Just kidding. I'm going to be around to torment all of you for a long time.
In seriousness, I just wanted to thank all of the forum members for the time they take to post. I really enjoy informative posts, opinion posts, humorous posts, controversial posts, question posts....I love it all and I think everybody here (that means EVERYBODY) deserves a hand for participating. I have owned land for almost eight years now, and I feel like 2006 is really the first year that I enter with an intelligable plan. The stimulating discusion is something that I credit entirely for anything that I may end up doing right this year. I'll screw some things up too, but y'all will be there to bail me out.
Thanks again. Much appreciation.
Bruce
Bruce, the screw ups are called experiments and character builders.
"2006 is really the first year that I enter with an intelligable plan"
Let's not fool ourselves now.
I have the same feelings Bruce. I thoroughly enjoy reading your informative posts! Thanks to you also.
Now, which way does Sunil mean that?
"I feel 2006 is really the first year that I enter with an intelligable plan."
Must be nice. I haven't reached that level yet.
All the success I have is purely accidental. I'm serious. I can't count how many things have worked out due to happy accidents, and when I plan what I am going to do it doesn't work out!
I'm glad I didn't have the funds in the beginning ot do what I wanted to. It would have been one big cluster chuck! I now know better now. But I am learning. Look out Bruce!
Bruce is getting sentimental on us. He must be "on that gas" again. Somebody, turn off the gas.
I'm gonna go out on a limb here. I don't think it's the gas this time. I think today was Bruce's day off. The weather may have been too bad to be outdoors.
No, I'd say it's half cabin fever, half J.D., and half loneliness.
Bruce aahh I mean Black Jack Kidd :
It has been a good past year.
Thanks for all you add to this forum ,from pirates to cannibal YP in po-boy RAS , from toothed Condello BG to sweeper nozzles and least we forget all the sunfish id posts and much more. Keep on sailin on that boogie board skif.
Maybe it's seasonal affective disorder. I know I suffer from it in winter unless I can get out and icefish. But do we have good ice?N0OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOOOO SIRREEEEE!
THANK YOOOOOOOUUUUUU GLOBAL WARMING!
I CAN'T TAKE IT!
I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE.
I'M GONNA MAKE MY OWN ICE.
YEAH THAT'S WHAT I'LL DO.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!That won't work. The icemaker's too small! :rolleyes: NO WAIT, I'VE GOT THAT ELECTROSHOCKER NOW. I'LL GO OUT AND SHOCK THOSE LITTLE -ASTERDS UP. YEAAAAHHHHHHHH. He He.
Sorry got a little carried away there.
That might be Cecil's funniest post ever! You can almost see him teetering on the edge. He's one step away from sitting in the corner chattering like a raccoon.
And I just thought CB1 grabbed both ends of the electrofishing unit at the same time.
Originally posted by Bruce Condello:
That might be Cecil's funniest post ever! You can almost see him teetering on the edge. He's one step away from sitting in the corner chattering like a raccoon.
Cecil looks for spy camera that Bill Cody planted last time he was here...
You know, with me getting all sentimental, how can you not reflect back on some of the classic posts of 2005.
We all remember how Theo discovered after years of problems, that horse tanks hold water more effectively when the open end is pointed up.
And who could forget Bill Cody, who informed us that every time he ran his aerator for 30 minutes that he was projected half an hour into the future. That kind of thing is just priceless.
And what about our friend Sunil? His classic post, when he told us that he could make better decisions on pond management by lining the entire inside of his house with aluminum foil. I mean really! Where else can you get this kind of information.
And then there's ewest. He may have saved us all hundreds of hours of frustration when he posted a link, that led to another link, that led back to the first link. He went round and round for days before a passerby pulled him free. Had he not informed us of this potential problem....well, who knows the tragic consequences?
http://www.pondboss.com/cgi-bin/ubbcgi/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=20&t=002291 There have been countless posts, by countless caring pondmesiters that make this forum what it is. I tip my hat to all of you.
Does anybody remember any more of the classics?
That's great!
Read Nick Smith's post below.
Nick Smith
Lunker
Member # 20
Member Rated:
posted August 23, 2004 12:27 PM
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News to me. I have never heard of using Ammonia Nitrate to assist in digging a pond. The only way that I could imagine that happening would be to dig a deep hole with post hole diggers and shovels. Go down about 20 feet, pour in a mixture of diesel and ammonia nitrate. Stick in a fuse. Light it and run.
