A lonely, forlorn, evil Dr Frankenbruce skulks and schemes in anger deep in the bowels of his hidden laboratory. It has been too long...far too long, indeed. A mate must be created to satiate his fishexual needs and desires. A creature of exquisite beauty, capable of gracing the cover of Fishbuoy, yet still be able to gobble down mosquitoe larvae and worms with class and dignity. And yes, oh yes...she must bear the cranial amplitude of the most evil of my fish creations...the Angry RES! This shall be the greatest of all the Frankenbruce creations. This will put my practice on the map! Let the experiment begin by adding the meanest of all the brood...my favorite...the thumb-eater: - - - ...and carefully meld the genetics of the most beautiful woman in the world; my beloved co-star: - - - - ...lightning crashes and booms. On the other side of town, Shorty closes the window and mutters "he's at it again". A huge explosion eminates from deep below the earth as the evil experiment culminates in diabolical success. The doctor cackles with glee as he clears the laboratory of smoke with a Kasco circulator. He slowly peels and unfolds the layers of cloth..... IT IS ALIVE! IT IS ALI.....uh-oh! - - - - - -
jeff, the cat and fish reminded me of the time our big tomcat joe came down the driveway one day and his mouth and face were all swollen up like he had a tennis ball in there......we thought immediately he'd been bitten by a rattler. as he came closer, we noticed a small thin wormy like thing hanging out of one side of his mouth. he was giving us a muffled meow as he approached (like he does when he brings gopher and jackrabbit treats to mom and dad).
he got up to our feet and we looked down and simultaneously as he opened his mouth out wiggled about a 2 foot long juvenile gopher snake (tail first), still alive and unharmed. we said "good buddy joe" and let the snake squirm off in the words......it was a sight.
i dont have much love for cats, but i'll tell you, i worked on him for several years, and this is the only one i've EVER known that could be trained NOT to kill birds, lizards, and snakes. i do not think this will be a replaceable feature in any other cat we (unfortunately) might own.
actually i'd only lip grip the inside cat. it'd be pretty tough to lip grip old joe. he's earned his keep many times over. i have many tales of joe suitable for "theatre of the absurd".
the most recent (late last fall) was when he full on attacked a large turkey vulture in our front yard. it was unbelievable.
one of the earliest tales (about 10 years ago) was when he attacked a full grown doe from behind, and she chased him across our entire 12 acres and he never got caught.
he's been picked up by a great horned owl who only made it about 10 feet in the air before joe almost gutted him.
he fell out of a two story window, got caught in the screen on the way down, and busted his nose which is still crooked today.
a coyote chased him up a oak tree once. he was up about 30 feet, my wife sat there and watched him bobbing up and down on the end of a branch and he timed the "bob" so at the lowest point he dropped into lower branches about 10 feet down, and he did this again, and dropped the last 10 feet to ground.
in front of my neighbors house, my neighbor watched him fight and scare off a full grown fox last summer.
he's lost all his canines in fights, has a ripped ear, a crooked nose, and only God knows how many other tall tales we didnt see, and he's made it to 14 years old....i'll admit, i'll miss him when he's gone.
the vet wont miss him. he had to go in for an overnight thing once. he escaped the cage and they had to dart him with a rifle, he doesnt like vets. just for posterity:
8 AM Dog food! My favorite thing! 9 AM A car ride! My favorite thing! 9:40 AM A walk in the park! My favorite thing! 10:30 AM Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing! NOON Lunch treats! My favorite thing! 1 PM Played in the yard! My favorite thing! 3 PM Got to chew on my Kong toy! My favorite thing! 5 PM Milk bones! My favorite thing! 7 PM Got to play ball! My favorite thing! 8 PM Watched TV with my master! My favorite thing! 11 PM Sleeping on the couch! My favorite thing!
Excerpts from a Cat's diary:
It's day 683 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomited on the floor. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about "what a good little hunter" I am. The audacity!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event; however, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow, this time at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and nitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released and seems more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. The captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe . . . for now.......................................
Darn, I forgot to mention the fish are pacu. It's fun to watch them eat, and they grow like weeds. I don't recommend letting them eat from your hand, however.
Bassponder, I have no idea what the heck that is but I got to tell you if I EVER catch one of those things in my pond I'm draining it dry, having a hazmat team remove six feet of soil, and starting all over again.
GW, just make sure none of these "decorations" end up in the bedroom. I would think that having this staring at you could have a serious negative effect on any romantic moments....
She has pretty hair and a nice tan. We all can't be fashion models Jeff.
I guess so GW. Perhaps I have just lived too close to Hollywood for too long. As a child my parents did instruct me... if you can't say anything nice about a silky haired carnivorous alien then you shouldn't say anything at all... but I guess I just forgot.
...close your eyes and imagine Sunil racked out and dead to the world in his hotel room. His eyelids are jittering wildly with REM as he dreams about the club that the mod's hit after the PB conference. - (edit) besides, Davidson can't climb, Cody is afraid of heights, and Condello wouldn't require that much pixellation
Mrs. Gallus better never hear of this or Theo is gonna get the moderation of a lifetime.
The events depicted in this thread are fictitious. Any similarity to any person living, partially living, partially dead, or entirely dead is merely coincidental. Any coincidences depicted in this thread are also fictitious.
JHAP, please review the rules of this forum. Posts such as this will not be tolerated. If in the future you persist in posting crude and obnoxious remarks your posting rights will be terminated.
I enjoyed getting to meet you this weekend. And yes, everyone, B-ski is as funny in person as he is on the forum. Now all we need is the cracked windshield with a nice shot of Howard's crazed ex-wife. Poor guy.
Maybe Rita was on the inside? I predict that a few rather large A & M grads will make a trip to the OTHER Columbus. RT, FMB, Ray Childress, etc. Are WE gonna take that?
Why is it that birds always transport rough fish? Why don't they ever bring tiger bass or CNBG or CSBG? If carrier pigeons can be trained to carry slips of paper long distances, is it such an unreasonable expectation that someone out there could coach up a few hawks or eagles to deliver fingerlings in oxygenated plastic bags?
I believe Toro makes machines called show throwers.....
Bruce is well versed at using show throwers. I know; I saw his presentation at PB Con II (edit; this is a very mean thing to say, but it's the only dispensation I get for the pair of reading glasses he broke on me)
I believe Toro makes machines called show throwers.....
