about redear sunfish
Brettski Offline
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Registered: 10/07/05
Posts: 6886
Loc: Illinois
 Quote:
Geeze Bruce - that thing is a freakin monster...very impressive indeed!
...illusion. Bruce has very tiny hands (occupation advantage)
It should be noted, tho, that the "come hither" stare is bone chilling
 Quote:
Bruce, I take it that this fish if verbally berating you
...either that, or a rendition of "Take me to the river".
-
(beauty!)
_________________________


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#14904 - 05/22/06 02:49 PM Re: Several unknown fact about redear sunfish
Alligator Offline
Lunker

Registered: 03/30/05
Posts: 821
Loc: East Texas
That "THANG", whatever it is, would scare off most of my LMB!



It gives me the heebie jeebies just staring into it's eyes.

Gator

(all kidding aside - that is one heck of a nice fish Bruce)
_________________________
- Smoke 'em if you got 'em




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