You should hear a loud boom, and see a lot of dirt flying in the air. The sheriff will drive up and say, "Why are you laying out here in this pasture smoking?" To which you will reply, "Shucks officer, had you been here five minutes ago, you would have seen me while I was still on fire." Then, after coming home from the hospital, you will have a small pond. Not to mention a lot of broken windows and deaf cattle.
That is the only what that I could see that ammonia nitrate could help you dig a pond.
--------------------
Nick Smith
Neat trick Bruce. The only thing I recall going round and round were the sweeper nozzles and maybe the boiled YP. :p
I recall the post recently by Al ( see pg 7 this thread) with the link to the spanish jumping fish clip and someones reference to copperheadedrattlemoccasin and best of all " Global warming and the Pirates of the Carrib." Theo's longhaired and new fish specie posts were classic. We should start a PB posts hall of Fame/shame.
You know about the ammonia nitrate thing you remind me of something that really happened. My dad was in a U.S. Army engineering battalion back in the 50's and he was in charge of blowing up ice jams on the Rhine River in Germany. I guess he got a little carried away one day and blew out windows for miles!
ewest is right....I don't how many of these bloopers and pond'isms are out there, but the few highlites listed here had me crackin' up good. They need to be collected. I still laff out loud when I think about Theo's dramatic discovery of strange new fish species....the Golden Shriner is a fav!
PB News, Christmas Edition by Theo
(I really thought this was the Bill Duggan thread when I opened it.
)
Your welcome, Bruce, and thanks to you and everyone else for all of your posts.
Oh, by the way, don't forget to put the neckbolts in when you assemble this year's Frankenfish. :p
I almost forgot about Dr. Frankenbruce . That was a good one also.
First post to id that famous Dr.
http://www.pondboss.com/ubb/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=14;t=000185;p=1 posted August 12, 2005 11:28 AM
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From BG to bone crusher in 4 generations . That is genetic change at warp 10 . Where is that Dr. Frankenbruce !!!! ewest
My feelings are still hurt that Theo didn't respond to me naming my yellow perch video after his idea. :p
I'm terribly sorry I didn't comment, Bruce, just as I am terribly proud to have coined the term "Po'Boy RAS" and then have you use it at WiperCentral.
"Po'Boy RAS", by the way, is a registered trademark owned by Von Trapp Family Idiots Ltd., a division of Gallus Inc. Our lawyers will be contacting your lawyers. :p
:p
What you may not know is that I coined the acronym BMOC in 1967.
Forres...Forres Guhump
"burgermeister on campus"?
Bowel Movement On Call
This was the original trade name for what is now known as Ex-Lax.
Remember "Animals" ?, He did kinda get picked on, but I had to laugh.
Ok i will stay.But i think i have changed my mind and i am starting to show chickens and i could still take help so maybe when i get to wanting to get one.I will stay here and post.Thanks for all ya'lls help.Thanks.
--------------------
Animals
Ok im done here.Oh yes i do like chickens and yes that is my hobby and i think chickens are fun.oh and to you who badmouthed chickens this is no joke.I am login off so BYE.
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Animals
Goodby, Animals. Perhaps you can visit again later and, hopefully, you will bring a semblance of a sense of humor with you.
Actually, you would probably have gotten little help with chickens on this site. In fact, all I know about chickens is that some dogs like them. Strangely, I learned this from a ten year old boy who told me "I had a chicken oncet but the dog et it."
--------------------
Dudley Landry
Didn't "Animals" want to raise LMB, in his house no less?
"burgermeister" on campus.
Originally posted by Sunil:
Bowel Movement On Call
This was the original trade name for what is now known as Ex-Lax.
BS
No, really, I was playing FB in JC and started BMOC and we all started calling each other this. A few months later a cologne came out and movie with the acronym in it. My 15 seconds of fame. No cash, though.
And, no, I didn't inhale.
Wood, good memory about Animals. I forgot about that one. What page is that thread on?
BM, so what does BMOC mean?
Sorry, but I couldn't help but list my farewell to Animals which was posted just after Dudley's post listed above.
"Sorry to see you go, Animals.
You were in pole position to earn the first annual dum-bass award!
The up side is now you are free to pursue "the chicken's hit" award!
Good luck and best wishes."
OK. Big Man on Campus. Got it.
That was really funny, too. Almost as funny as your aluminum foil post.
Bruce, I don't believe I can take credit for the aluminum foil thing. It wasn't me.