Bruce is well versed at using show throwers. I know; I saw his presentation at PB Con II (edit; this is a very mean thing to say, but it's the only dispensation I get for the pair of reading glasses he broke on me)
I believe Toro makes machines called snow throwers.....
I'm going back outside right this minute to blow some more snow.
My back feels like it's been all shoveling.
Sorry to hear that! Things are a mess even here in downtown Minneapolis. I just drove back from my lady friend's place, and was using four wheel drive on Hennepin Avenue.
Oh, man, what is it about people falling, whacking their mellons, wiping each other out, etc. that just makes you laugh so doggone hard??!! I think I have a hernia now!
man its getting deep around here man you are in too deep this is some deep stuff you led me into you sure you know where you are going I knew better than to follow you
man its getting deep around here man you are in too deep this is some deep stuff you led me into you sure you know where you are going I knew better than to follow you
Is she worth all this? Is there really a field of greens over yonder? I HOPE this will put us out of shooting range.
Very funny, but very sad at the same time. I will have to search out this dudes resume'. Surely he didnt just start this type playing after a contract extension. It looks like it was intrenched in him. At some point in time, instincts take over, and you actually touch the opposition.
Throughout his senior season, Cromartie recorded 12 tackles. .......................high school stats. A real headhunter.
2009 Season Cromartie stated that this season was his best season yet. He finished the regular season with 3 interceptions, 33 tackles, and 10 passes defended......all pro numbers for sure. Chargers brass got what they deserved; free seat on sidelines for AFC final.
Antonio Cromartie has seven children living in five states, and has been named in at least five paternity suits in the past two years.[11]....at least he's good for something. Reputed to not be able to read. Maybe should have stayed at the Christian high school in Tallahassee.
I knew a guy that would catch a fly cupped in his hands and shake it like crazy to stun it. Then, he would carefully tie a thin piece of thread to one of it's legs. When it would come to and try to fly away, he would take it out for a walk fly.
I knew a guy that would catch a fly cupped in his hands and shake it like crazy to stun it. Then, he would carefully tie a thin piece of thread to one of it's legs. When it would come to and try to fly away, he would take it out for a walk fly.
Brings an entirely new meaning to the term "tying flies."
Years ago in the Astrodome, I believe at a Houston Rodeo concert, a woman got arrested for foregoing the endlessly long line and going in to the men's room. Obviously had to be male policeperson,........or a jealous female one.
Not exactly, but there is entertainment at about 1/2 way thru the rodeo events. It used to be at the end, but sometimes the rodeo went long and the entertainment part kept some of us 40 somethings up too late. http://www.hlsr.com/concerts/index.aspx My 12 Y.O. granddaughter is hot to trot to see the latest country and weatern phenom, Justin Biemer . When my son said the she had a crush on him, I naturally said 'get him over here, I want to have a papaw approval on this'. After worrying about it for a couple wks. my son told me he is an 'entertainer'.
Hey, I have seen George Strait, numerous times, George Jones, Eagles, Lynyrd Skynyrd 2, Hank Jr., and many others. Not the best acoustics for a soundstage, but...by the end of the rodeo, who cared?
BTW...I've also seen Bodacious perform several times.
The neighbor down the street has a tiny skid steer, and the stalls are big enough so he can use the skid steer to clean them. He gets sawdust by the dump truck full.
I've never seen a skid steer that small and still have a seat for the operator.
There is evidence that legendary Swiss patriot William Tell and his family were avid bowlers, but unfortunately all the league records were destroyed in a fire.
Thus we'll sadly never know for whom the Tells bowled.
Dreamed I was drafted into the army, which at age 50 was something of a surprise. My Drill Sergeant at basic training was a big, mean tough career Army woman named Tina. She hated me.
While climbing ropes I fell and broke my leg, but due to army regulations I was required to report to the infirmary without assistance. As I was painfully limping away, dragging a broken leg, my Drill Sergeant became upset at the situation and nearly broke down.
I turned back towards her and said, "Don't cry for me, Sergeant Tina!"
Nope, not fake we actually got that at work a couple years back and laughed quite hard. Heck, VA doesn't even allow you to smile in your DMV photos anymore. I guess Mississippi is a bit lax on their DMV photo policies...
Our local DMV office let's you look at your pic and take another if you want.....the other local office is downright hateful.----guess which one is state run and which is a private contractor!!!
A man works in Texas, collecting the tickets from people when they get on the bus.
He rings the bell for the driver to set off when there's a woman not quite on the bus. The driver sets off, the woman falls from the bus and is killed. At the trial the man is sent down for murder and seeing as its Texas he's sent to the electric chair.
On the day of his execution he's sat in the chair and the executioner grants him a final wish.
"Well", says the man, "is that your packed lunch over there?"
"Yes", answers the executioner.
"Can I have that green banana?"
The executioner gives the man his green banana and waits till he's eaten it.
When the man's finished, the executioner flips the switch sending hundreds of thousands of volts through the man. When the smoke clears the man is still alive. The executioner can't believe it.
"Can I go then?", the man asks.
"I suppose so", says the executioner, "that's never happened before".
The man leaves and eventually gets a job with another bus company selling tickets. Again he rings the bell for the driver to go when people are still getting on. A man falls under the wheels and is killed. The guy is sent down for murder again and sent to the electric chair.
The executioner is determined to do it right this time so rigs the chair up to the electric supply for the whole of Texas.
The man is again sat in the chair. "What is your final wish?" asks the executioner.
"Can I have that green banana in your packed lunch?" says the condemned man.
The executioner sighs and reluctantly gives up his banana. The man eats the banana all up and the executioner flips the switch.
Millions of volts course through the chair blacking out Texas. When the smoke clears the man is still sat there smiling in the chair.
The executioner can't believe it and lets the man go.
Well, would you believe it, the guy gets his job back on the buses. Once again he rings the bell whilst passengers are still getting on, this time killing three of them. He is sent to the electric chair yet again.
The executioner rigs up all southwest power grid supply to the chair, determined to get his man this time. The man sits down in the chair smiling.
"What's your final wish?", asks the executioner.
"Well", says the man, "Can I have that green banana out of your packed lunch?"
The executioner hands over his banana and the man eats it all, skin included. The executioner pulls the handle and a bazillion volts go through the chair. When the smoke rises the man is still sat there alive without even a burn mark.
"I give up", says the executioner, "I don't understand how you can still be alive after all that?". He stroked his chin. "It's something to do with that green banana isn't it", he asked.
