Pond Boss Forums INTRO Questions & Observations The High Cost of Dental School

Swayze did learn a lot of street fighting techniques during the filming of Roadhouse.

That may just give me enough smile to make it to work this morning.

Dear Rona Gallus,
It has been months since my last correspondence, but Bruce's recent ill-fated encounter with Buddy Ebsen has really sent the TV-land crowd to buzzing. The first rumor was far fetched as Swyaze tried to convince the Hollywood press that Bruce's waiter was actually Don Knotts. Swayze purportedly fabricated a story about Knotts stopping Bruce at the restaurant door by screaming "citizen's arrest, citizen's arrest", fumbling at his shirt pocket for a bullet. I, knowing better and being a true Hollywood insider, was at that restaurant that evening; the duck with mango salsa was marvelous. I instantly recognized Ebsen. I should; he cleans my apartment on Mondays and Thursdays. Buddy has shared his come-back dream with me, a reprisal of the Beverly Hillbillys. Buddy is distrought over this unfortunate misunderstanding the night that he was stiffed by the Cannon table for three. His agent is working feverishly with Hollywood moguls to sign Bruce as the new Jethro Bodine in the pilot that Buddy will co-star in called The Nebraska Hillbillys. It will be filmed mostly on the old Bonanza set at the Conderosa. The cement pond that Ellie would use to play with the critters is being replaced by the bluegill pond, and Bruce (as Jethro) will continue to be identified in his trademark coveralls and rope belt.
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Is this new blockbuster series going to be a reality? Will I need to find someone else to clean my apartment?

Hand over your heart when you say "Roadhouse".

*shrug*

"Holy Flashback Batman"

I though only Sunil and I (and perhaps Brettski) had flashbacks. Who'd a thunk that our mild mannered Dentist/Mad Scientist rubbed elbows with the Hollywood Icon crowd. I wonder if he has Paris on speed dial or is she already yesterdays news.

Dang some mornings I can still wake up and almost see the thick blue cloud of pungent smoke hanging low over the stadium as a spot lit Jimmy Page began the amazing "Dazed and Confused" guitar intro. As Sunil would say "the lights, ahhhhhh the lights....."

With that big, double neck Gibson.

I'm really surprised that nobody noticed something. This was taken during a period of my life that I was going through intense counseling. My disorder was known as "multishirtiphrenzia", which is essentially the disorder of the frontal lobe that makes you not realize you've already put a shirt on.



In this picture I actually only weigh 145 pounds, but by the time I had twenty-five to thirty shirts on I looked much heavier. This also cost me some excellent Hollywood roles.

I thought that's when he was bowing the Les Paul.

I am glad you have conqeured multishirtziphrenia, Bruce. The downside, as everyone who was in the bar in Arlington on Saturday night knows, is that now you only have one shirt to wear. The wrong one.

That's cold.

Bruce, I think the correct term is "harsh."

Theo is right though. You were all gussied up with that new shirt, planning on going to that club and riding the mechanical bull. Then Howard forced you on a trip out for barbecue.

Hopefully, Howard has been taking some driving lessons.

Howard most certainly has been taking some driving lessons. After being subjected to the driving of his fellow countrymen, I can see why he was promoted to America. He's one of the best.

It's not good when the driver is dodging every object known to man, only to proudly announce, "If anyone is afraid of heights, do not look to your right." That's what a law professor of mine would call the "sphincter factor."

Howard, like Otto the bus driver on The Simpsons, has a perfect driving record: "Fourteen accidents and NO fatalities!"

Dang, that's funny!

Another update, in regards to my multishirtiphrenzia.

When the counseling sessions ended, I found myself spiraling into a deep, almost comatose malaise. Days seemed like weeks. Weeks seemed like months. And months seemed like hours.

I knew that it was higly unlikely that I'd ever get another job. I'd just created too much havoc within the inner Hollywood circles that means so much when it came to networking for jobs.

I'd already moved beyond the stage in my life where the casting couch could score me any roles--so I moved to Nashville.

A couple of brief stints on RFDTV meant that I could score a meal or two, but nothing in the way of substantive payments that could be used to pay the rent in the 3-bedroom bungalow I was sharing with Suzanne Summers and Matt Lauer. It just wasn't working out.

I had to figure out a way to pay for my high speed internet and my ten thousand texts a day habit that I'd developed when I guest starred on NBC's Biggest Loser, which as you all know, I was quickly booted off of for being overly subversive.

Then it dawned on me.

Why not contact Ebsen for a Vaudeville stint through the Southeastern U.S. where this sort of thing still excites the general public?

Ebsen was game and immediately signed on. Five shows in Alabama, followed by a whirlwind trip through Georgia, South Carolina, and then the big finish in Guam.

Buddy was as excited as all get out, but then a frog in his throat turned out to be....of all things....a parasite that had attached itself to the phary-esophogeal junction!

Could his timing have been any worse?

I tried to be kind and supportive, just like in the early days, but he sensed my disappointment, then his embarrassment turned to anger and I woke up one morning with a down pillow affixed firmly to my mouth and nose.

Everything else after that was a blur.

One of Bruce's friends in the music industry was moved to write a song about his plight. Later, the record company changed the lyrics to avoid legal troubles.

I knew a man Condello and he'd dance for you
In worn out shoes
With silver hair, a ragged shirt, and baggy pants
The old soft shoe
He jumped so high, jumped so high
Then he lightly touched down

I met him in a cell in New Orleans I was
down and out
He looked to me to be the eyes of age
as he spoke right out
He talked of life, talked of life, he laughed
clicked his heels and stepped

He said his name "Condello" and he danced a lick
across the cell
He grabbed his pants and spread his stance,
Oh he jumped so high and then he clicked his heels
He let go a laugh, let go a laugh
and shook back his clothes all around

Dr. Condello, Dr. Condello
Dr. Condello, dance

He danced for those at minstrel shows and county fairs
throughout the south
He spoke through tears of 15 years how his dog and him
traveled about
The dog up and died, he up and died
And after 20 years he still grieves

He said I dance now at every chance in honky tonks
for drinks and tips
But most the time I spend behind these county bars
'cause I drinks a bit
He shook his head, and as he shook his head
I heard someone ask him please

Dr. Condello, Dr. Condello
Dr. Condello, dance..

I love winter.

I'm confused! Is this about Theo Bojangles or Bruce Bojangles? Maybe: "why ask why? it's art."

That early in the morning, I'm not sure myself.