Ok, I'll admit it, when I had hair it was blond.
Some of this stuff is flying right over my head!
Sunil I was scratching my head on the aluminum foil thing too! Although I have to admit it sounded like you.
Jeeesh Bruce....I'm lookin at your posting times. You must be runnin' to the 'puter between patients. Do you change your latex gloves between posts?
OK, let's review...
Originally posted by Bruce Condello:
You know, with me getting all sentimental, how can you not reflect back on some of the classic posts of 2005.
We all remember how Theo discovered after years of problems, that horse tanks hold water more effectively when the open end is pointed up.
NEVER HAPPENNED
And who could forget Bill Cody, who informed us that every time he ran his aerator for 30 minutes that he was projected half an hour into the future. That kind of thing is just priceless.
NEVER SAID IT
And what about our friend Sunil? His classic post, when he told us that he could make better decisions on pond management by lining the entire inside of his house with aluminum foil. I mean really! Where else can you get this kind of information.
NOT REAL
And then there's ewest. He may have saved us all hundreds of hours of frustration when he posted a link, that led to another link, that led back to the first link. He went round and round for days before a passerby pulled him free. Had he not informed us of this potential problem....well, who knows the tragic consequences?
NOPE, THIS ONE NEVER...
http://www.pondboss.com/cgi-bin/ubbcgi/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=20&t=002291
There have been countless posts, by countless caring pondmesiters that make this forum what it is. I tip my hat to all of you.
Does anybody remember any more of the classics? I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW PLEASED I AM WITH MYSELF THAT SOMEONE BELIEVED THIS!
Brettski!,
No work today. Had continuing education, and they let us out early.
Is it groundhog day already? I keep having this eerie feeling like I've been here before....
Well Bruce, I think I can speak for many when I say it makes us happy to make you happy!
BTW, what are you on anyway?
Bruce is like staying ahead of all the other twisted PB minds all working together. It's impressive and a little scary at the same time.
I think I'm jealous.
Theo- You have nothing to be jealous about, In my opinion you are the most twisted Pond Boss of them all!
Great comedy everyone, I blew coffee all over my computer screen this morning. I like this thread:
http://www.pondboss.com/ubb/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=4;t=000109 I get visions of Dave Davidson tar and feathering Theo with Cormorant feathers!
You guys produce the best laughs in months. Thanks.
You're right Bill, & I especially like this comment by Theo:
DD:
So many muffins, so few meadows.
:D
OK, Here's Bill Cody's funniest REAL post ever. Read his response to my post...
Posted by Bruce Condello:
posted September 19, 2004 12:01 AM
After hinting to my wife that I might try my hand at raising some red wigglers she invoked the little known “Invertebrate Clause” of our prenuptial agreement, which reads as follows:
“Except as otherwise provided in this Agreement, the undersigned party hereby waives, releases and relinquishes any and all right, title or interest whatsoever in the possession of, within the boundaries of said home or dwelling, any and all invertebrates, including, but not limited to crickets, grasshoppers, crayfish, mollusks, scuds, night crawlers, red wigglers (heretofore known as the “Cadillac of Worms”), mayflies, dragonflies, damselflies, or leeches for any reason including, but not limited to, use for capturing fish, or production of additional bait items through reproduction of said invertebrate.
No exemption shall be provided from said limitation through use of Ziploc and, or paper bags within any household appliance used for refrigeration of common food items and use of said appliance to house invertebrates shall warrant a breach of contract by the undersigned party.”
This wording was found right after the part about fidelity and right before the section on use of kitchen for filleting fish.
Bill Cody
Lunker
Member # 24
Member Rated:
posted September 19, 2004 03:58 PM
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Bruce - I got a visitor and had to preempt my earlier post. The prenuptial says household appliance for refrigeration of common food items. Assuming common means general household/kitchen. Your loophole is to buy your own used refrigerator or better yet buy your wife a new frig. ,,, and use the old one in the garage for your refreshments, bait and etc. Depending on one's definition of home or dwelling and if it does not include the garage with home/dwelling, then you can put the bait frig in the garage. If the agreement includes garage in with the home/dwelling then you will need to house the extra frig in a shed or out building. PS :: Remind your wife that shrimp, crab meat, clams or oysters from the market are included in the dreaded "invertebrates" category and the agreement has probably already been previously broken. Another taboo item that probably occurs in many wild caught fish (even from markets) more than realized is the rare incidental parasite that occassionally occur in fish flesh/fillets. These too are invertebrates and contribute to a previous violation of the agreement. Often these are very inconspicuous and always harmless when fish is cooked. Also the prenuptial does not specify dead or living invertebrates. Loopholes . Note: I realize this may not be a real serious topic/thread - LOL. All wives have to be pretty tolerant to be married to a serious fisherman.