"Nahh" said the guy, "I'm just a really bad conductor"
I hope your fingers hurt from that nonsense...It's like a Michael Crichton novel all set up and no bang. Well what's another two minutes of my life considering the two hours of garbage(Grey's anatomy) that the wife watched in my vicinity.
They just had this on our local news, with an interview of the officer.
I think he was measuring this in Doughnuts, like the circumference of his belly. Other than that, he would have to be on the VERY plus side of 7 feet tall! And I know, doughnuts kinda stop at the middle, and lack of, kinda makes one delirious.
So You Think English is Easy??? Read to the end . . . a new twist
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce .
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present .
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France . Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick' ?
You lovers of the English language might enjoy this .
There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is 'UP.'
It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP ? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP ? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report?
We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver; we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car. At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special.
And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP. We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.
We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP! To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more. When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP . When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP...
When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP.
When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP.
One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now my time is UP, so......it is time to shut UP!
Oh . . . one more thing:
What is the first thing you do in the morning & the last thing you do at night?
LOUISIANA GHOST STORY (This happened about a month ago just outside a little town in the bayou country of Louisiana , and while it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it's real.)
This guy was on the side of the road hitchhiking on a real dark night in the middle of a thunder storm. Time passed slowly and no cars went by.
It was raining so hard he could hardly see his hand in front of his face.
Suddenly he saw a car moving slowly approaching and appearing ghostlike in the rain. It slowly crept toward him and stopped. Wanting a ride real bad the guy jumped in the car and closed the door -- only then did he realize that there was nobody behind the wheel.
The car slowly started moving and the guy was terrified, too scared to think of jumping out and running. The guy saw that the car was slowly approaching a sharp curve, still too scared to jump out, he started to pray and begging for his life; he was sure the ghost car would go off the road and in the bayou and he would surely drown, when just before the curve, a hand appeared thru the driver's window and turned the steering wheel, guiding the car safely around the bend. Paralyzed with fear, the guy watched the hand reappear every time they reached a curve. Finally the guy scared to near death had all he could take and jumped out of the car and ran to town.
Wet and in shock, he went into a bar and voice quavering, ordered two shots of whiskey, then told everybody about his supernatural experience. A silence enveloped and everybody got goose bumps when they realized the guy was telling the truth and not just some drunk.
About half an hour later two guys walked into the bar and one says to the other, "Look Boudreaux, ders dat idiot that rode in our car when we was pushin it in the rain."
The 3 AM disturbance A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00am in the morning!" He slams the door and returns to bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife. "Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers. "Did you help him?" she asks. "No, I did not, it is 3:00am in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!"
"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!"
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain. He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?" "Yes," comes back the answer. "Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.
"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark. "Where are you?" asks the husband.
A woman goes into Bass Pro Shop to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter.
A Bass Pro Shop associate is standing there wearing dark shades. She says, 'Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?'
He says, 'Ma'am, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything from the sound it makes.'
She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.
He says, 'That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-LB. test line. It's a good all around combination and it's on sale this week for only $20.00.
She says, 'It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!' As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.
'Oh, that sounds like a Master Card,' he says.
She bends down to pick it up and accidentally farts. At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the blind clerk could tell it was she who tooted. Being blind, he wouldn't know that she was the only person around.
The man rings up the sale and says, 'That'll be $34.50 please.'
The woman is totally confused by this and asks, 'Didn't you tell me the rod and reel were on sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?'
He replies, 'Yes, Ma'am. The rod and reel is $20.00, but the Duck Call is $11.00 and the Bear Repellent is $3.50.
Just learned how to cut and paste! Just learned how to cut and paste! Just learned how to cut and paste! Just learned how to cut and paste! Just learned how to cut and paste! Just learned how to cut and paste! Just learned how to cut and paste! Just learned how to cut and paste! Just learned how to cut and paste! Just learned how to cut and paste! Just learned how to cut and paste! Just learned how to cut and paste! Just learned how to cut and paste! Just learned how to cut and paste! Just learned how to cut and paste! Just learned how to cut and paste! Just learned how to cut and paste! Just learned how to cut and paste! Just learned how to cut and paste! Just learned how to cut and paste! Just learned how to cut and paste! Just learned how to cut and paste! Just learned how to cut and paste! Just learned how to cut and paste!
Alaskan Tale (where life is tough & humor is dark)
The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, an Anchorage man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers. "We're sorry Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife," said one trooper "Tell me! Did you find her?" Wilkens shouted. The troopers looked at each other. One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?" Fearing the worst, an ashen Mr. Wilkens said, "Give me the bad news first." The trooper said, “I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in Kachemak Bay." "Oh my God!" exclaimed Wilkens.
Swallowing hard, he asked, “What's the good news?" The trooper continued, "When we pulled her up, she had 12 twenty-five pound king crabs and 6 good-size Dungeness crabs clinging to her, and we feel you’re entitled to a share of the catch."
Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded, "If that's the good news, what's the great news?" The trooper said, "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow."
The following is an actual exchange of correspondence between a customer and the Irish Railway Company - Larnrod Eireann.
Gentlemen, I have been riding your trains daily for the last two years, and the service on your line seems to be getting worse every day. I am tired of standing in the aisle all the time on a 14-mile trip. I think the transportation system is worse than that enjoyed by people 2,000 years ago. Yours truly, Patrick Finnegan
-------------------------------- Dear Mr. Finnegan, We received your letter with reference to the shortcomings of our service and believe you are somewhat confused in your history. The only mode of transportation 2,000 years ago was by foot. Sincerely, Larnrod Eireann.
-----------------------------------
Gentlemen, I am in receipt of your letter, and I think you are the ones who are confused in your history. If you will refer to the Bible and the Book of Numbers, 22nd Chapter, you will find that Balaam rode to town on his ass.
That.... gentlemen, is something I have not been able to do on your train in the last two years! Yours truly, Patrick Finnegan.
All golfers should live so long as to be this kind of old man!
Toward the end of the Sunday service, the Minister asked, "How many of you have forgiven your enemies?"
80% held up their hands.
The Minister then repeated his question and All responded this time, except one man, an avid golfer named Walter Barnes, who attended church only when the weather was bad.
"Mr. Barnes, it's obviously not a good morning for golf. It's good to see you here today. Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"
"I don't have any," he replied gruffly.
"Mr. Barnes, that is very unusual. How old are you?"
"Ninety-eight," he replied. The congregation stood up and clapped their hands.