Theo,
Bruce has been particularly nice to me from day one. As I am pretty new to PB exposure; should I be exercising any level of concern? He is so darn likeable! Is there any risk of mental recruitment? I shudder to think of an entire race of pond-owners with perfect, porcelain teeth, all commited to do the bidding of a madman in an aqua labcoat!
I like this one about the spider holes because I laughed so much trying to write it with visions of frozen pirate's feet stuck to the ice covered pond.
http://www.pondboss.com/ubb/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=20;t=002231;p=2
I'm doing an on-line toast to you gentlemen as I type this.
Cheers!
Guys I just wanted you to know I have nothing important or amusing to say, but I think I am actually losing weight laughing so hard at this thread.
Thanks for starting it Bruce (I missed out on most of the year's comments).
Deb
Originally posted by Brettski:
Theo,
Bruce has been particularly nice to me from day one. As I am pretty new to PB exposure; should I be exercising any level of concern? He is so darn likeable! Is there any risk of mental recruitment? I shudder to think of an entire race of pond-owners with perfect, porcelain teeth, all commited to do the bidding of a madman in an aqua labcoat!
brettski -
don't worry - you will be one of us soon - do not try to fight it - the master is merciful - he gives us special cans of diet mountan dew to make us do his bidding - it is all so beautiful - look i have no cavities
igor #6
After posting last night, I fell asleep and had a terrible nightmare. All I can remember is laying back in a big mint green plastic recliner, a light socket pull chain was wrapped around my neck with a paper towel hanging on my chest, and I was scared stiff, hypnotized by the bright light shining into my face! I woke up, slumped over my computer keyboard and sweating. When I opened up my email, I found 37 new emails from Ebay indicating that I was the winner, purchasing every "Buy it now" option of Sonic-care toothbrushes on the entire site! What is going on?
Brettski :
That is an easy one to answer. You are suffering the first symptoms of the life threating bite of a toothed Condello strain BG. Originally created by Dr. Frankenbruce to lure new dental clients based on thier fabulous teeth they are now out of control after chewing off the legs of igor # 3 when he stepped into their pond to pull out the good Dr. who fell in while wildly LOL about his creation. They are the first species that can make contact (move through phone/cable lines) to attack unsuspecting PB'ers. Sorry about your condition but many of us suffer from it and continue to post with less than full mental capicity.
:p
ps : That is why many of us are concerned about Dr. F's (new good term for him) new creation the cannibal YP who we think may not need lines to attack PBers and can function in cold temps. They seen to have a paranormal ability after escaping the boiled alive event. Deb where are you and your crew of paranormal seekers, we have a job for you in Neb.
Help us before these two strains of BG and YP cross and all hope is lost.
I figure if life was really fair, we would have all been born with stainless steel teeth, flexible waist lines (come to think of it, mine is), Aquaview vision, and firmly rooted hair.
Oh yeah, I forgot about daughters that believe that Dad knows what he is talking about.
Now you need to worry Brettski. You have contracted Condelepathytism. It is an wide spreading case of a mixture of telepathy and hypnotism (among PB members) that comes from reading at least 9 of Bruce’s posts in one day. I am currently doing heavy research on this disorder, but so far have not come up with a plausible “how” to his methods? My best guess is he somehow is capable of reading your every thought once you have followed his posts, and then he simply induces a “fog like” state upon you through subliminal PC hypnosis. At that point he is in control of your every dental making decision. It happened to me one night, and I did not realize it until UPS brought me 14 lbs of dental floss that I had “ordered” from Amazon with express delivery. Then there was the incident with the flatbed order of mouthwash. That one really tapped my checkbook. Still gives me nightmares.
The only way to combat this disorder is to stop reading Bruce’s posts at #8 each day. I will continue research and get back to you.
Theo, nice porcelain caps dude.
Ewest that is a better hypothesis than mine. I will pack my gear, round up the team, and be there shortly. This most surely reeks of paranormal activity. A deep fried YP is sure to have cadavor anger.