"Oh, Mr. Barnes, would you please come down in front & tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years & not have an enemy in the world?"
The old golfer tottered down the aisle, stopped in front of the pulpit, turned around, faced the congregation, and simply said,
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny. So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin. However, the only skin on her body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from her buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and they requested that the doctor also honor their secret.
After all, this was a very delicate matter. After the surgery was completed, everone was astounded at the man's new face.
He looked more handsome than he ever had before! All his friends and relatives just went on and on about his youthful beauty!!
He said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?"
My darling," she replied, I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek!!!"
A pirate walked into a bar, and the bartender said,
"Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible."
"What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine."
"What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before."
"Well," said the pirate, "We were in a battle, and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now."
The bartender replied, "Well, OK, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?"
The pirate explained, "We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook but I'm fine, really."
"What about that eye patch?"
"Oh," said the pirate, "One day we were at sea, and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up, and one of them pooped in my eye."
"You're kidding," said the bartender. "You couldn't lose an eye just from bird poop."
Well, with all the rain we got last week we had a number of bridges wash out around where I work. They have been working on repairing them but while they're doing that they try to make it as clear as possible that the road is closed...
Last night at work, I found out the road was closed for another reason...
Da End Iss Near Ole is the pastor of the local Norwegian Lutheran Church and Pastor Sven is the minister of the Swedish Covenant Church across the road. One day they are seen pounding a sign into the ground, which said:
DA END ISS NEAR! TURN YERSELF AROUNT NOW BAFOR IT ISS TOO LATE!
As a car speeds past them, the driver leans out his window and yells, "Leave people alone, you Skandihoovian religious nuts!"
From the curve they heard screeching tires and a big splash.
Shakin' his head, Rev. Ole says "Dat's da terd one dis mornin'." "Yaa," Pastor Sven agrees, then asks, "Do ya tink maybe da sign should yust say, 'Bridge Out?'"
I never have to flip a light switch at work. I walk in my office, and the lights turn on, I walk out, and they turn off. Likewise, going thru the hallways. Lowers your electric bill.
As I approach advanced geezerhood there are some headlines I would like to read. Here is one that would be a godsend. "TECHOLOGY SOLVES THE PLIGHT OF THE ONE ARMED PAPER HANGERS." Maybe someone else has one they would like to share.
Part of the Sex Panther allure is not knowing whether you're in the 60% for that every time. So what gives?
I was thinking about the poor slobs who buy this in hopes of wooing the ladies but who will always be stuck in that 40% bracket! Just a little dose of reality for them and maybe an encouragement to switch to Hai Karate!
Part of the Sex Panther allure is not knowing whether you're in the 60% for that every time. So what gives?
I was thinking about the poor slobs who buy this in hopes of wooing the ladies but who will always be stuck in that 40% bracket! Just a little dose of reality for them and maybe an encouragement to switch to Hai Karate!
Heard it smells like a diaper filled with Indian food anyway. I'll stick with my natural musk.
Fear not, Ken! I was looking at a t-shirt link a buddy sent and was scrolling through the others on the site when I found these "highly relevant" Pond Boss themes!
The ability to quickly gain the sensory image of Indian food wrapped in a dirty diaper is not one to be taken lightly.
As most long-time Pond Bosser's probably know, I'm pretty adventerous when it comes to food. All I can say about this, is that having close in-law Indian ties, I hope that was the equiavalent of a "tortillia" or maybe a Chinease "Moushou Pork" Pancake.
But, then again, I did enjoy the cartoon, and I'm not sure about its signifcance.
There was a hand written card on the community bulletin board at our local convenience store and gas station: 'Talking Dog For Sale' along with an address. My friend goes over there, knocks on the door of a rather run-down shanty type cabin. The owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.
My friend goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.
'You talk?' he asks.
'Yep,' the Lab replies.
After my friend recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So, what's your story?'
The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA.
In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.'
'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running...
But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.'
'I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'
My friend was amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
'Ten dollars,' the guy says.
'Ten dollars? That dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'
'Because he's a Bull$hi++er! He ain't never been out of the back yard'
This, from one of my most favorite fishing columnists, was in this morning's Duluth News Tribune, Duluth, MN/Superior, WI.
Quote:
Sam Cook column: Performance-enhanced ice-fishing? Don’t be a dope
By: Sam Cook, Duluth News Tribune
Now comes word, from no less than the New York Times, that drug-testing has come to ice-fishing.
As we have to say now, in this world of urban legend and satirical stories from the Onion, I’m not making this up.
In a Feb. 24 story in the Times, reporter James Card described how several winners at the recent World Ice Fishing Championship near Wausau, Wis., were whisked away after the competition for drug-testing. According to the Times story, “an official from the United States Anti-Doping Agency ordered them to provide urine samples for a surprise test to detect steroids and growth hormones …”
Apparently, officials did not test for Leinenkugel’s. Just as well.
All of this is happening because some in the sport of ice fishing are hoping to take their competition to the Winter Olympics.
OK. Let’s idle our jigging rods just long enough to ponder a few things. Mainly, how in the world could performance-enhancing drugs improve your ice fishing? Quicker hook-sets? More animated jigging action? Better control of your power auger? Faster slush removal from your fishing hole?
If you rub the same cream on your thighs that some major league home-run hitters did, knowingly or unknowingly, are you less likely to avoid the pitfalls that most of us amateur ice anglers have encountered? Would you, for instance, be less likely to drop a pair of needle-nose pliers down the hole? Would you be less likely to sever your fishing line by accidentally holding it too close to your heater? Those are the kind of performance issues most of us have to deal with. Can doping cure general awkwardness and stupidity?
Doubtful.
And where would we get our dope? The bait shop, I presume.
“Where’s Don?”
“He went in the back room for a minute.”
“I thought he already got the minnows.”
“He did. He said it was about something else.”
It doesn’t take much imagination to visualize Gene, the bait shop proprietor, back there between the bubbling minnow tanks and freezers full of ciscoes, getting ready to poke a long syringe through Don’s Carhartt bibs and into the ample flesh of his rear end. That’s how it starts. And out front, Don’s buddies look the other way, ask no questions.
Lance, tell us it isn’t true.
It isn’t as if most ice anglers are seeking enhanced physical performance. Let’s face it. Most of us drive pickups or snowmobiles across the ice to our fishing destinations. We waddle around in oversized clothing while we penetrate the ice with power augers. We erect little houses and light our heaters. We don’t want six-packs in our abdominal region, thanks. Just outside the shelter will be fine. Lifting 10-inch crappies and 8-inch perch from our holes is not particularly strenuous.