Thanks Deb just don't let them put the Dr.'s gas mask on you or step in the water with those BG and avoid the YP fog.
Here is another funny :
Sunil ...says
I also believe that the SMB is the smartest fish in the world, and should have a seat in the highest levels of Local, State, and National U.S. Government.
ewest..posted
Sunil :
Your SMB sure are smart. They were center stage on TV and there are a lot of people who try and can't do that. I guess that makes them smarter than a lot of the Hollywood crowd.
Sunil ...replies
ewest, it's funny you mention that because one of my smallies just won a spelling bee against Cameron Diaz! I am so proud.
Now, several of my SMB are in training to try out for Jeopardy. They wanted to be on Wheel of Fortune, but I convinced them that they couldn't spin the wheel.
Dave Davidson .. adds
Sunil, there is nothing smart about running for governmental office. First, they would have to go to law school. Then, if that didn't work out, they could go into politics.
http://www.pondboss.com/ubb/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=5;t=000379;p=9
Oh... I received a mask in the mail Thursday with a postmark from Nebraska. Haven't had the time to try it out though. Thanks for the heads up Eric.
I THINK(?) I had one "funny" this year.
Bruce\'s attack I know Condello enjoyed it (but then again it could have been the gas issue again).
DON'T PUT IT ON, DEB! I received a gas mask also, sent from the office of your concerned Congressman SMB of Nebraska. While the enclosed memo indicates that it should be gathered with water, canned goods, and an electric toothbrush in case of a terrorist attack, I have serious doubts.
And to think we trusted these guys with our ponds. Now we know it is just a political conspiracy to infiltrate terroristic cannibal YP.
Ha fearless leaders, Brettski and I are now on to you.
Brettski are you rationed-up for the impending attack?
By all means DON'T take the electric toothbrush underground. The YP will track the vibronic (is that even a word) waves and getcha.
Amidst all these funny posts, we've almost completely ignored a parallel thread going on right now, which is Cecil's "Blow-up doll girlfriend" ice shanty. If that isn't a sign of cabin fever, I don't know what is. It's like a guy who loves to snow ski, but doesn't have any snow, so he starts covering his lawn with cotton balls. That thread and this one are sure signs that we're not getting out enough!
We await your command to attack Cecil like the flying monkeys on the Wizard of Oz. I stand poised, with toothbrush in hand....just give the word...
(ohh wee ohh...ohhhh, ohhhh)
Originally posted by Brettski:
After posting last night, I fell asleep and had a terrible nightmare. All I can remember is laying back in a big mint green plastic recliner, a light socket pull chain was wrapped around my neck with a paper towel hanging on my chest, and I was scared stiff, hypnotized by the bright light shining into my face! I woke up, slumped over my computer keyboard and sweating. When I opened up my email, I found 37 new emails from Ebay indicating that I was the winner, purchasing every "Buy it now" option of Sonic-care toothbrushes on the entire site! What is going on? Apparently you didn't get the message about drinking the Kool-Aid.
AAAHHHHHH! It's the (gulp) Kool-Aid. *hickup*
Bruce wrote:
Amidst all these funny posts, we've almost completely ignored a parallel thread going on right now, which is Cecil's "Blow-up doll girlfriend" ice shanty.
(in your best "Yooper" voice): Yah hey d'ere, and she looks like a good strudy woman, eh? Cri-mo-nee d'ere Cecil, be careful wit'cher filet knife!
Oh gawd..."chattering like a racoon..." Man, I think I peed my pants just a little bit there...
Here is another funny post on dam beaver :
http://www.pondboss.com/ubb/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=3;t=000091;p=1#000004 If you find a funny PB post add it here so maybe we can find it again.
[ January 24, 2006, 10:01 PM: Message edited by: ewest ]
Here is another funny thread with pics. starting with Theo's Fridge/Dew test and running through the birth of the Coonhoundello fishing dog species and including the TV cat and its diploid/triploid offspring.
http://www.pondboss.com/cgi-bin/ubbcgi/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=20;t=002339;p=1
http://forums.pondboss.com/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=63675&page=1
OH’ man you guys know how to make a guy feel better! I have really felt BAD about stealing the frog! Now I feel privileged ,due to the amphibian theft!
Thanks for updating this collection and bringing it up again, Eric. I had forgotten how hilarious and LONG the Diet Dew Addict Identifridge Contest was. Especially when Bruce's left ear got editted with an Etch-a-Sketch!