And if they want to drug-test us, they don’t need to call us all into a little room after we’re back at the resort. Just come by our shelters out on the lake, scoop a little of that yellow snow into your USADA Dixie cup and send it to the lab.
It should come back about three parts beef jerky, two parts Old Milwaukee.
See? We’re clean. Let the Games begin.
SAM COOK is a Duluth News Tribune columnist and outdoors writer. Reach him at (218) 723-5332 or scook@duluthnews.com. Follow him on Twitter at twitter.com/samcookoutdoors
What can I say? The majority of the 1988 Olympic "curling" team that restarted Olympic curling, came from my home town in Northern WI. The "skip" (team captain) and his family owned the rink where I played for many years while growing up there.
By the time the 1988 Olympics came around, we weren't as young as we were before that. We had grown old and grumpy. I can't imagine them testing my old friend Bud Somerville, who is several years older than me, and who I believe was the "skip" of the US Olympic team, being tested for using enhancing drugs like Geritol and Preparation-H.
I sure hope that our ice fishing friends in MN and WI aren't doing anything stronger than Lienenkugles. I sure wouldn't want them to bring disgrace upon our nation!
Strange isn't that Illinois has the strictest gun registration laws and doesn't allow conceal carry and yet Chicago has one of the highest gun death rates in all of the nation. Criminals don't seem to mind that the rest of us can't carry firearms yet most of them can and do.
No One May Cross Minnesota State Lines with a Duck On Top Of Their Head
So this man walks into a psycharsrist (don't need one so I can't spell it) with a Duck on his head.
The receptionist said, "Sir I see that you have a problem so I will see if the doctor can see you" Moments later he is put in an examining room and the nurse comes in: "Oops I can see there is quite a problem here, I will send the doctor right in".
The doctor walks in the room and says, "What seems to be the problem here". The DUCK said, "Doc, what can you do about getting this man off of my Azz".
There's a thread on another forum that I hit once in a while and it's over 5300 pages long. I don't know if you'd ever get to the end of it if someone just started at page 1. That thread was started 3-12-2010 on the other forum.
There's a thread on another forum that I hit once in a while and it's over 5300 pages long. I don't know if you'd ever get to the end of it if someone just started at page 1. That thread was started 3-12-2010 on the other forum.
Hmmmmm, small world...Just went over there and stalked your lastest post!!!
Tim decided to tie the knot with his long time girlfriend. One evening, after the honeymoon, he was gathering his gear for an upcoming fishing trip with the boys. His wife was standing there watching him. After along period of silence she finally speaks. Honey, I've been thinking, now that we are married I think it's time you quit fishing with your friends. Maybe you should sell your lures, fishing poles, and boat so you can spend more time around the house. Tim gets this horrified look on his face. She says, "Darling, what's wrong?" ”There for a minute you were sounding like my ex-wife.” "Ex wife!", she screams, "I didn't know you were married before!" ”I wasn't."
In another life I worked in a barber shop for 5 years to work my way through college. They were good times and heard a ton of jokes. One of my favorites: Bam lived in a little town and was so sorry and lazy that the other people in town, being good folks fed him and put him up till he was in his mid-forties. However the weather turned bad and many of the good people could not feed their family much less Bam. Bam then would do things to get thrown in jail so they still had to feed and house him. The good people had a meeting and decided to hang Bam. Of course he was very upset at this news and begged them to reconsider but the good folks threw him in a wagon and started the march to the hanging tree. Bam finally realized the futility of his position and laid down in the wagon on some straw. Before they reached the tree the good people met a farmer with a huge load of vegetables that he was going to sell in town. The farmer asked what was going on so the good people told him Bams' life history. The farmer was a very kind man and began to ask the people to not hang Bam. Bam sat up as the farmer was pleading for him. The good people just said they could no longer feed Bam. The farmer then said to the people they he had a large farm and he would give Bam enough corn to live through the year. Bam promptly asked if the corn was shucked, the farmer said that they was not. Bam laid back down and said he had a hanging to go to.
This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries regarding a pond on his property. It was sent by the Pennsylvania Department of Environmental Quality, State of Pennsylvania. This guy's response is hilarious, but read the State's letter before you get to the response letter, you won’t stop once you start. WOW Love this man.
This is an actual letter: State of Pennsylvania 's letter to Mr. DeVries:
It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity:
Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond.
A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity. A review of the Department's files shows that no permits have been issued Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.
The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at downstream locations.. We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream channel. All restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31, 2013.
Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action..
We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter. Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.
Sincerely,David L. Price District Representative and Water Management Division.
Here is the actual response sent back by Mr. DeVries:
Re: DEQ File No.. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County
Dear Mr. Price,
Your certified letter dated 11/17/12 has been handed to me. I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget Lane , Trout Run, Pennsylvania .
A couple of beavers are in the process of constructing and maintaining two wood 'debris' dams across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond. While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use of natures building materials 'debris.'
I would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any place you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic.
These are the beavers/contractors you are seeking. As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam activity.
My first dam question to you is: (1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers, or (2) Do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to said dam request?
If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through the Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued. (Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.)
I have several dam concerns. My first dam concern is, aren't the beavers entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and are unable to pay for said representation -- so the State will have to provide them with a dam lawyer.
The Department's dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event, causing flooding, is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the Department is required to protect. In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling them dam names.
If you want the damed stream 'restored' to a dam free-flow condition please contact the beavers -- but if you are going to arrest them, they obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter, they being unable to read English.
In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live and enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources (Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams).
So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until 1/31/2013? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice by then and there will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them.
In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real environmental quality, health, problem in the area It is the bears! Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your dam step! The bears are not careful where they dump!
Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam office.
They also said this: "I worked in someones house and they had wired a socket. The earth wire went onto the windowsill and into a plant-pot. They explained that the book they used said 'the green wire must go to earth'."
So... here is a pic of me fishing in my new pond. Problem is, I haven't caught much. What can I stock in a pond this size? When the fish do bite, they seem to stop for no apparent reason.
Ok, on a more serious note, if a fish gets thirsty and drinks water, does the pond level drop? In extension, can an overstocked pond full of thirsty fish make it go dry?
I admire the creativity and ingenuity that went into that design. And there's no denying the wow factor....but I just don't see widespread clamoring for this thing, at least not from my perspective.