Guys don't forget this funnies thread. The master has directed us to add the good ones here so we can find them later. I know there are some good ones that need to be added and I could use some help in finding them and keeping it in tip top shape as ordered. I am adding them as located with a short description like Pirates and global warming.
http://www.pondboss.com/ubb/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=10;t=000155;p=1#000000
Sunil's canoe flipped by navy frogmen.
Sunil
Lunker
Member # 785
posted June 19, 2006 05:17 PM
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Ah yes, "insurance in case something weird happens.."
The first year we owned our pond, my friend and I were out on the canoe at around 1AM. It was about 45 degrees outside, and the water temps were maybe low 50's. At this time of night, we were not fishing, but instead just drinking, etc.
My friend is about 225 lbs. compared to my 155 lbs. He's in the front of the canoe.
Next thing I know, the canoe starts hard rocking from side to side, and then in the drink we go. That cold water is pretty exhilirating when you dont' expect it.
I did have a moment of fear as the many layers of clothing I was wearing got soaked through. We were in about 15' of water, and I was shocked for a moment, before I swam for shore.
In the end, CSI determined that it was not our fault at all, but instead that Navy Seal Team 6 was on night manuevers, and sabotaged our ship. My friend swears that when he was underwater, he came face to face with a frog-man, and had to grapple & fight for his life.
--------------------
Pond Boss Subscriber & Books Owner
"If I don't see you no more on this world, I'll meet you on the next one, and don't be late...........don't be late."
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Posts: 1119 | From: Somerset, PA | Registered: Sep 2003 | IP: Logged |
I hope you guys realize that I'm hurt that the angry redear thread doesn't merit thread status.
I think I'll start a new thread entitled "My white crappie are embezzling from me".
Bruce, find it and put it in there. You have one of the 'majic keys'. Dont be modest. I thought it was great. Cecil trying to identify the celestial object was also good.
He never did admit it was a streetlight, did he?
Guys please feel free to add posts or links here. I am not the arbiter of all things funny. Bruce I have been counting on you in the past to make the choice. I will add the really
RES thread.
Angry -
mean RES thread by Bruce.
http://www.pondboss.com/ubb/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=5;t=000465;p=1
Originally posted by ewest:
...I am not the arbiter of all things funny.
I vote to make ewest the arbiter of all things funny.
Anybody else on board with that?
:p
....I'm crackin' up at the thought! Kinda like Jerry Lewis meets Simon Cowell.
Brettski you could take charge of the funnies. Anyone who could come up with the pic and dialog below has my vote.
"Bob, grab ahold o' Shorty's melon...Quit squirmin' Mutton-head....before Debbie starts thinkin' the Condello practice is run by a stooge..."
From this thread - Bob goes to Neb.
http://www.pondboss.com/ubb/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=20;t=002368;p=1
Originally posted by Bruce Condello:
I vote to make ewest the arbiter of all things funny.
Anybody else on board with that?
:p I nominate Brettski for
Tirebiter of all things funny.
Once Cecil posted a pic of him holding a super trout, and could only comment that he looked like a hungover Canook, funny part was he did. My other fav was someone asked what everybody had named their pond boats. Dr.C stated he did not have a boat, but if he did, he'd name it Fecund Scud. Simply hillarious. Please keep em comin.
Originally posted by Theo Gallus:
He never did admit it was a streetlight, did he?
Well you know funny you say that Theo. When I was a kid in Massachusetts I got a telescope for Christmas. I remember accidentally training it on a street lamp and noting how remarkably similar the light looked like the surface of the moon. I got it in my head that maybe the telescope was rigged and our moon landing was a conspiracy!
OK I think this is the one. If not let me know.
Tin-foil hats and lunar visions started by CB1.
http://www.pondboss.com/ubb/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=20;t=002726;p=1#000000
Dont you guys have ponds to Seine or fish?
Lay off the Diet Dew
Ewest and Theo are too kind:
Brettski you could take charge of the funnies.....I nominate Brettski for Tirebiter of all things funny.
I am truly honored by your support and the smatter of applause, but I admittedly fall short of the required qualifications of such a highly revered position within the PB community. For every good yuk that I have mustered, there is a plethora of lead balloons stabled within the archives of this forum. Let's face it; Dr Burgermeister broke new medical therapeutic ground with his cyber-diagnosis of my ailment, Pointy Hat Syndrome (PHS). This disease in itself consumes much of my time as I am unable to fit my PC into the corner of the room. I think Donna, the boss, sums it up well: "Honey, your comic shtick comes off like it's surrounded by a thin, thin, thin 16 millimeter shell...and inside, it's delicious!" (Theo will understand
)
The streetlight gazing topic needs Brettski's theory of what Cecil's object was, before he sent it to the bit bucket. You remember, Brettski, 'it may well have been (your 3rd largest, or 7th planet from the sun'. Please dont relapse, this is good therapy.