Not to mention the fact that my plain, flat, non-smart creeper has never tried to merge me with the undercarriage due to operator error, or heaven forbid, mechanical malfunction.
On the sixth day, God turned to Archangel Gabriel and said, "Today I am going to create a land called Canada. It will be a land of outstanding natural beauty. It shall have tall majestic mountains full of mountain goats and eagles, beautiful sparkling lakes bountiful with bass and trout, forests full of elk and moose, high cliffs over-looking sandy beaches with an abundance of sea life, and rivers stocked with salmon."
God continued, "I shall make the land rich in resources so as to make the inhabitants prosper, I shall call these inhabitants Canadians, and they shall be known as the most friendly people on the earth."
"But Lord," asked Gabriel, "don't you think you are being too generous to these Canadians??"
"Not really," replied God.. "Just wait and see the winters I am going to give them!"
Could somebody please tell me how to embed a video without it just showing a link. I see videos on here were you just see preview image and arrow to make it play. Every time I try to post video it just leaves a boring link you have to click on. Anyway here is the video I'm trying to embed. http://youtu.be/m4x9NxNJPmc
John, go to the the top of your screen and copy the URL on You Tube, then in the full reply screen click on "enter media tag", select you tube, then paste the URL in the space that pops up. It is very similar to posting a picture.
My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have sex?'
'No,' she answered.
I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started...
______________________________________
My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked her, "Do you know him?"
"Yes", she sighed, "He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"
And then the fight started...
________________________________________
My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She was not happy with what she saw and said to me, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."
And then the fight started........
_____________________________________
One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift...
The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
Keep this under your collective hats, but I'm working on a new mallow cultivar that produces chocolate syrup for sap, graham crackers as leaves, and mallows as fruit. Appears promising.
And Yolk Sac thought my dabblings in genetics would be for naught.
Keep this under your collective hats, but I'm working on a new mallow cultivar that produces chocolate syrup for sap, graham crackers as leaves, and mallows as fruit. Appears promising.
And Yolk Sac thought my dabblings in genetics would be for naught.
Keep this under your collective hats, but I'm working on a new mallow cultivar that produces chocolate syrup for sap, graham crackers as leaves, and mallows as fruit. Appears promising.
And Yolk Sac thought my dabblings in genetics would be for naught.
Hmmm, this explains a lot.
Note the cylindrical profile, bloated abdomen, vacuous visage, combine this with previous knowledge of subject fish's excessive fragility and pond owners known propensity to meddle with hybrids and there can be only one explanation:
Sparkies HBG= GSF X Marshmallow.
I have to say, Sparkie, that I admire the audacity and shear technical brilliance that such an endeavor demonstrates, but must admit that the "why" still eludes me.
Ease of preparation yolk. Cooking bluegills for dinner is such a hassle, with obtaining cooking oil, breading the filets, waiting for the oil to heat up, etc. And don't forget how the kitchen smells afterward.
With my HBG, you only need a sharp, pointed stick and a campfire to enjoy a delicious fish dinner. Sure there's a learning curve involved, such as how close to the flames you need to hold the ENHANCED mallowchirus, along with the equally important speed of rotation needed for optimum browning of the filet. You may lose a few to spontaneous combustion, but that's all part of the process.
Practice, practice, practice. A veritable unlimited market for these fish, waiting for an entrepreneur with vision. It's not too late for you to get in on the ground floor. We can nuke your pond, dispose of those smallies, and restock with the mallowchirus in short order. $$$
Lewis & Clark on their expedition of the future western states were starving and freezing from the winter cold. They soon learned from the Indians (Native Americans for those insisting on being politically correct) to not waste time, energy and food by cleaning the rabbits they obtained. Instead threw the rabbits whole in the fire, cooked with the fur on and consumed them ala natural.
If it will work with a rabbit, ought to work with a HBG.
Lewis & Clark on their expedition of the future western states were starving and freezing from the winter cold. They soon learned from the Indians (Native Americans for those insisting on being politically correct) to not waste time, energy and food by cleaning the rabbits they obtained. Instead threw the rabbits whole in the fire, cooked with the fur on and consumed them ala natural.
If it will work with a rabbit, ought to work with a HBG.
I was reading on a web forum from Australia that they are raising guinea pigs as livestock for table fare. One method of cooking these delicacies is to toss them on the fire, fur and all! I suppose, but that just don't sound too appealing to me.
You ever look at your kids hamster or gerbil in a cage saying that might go well with some biscuits and gravy?
But I did have another kind of pig today for lunch.
Was invited to lunch at a local eatery here on Bonaire by a couple from Denmark we have known for a few years. The eatery is known for authentic Bonairean native food. It is located about a mile down a dirt road and is only open on weekends, but is very popular. We had to wait in line behind about ten people to get our order taken.
The menu, written on a blackboard, was in Papiamentu the local language. A very nice local man offered to interpret. One of the popular dishes was goat stew and another was a goat dinner. I had eaten the goat soup before and wanted to try something new.
One of the dishes was a pork soup (I would call their soups stew, but the word was sopa or soup), or at least that is what one of the words was soup and one translated to pork. That sounded safe enough so I ordered it.
Well when the soup came it was a very big bowl and very tasty. Had a starchy vegetable that tasted like a white sweet potato and a few other assorted vegetables. The broth was excellent. But when it came to the "pork" portion of the dish, they forgot all the good parts of the pig and what I quickly recognized by the texture and appearance of the so called meat was the cleaned innards of the pig. Yupp, gut soup. There was a piece or two of what looked like real meat that I ate and I even ate a piece or two of the intestine (just to be a good sport - our friends had paid for the meal and I did not want to appear ungrateful), but pretty much pushed it aside and ate the broth and vegetables. Cooked intestines just don't have the correct mouth feel for my tastes.
So much for going after the "safe" dish. Shoulda stuck with the roasted goat.
Been there my friend. In Singapore they call it "Pig part soup."
One man's "yuck" is another man's "Yum!"
Edit: I took some content out of this post. I found the experience I related totally revolting when I lived it and now, in retrospect, see no reason to make anyone else have to visualize it. My apologies to anyone that read it before I deleted it.
Applying what I've learned from PB in order to help solve everyday issues.
Problem: Ice cubes piping at the surface of this BOS. (Body of Soda)
Analysis: Upon sampling the BOS, I have discovered a layer of intensely flavored cherry syrup languishing near bottom of the soda column...short answer - the BOS is stratified, forcing the ice cubes to rise up to the surface.