Dr Burger,
I may have posted an astrologically correct anal ysis of Cecil's heavenly epiphany, but the dynamic ramifications of misinterpretation far outweigh the scientific value of the hypothesis. (In other words, I didn't wanna get banned).
In fact, I still have the shoes with the bottoms burnt off that I was wearing the night you heroically pulled my feet from the fire!
Ahh, Yes - the return of the larval trawlers.
At Bill's admonition and Bruce's suggestion I have moved the following from the BG stunting up north thread and put an edited portion here here as a PB funny.
Theo Gallus
Moderator
Member # 1187
Member Rated:
posted July 07, 2006 11:43 PM
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.... pertinent factor for comparison with the "Northern" vs "Southern" differences us Easterners have.
Or, to quote Robert Duvall in Days of Thunder: "If you're from California, you're not a Yankee. If you're from California, you're not anything."
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Non carborundum illegitimatus!
(totus res in temperantia)
Bruce Condello
Moderator
Member # 1379
Member Rated:
posted July 08, 2006 10:55 AM
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Well, let's briefly look at what fish are available to crop off excess bluegill YOY's in regards to region.
"Northern" predators
6. Homo Sapiens--Much more effective at controlling larger adult fish. Often humans will skew bluegill populations towards smaller adult fish
"Southern" predators
4. Homo Sapiens--Most southern anglers have absolutely no idea how to catch a bluegill...or anything for that matter. Have been known to spend hours trying to catch fish at their ponds only to realize they left their fishing equipment at home. Southern humans also tend to stunt. Researchers note that southern ponds are often completely surrounded by fisherman that rarely exceed three feet tall.
...ooops. Did I just say that out loud?
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Posts: 1872 | From: Denton, NE | Registered: Aug 2004 | IP: Logged |
Dave Davidson1
Moderator
Member # 2431
Member Rated:
posted July 08, 2006 11:52 AM
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Well said and unfortunately true,Bruce. You know, when I was a Kid, the average Texan went about 6'4" and had a really high IQ. Everybody was a great fisherman and a dead shot with any type of weapon. Then Northern immigration got underway and the inevitable bloodline mixing occurred. Now, we are a lot shorter and dumber.
I saw something in the newspaper the other day. The Texas State INS rooted out an undercover OKIE who had been passing as a resident for 20 years. He had been taking remedial schooling to prep for kindergarten. They tried to deport him but Oklahoma refused to take him back. Attempts to slip him into N.Mex, Arkansas and Louisiana also failed. Finally, some Liberal, non working, do gooders in Nebraska took him in. It is my understanding that the move raised the IQ level of both Texas and Nebraska.
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It's not about the fish. It's about the pond. Take care of the pond and the fish will be fine. PB subscriber since before it was in color.
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Posts: 657 | From: Hurst & Bowie, Texas | Registered: Jan 2006 | IP: Logged |
Theo Gallus
Moderator
Member # 1187
Member Rated:
posted July 08, 2006 01:40 PM
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Attention Southern Anglers:
In exchange for safe passage from the M-D Line to Arlington and back next March, I will provide Bruce's room number.
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Non carborundum illegitimatus!
(totus res in temperantia)
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Posts: 2187 | From: Central Ohio | Registered: May 2004 | IP: Logged |
ewest
Moderator
Member # 1798
posted July 08, 2006 02:34 PM
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Bruce we must be good at attracting and catching Yankees because there are a bunch of them moving down here. BTW Neb is western not northern. Big difference. I here you guys and Colo. are good at attracting left coasters (Calif.) as they rent u-hauls and move out.
Theo no safe passage needed you guys are welcome anytime. We may not know how to catch fish but no one does a PB convention/meeting as well.
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Ichthyusiasts read Pond Boss Magazine
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Sunil
Lunker
Member # 785
posted July 08, 2006 05:26 PM
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I demand a North vs. South paintball battle as a side event during next years meeting.
Theo, don't be a turncoat! We'll take Condello & the other Nebraskans as Northerners. We also get all participants from Thailand.