Hypothesis: a thorough mixing of the soda column is needed immediately. My solution is bottom diffused aeration.
Installing proper aeration equipment:
Initiating airflow to induce mixing of the soda column:
The same BOS, now showing traces of the cherry syrup layer mixed throughout the entire soda column. Unfortunately, in my haste to correct the soda imbalance I did not utilize the correct aeration start-up procedure, and turned the entire BOS far too rapidly resulting in a cube kill - note that the cubes are floating belly up.
However, thanks to PB, I know where to go from here: Drain, refill, and begin anew.
Applying what I've learned from PB in order to help solve everyday issues.
Problem: Ice cubes piping at the surface of this BOS. (Body of Soda)
Analysis: Upon sampling the BOS, I have discovered a layer of intensely flavored cherry syrup languishing near bottom of the soda column...short answer - the BOS is stratified, forcing the ice cubes to rise up to the surface.
Hypothesis: a thorough mixing of the soda column is needed immediately. My solution is bottom diffused aeration.
Installing proper aeration equipment:
Initiating airflow to induce mixing of the soda column:
The same BOS, now showing traces of the cherry syrup layer mixed throughout the entire soda column. Unfortunately, in my haste to correct the soda imbalance I did not utilize the correct aeration start-up procedure, and turned the entire BOS far too rapidly resulting in a cube kill - note that the cubes are floating belly up.
However, thanks to PB, I know where to go from here: Drain, refill, and begin anew.
You have way too much free time on your hands. That's a good thing
What about the risk of loss of dissolved CO2 upon aeration start-up?
How does the viscosity of the cherry syrup contribute to the stratification, and how is this affected by the temperature of the near-freezing soda? In other words, how does your aeration plan change depending on whether the water is warm or cold?
I would suggest a stress test to determine current compressor capability, but the risk of a gasket failure might be too high. Do we have a backup to put in place quickly?
Just measured a similar compressor system here. Was at 23 cfm peak. but min psi.
Unfortunately, in my haste to correct the soda imbalance I did not utilize the correct aeration start-up procedure, and turned the entire BOS far too rapidly resulting in a cube kill - note that the cubes are floating belly up.
I would like to offer an alternate hypothesis to explain this rapid and untimely demise.
While it is certainly possible than an anoxic episode was responsible for this event, the species under study is known to be much more sensative to fluctuations in TEMPERATURE rather than to oxygen concentrations or even toxins such as hydrogen sulfide. Therefore, the sudden introduction of a large mass of superheated air, especially though an improperly sized delivery vehicle, could have warmed the fluid beyond it's inhabitants ability to compensate, resulting in rapid and irreversible damage and death.
One might argue that there is little evidence to support either hypothesis without data from autopsy. However, if one recalls the nature of the compressor, and the typically elevated temperature of its discharges, a very sound case can be made for this theory.
What about the risk of loss of dissolved CO2 upon aeration start-up?
How does the viscosity of the cherry syrup contribute to the stratification, and how is this affected by the temperature of the near-freezing soda? In other words, how does your aeration plan change depending on whether the water is warm or cold?
A valid concern, as the compressor's intake is located in very close proximity to the exhaust. Indeed, the off-gassing of CO2 upon beginning the aeration caused the compressor to sputter and cough, very nearly filling the intake with cherry soda. Some sort of backflow preventer may be in order.
I would suggest a stress test to determine current compressor capability, but the risk of a gasket failure might be too high. Do we have a backup to put in place quickly?
Just measured a similar compressor system here. Was at 23 cfm peak. but min psi.
Indeed, the compressor might well suffer some sort of mechanical failure. Repairs are prohibitively expensive, and often require a specialist to diagnose each sub-assembly. Complicated, apparently.
Unfortunately, in my haste to correct the soda imbalance I did not utilize the correct aeration start-up procedure, and turned the entire BOS far too rapidly resulting in a cube kill - note that the cubes are floating belly up.
I would like to offer an alternate hypothesis to explain this rapid and untimely demise.
While it is certainly possible than an anoxic episode was responsible for this event, the species under study is known to be much more sensative to fluctuations in TEMPERATURE rather than to oxygen concentrations or even toxins such as hydrogen sulfide. Therefore, the sudden introduction of a large mass of superheated air, especially though an improperly sized delivery vehicle, could have warmed the fluid beyond it's inhabitants ability to compensate, resulting in rapid and irreversible damage and death.
One might argue that there is little evidence to support either hypothesis without data from autopsy. However, if one recalls the nature of the compressor, and the typically elevated temperature of its discharges, a very sound case can be made for this theory.
I wish you had weighed in earlier Yolk, before rigor mortis clamped it's frozen fingers around the inhabitants crystalline corpses. So you think a compressor issue is the cause of death? Strange, I never made the connection.
But you agree that the inhabitants have expired?
Very reassuring. Vindication via the viceroy of vitellus...excellent.
I would suggest a stress test to determine current compressor capability, but the risk of a gasket failure might be too high. Do we have a backup to put in place quickly?
Just measured a similar compressor system here. Was at 23 cfm peak. but min psi.
Indeed, the compressor might well suffer some sort of mechanical failure. Repairs are prohibitively expensive, and often require a specialist to diagnose each sub-assembly. Complicated, apparently.
Yes, I believe it is more compicated than realized. Akin to changing the rings on an internal combustion motor while it is still running.....
I would suggest a stress test to determine current compressor capability, but the risk of a gasket failure might be too high. Do we have a backup to put in place quickly?
Just measured a similar compressor system here. Was at 23 cfm peak. but min psi.
Indeed, the compressor might well suffer some sort of mechanical failure. Repairs are prohibitively expensive, and often require a specialist to diagnose each sub-assembly. Complicated, apparently.
Forget temperature and aeration. No, the true killer is obvious: pH shock. The icefish were probably used to neutral levels, around 7 pH. When the dark liquids of this BOS inundated them, they were suddenly thrust into an environment full of phosphoric and carbonic acids, with an estimated pH of between 2.5 and 4.2.
Here at B&B farms, we're always on the lookout for great tasting, healthy snacks. With the fall season in full swing, we decided to turn our hybridization talents towards developing a new twist on that old favorite, the crisp, autumn apple.
I'm pleased to say our efforts have yielded fruit, no pun intended, on our very first attempt. One part apple, one part tetraodontiforme, we proudly present the FujiFugu. Half the calories, twice the protein, all the nail-biting suspense during and after consumption.
Heck, here I thought you were able to cross an apple with a rabbit that would allow you to keep it on the tree during the winter. The fur would keep it warm.
The great maggot migration of 2015 is underway. Okay, so maybe this particular herald of the approaching winter isn't likely to stir the soul in quite the same manner as watching a formation of geese winging their way southward would, but it's significant nonetheless.
For several years now, I have marveled at the lowly maggot's ability to not only discern the passage of seasons, but to acknowledge the need to come together in regiments of a thousand individuals, act in unison to spin a ziplock cocoon, and insert themselves into a cardboard container addressed to some hayseed in Indiana.
It's their single-minded dedication that intrigues me. They don't ponder the merits of CNBG vs. northern strain, or argue the case for pond dye over a planktonic bloom. Discussions about founding fathers, EPA mandates, whitetail management, the effect of 862,256,234,471 Gizzard Shad in some Indiana Lake, and how the Amish see to read at night never take place. Instead they simply heed the call. That powerful compulsion that drives them to migrate south, from Wisconsin to Indiana, in order to complete their life cycle. In short, they have come here to die.
Such is nature. Harsh, unrelenting, sharp and pointy, cold and wet. Glorious.
It's almost here boys. Sharpen the augers, charge the Vex, spool up with some fresh 1 lb line, and don't forget your picks. Stay topside, and stay on 'em.
What does the medical industry have in common with fishing?
They both use leaches and maggots.
The medical profession uses leaches to remove excess blood from wounds, maggots to eat dead flesh more accurately than a surgeon can remove it. Learned this from my diving buddy that happens to be a nurse. Call it leach therapy and maggot therapy.
Weird. I probably don't have to explain what they are used for in fishing.
.... For several years now, I have marveled at the lowly maggot's ability to not only discern the passage of seasons, but to acknowledge the need to come together in regiments of a thousand individuals, act in unison to spin a ziplock cocoon, and insert themselves into a cardboard container addressed to some hayseed in Indiana.
....
Mother Nature never ceases to amaze me on how her creatures evolve. Seems like it was jus a few years ago that maggot's cocoons had twist ties!
It's their single-minded dedication that intrigues me. They don't ponder the merits of CNBG vs. northern strain, or argue the case for pond dye over a planktonic bloom. Discussions about founding fathers, EPA mandates, whitetail management, the effect of 862,256,234,471 Gizzard Shad in some Indiana Lake, and how the Amish see to read at night never take place
Undoubtedly true, and an appropriate homage to their perspicacity, or perhaps admirable lack thereof.
However, I suspect that every maggot polled would be strongly against winter feeding.
However, I suspect that every maggot polled would be strongly against winter feeding.
Alas, I fear the strength of such resolute conviction even when on so united a front, will be no match for the tungsten bodied, laser sharpened eventuality that awaits.
Tony, that's pretty cool. There's this senior fellow that sells course ground corn meal at Canton every month, and he has a trailer with some kind of ancient portable gristmill on it. He sits and babies it all day long, and it's actually pretty cool to watch. Very little power, but lots of inertia. He wasn't at Canton last month, and I'm hoping he's still around. He's keeping a small bit of history alive.
FWIW I got curious so I read up on that catfish species. Common name is Gulp catfish (can't imagine why!). It's from South America and has a lower jaw like a trap door. The site I was reading stated it can eat fish nearly twice its own size!
Phil, I was watchin some cop/mystery/finally solved show the other night. It was about a kid that ingested too much GHB and died. At the time of his death there was no law against it cause it was a new home brew drug. The narrator was describing how and what it was made with. One of the main ingredient was Drano. Now I bet that would clean out the old pipes. Back in the day, ya were always takin a serious risk when doin basement produced drugs but Drano...really. Scott, very cool and creative snowmen. The mouth of the one on the left reminds of what I saw just before the last of my Koi ingested a 22 cal lead pellet. That thing had ingested many Purina pellets prior to it's farewell.
When I was 2, I got into the Drano. My Dad rushed me to the hospital in his 63 Plymouth. Only thing I remember about that is puking all over him and the car pulling out of the driveway.
Then there was the time I got into a bottle of aspirin...
I do remember ALL of the cabinets in the house were locked after that!
Well, Dad soon realized he had to lock up his tools as well
I'm sure that was a thought at the time, but my uncle had a talk with me after the hammer and nail incident, but the big one was hanging out in the closet in my bedroom with my brother and burning up all of Dad's smokes. That hurt a bit on the backside! I remember it was leather on a 5yo tush.
Now a days, you can just report to the freaks if you don't get the McDonald's Happy Meal when passing by the golden arches and toss your parents in jail.
Phil, I hear ya on the NO tolerance for any punishment. Seems like the lack of parental attention and punishment just sets the kids up for a harder fall later on. Yrs back, I was takin a smart arse nephew to a hockey game. He did something I didn't like so I backhanded him. Not hard, just enough ta let him know that poor behavior would be rewarded with a negative situation for him. He sneered at me and said "I'm gonn sue ya". My first reaction was a hardy laugh. Then I told him ta check with his dad and he would find out that it's useless ta sue someone who has nothing. Dumb as he was, I think he got it.
10 years or so ago we were on vacation with several other families. In the group was a mother and son from Germany. Her son was bigger than the rest of the kids and proceeded to bully them by hitting or pushing them down. Every time, his mother would jump up and say "Accident, it's ok" and then buy the brat a new toy. I walked into a room one day just as the brat came up to my son and pushed him down. Without thinking the flat of my hand met that brat's backside. The mother jumped up and before she said a word I said, "No, it wasn't an accident! I saw the whole thing." The mother was outraged and you could have heard a pin drop in the room, then my SIL started clapping, then all the other parents joined in! The mother and son packed up and left the next morning. I was told later that it is against the law in Germany to spank a child. Lucky for me, we weren't in Germany!
Well, my Dad was in a work camp in Germany after the mustache took their farm. Their take on spanking at the time was with copious amounts of lead while you are lined up on the edge of a trench.
I was never a brat like you speak of, but a very curious person that just had to get into stuff to see what's up.
Dad learned one day when I was about 9 or so that his Century battery charger burns 6013 rod just fine. OOPS
Never got hand spanked, but that leather belt around my Dad's waist wasn't there to hold his pant's up!
I turned out about as messed up as everyone else. Well, maybe better
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You'll only loose a few brain cells watching this. It wont hurt that much 
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