Man.........We gonna mess you up!!!!!!!!
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Pond Boss Subscriber & Books Owner
"If I don't see you no more on this world, I'll meet you on the next one, and don't be late...........don't be late."
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Posts: 1146 | From: Somerset, PA | Registered: Sep 2003 | IP: Logged |
Dave Davidson1
Moderator
Member # 2431
Member Rated:
posted July 08, 2006 06:01 PM
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Guns or wrist rockets? I have both.
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It's not about the fish. It's about the pond. Take care of the pond and the fish will be fine. PB subscriber since before it was in color.
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Posts: 657 | From: Hurst & Bowie, Texas | Registered: Jan 2006 | IP: Logged |
Sunil
Lunker
Member # 785
posted July 08, 2006 09:13 PM
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I said paintball Guvnor Davidson!! Not dueling!
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Pond Boss Subscriber & Books Owner
"If I don't see you no more on this world, I'll meet you on the next one, and don't be late...........don't be late."
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Posts: 1146 | From: Somerset, PA | Registered: Sep 2003 | IP: Logged |
ewest
Moderator
Member # 1798
posted July 08, 2006 10:05 PM
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In the great southern tradition (like watermelon seed spiting and mullet tossing ) we can have a GSF chunking contest. See who can throw a wet 4 inch GSF the farthest.
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Ichthyusiasts read Pond Boss Magazine
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Posts: 2189 | From: Miss. | Registered: Mar 2005 | IP: Logged |
Bruce Condello
Moderator
Member # 1379
Member Rated:
posted July 08, 2006 10:09 PM
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...and a larval trawling tiebreaker.
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Posts: 1872 | From: Denton, NE | Registered: Aug 2004 | IP: Logged |
dave in el dorado ca
Lunker
Member # 2716
Member Rated:
posted July 08, 2006 10:31 PM
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quote:
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Originally posted by Theo Gallus:
DIED, I think the length of your growing season, particularly wrt pond water temps, would be the pertinent factor for comparison with the "Northern" vs "Southern" differences us Easterners have.
Or, to quote Robert Duvall in Days of Thunder: "If you're from California, you're not a Yankee. If you're from California, you're not anything."
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couple of humurous jabs at CA....begs a quick reply.....theo and ewest.....all i'll say is i'll have little to do with the majority of people in S.F. or L.A. (i hope they break off during an earthquake), and the more folks that leave the state the better....please take more.
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quote:
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Originally posted by ewest:
In the great southern tradition (like watermelon seed spiting and mullet tossing ) we can have a GSF chunking contest. See who can throw a wet 4 inch GSF the farthest.
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Mullet tossing? Up here, we tossed the mullet out years ago and have moved on to other bad haircuts.
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Theo I did not want to get further off topic so I added this edit. I was talking about the fish called mullet ( 6+ in long silver saltwater fish) not people with odd haircuts.
[ July 09, 2006, 08:13 AM: Message edited by: ewest ]
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Non carborundum illegitimatus!
(totus res in temperantia)
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Posts: 2187 | From: Central Ohio | Registered: May 2004 | IP: Logged |
Dave Davidson1
Moderator
Member # 2431
Member Rated:
posted July 08, 2006 10:50 PM
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Sunil, I'm also talking about paintballs. I have a gun and a wristrocket that is is pretty mean at short ranges.
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It's not about the fish. It's about the pond. Take care of the pond and the fish will be fine. PB subscriber since before it was in color.
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Posts: 657 | From: Hurst & Bowie, Texas | Registered: Jan 2006 | IP: Logged |
Bill Cody
Moderator
Member # 24
Member Rated:
posted July 08, 2006 10:54 PM
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Stay on the topic you guys.
Bruce Condello
Moderator
Member # 1379
Member Rated:
posted July 08, 2006 11:14 PM
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As far as staying on topic, Bill is right.
Deal?
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Posts: 1872 | From: Denton, NE | Registered: Aug 2004 | IP: Logged |
Dave Davidson1
Moderator
Member # 2431
Member Rated:
posted July 09, 2006 08:47 AM
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Deal!
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It's not about the fish. It's about the pond. Take care of the pond and the fish will be fine. PB subscriber since before it was in color.
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Posts: 657 | From: Hurst & Bowie, Texas | Registered: Jan 2006 | IP: Logged |
Mudcat Joe on why fish tail muscles have
)))))))))))))
(((((((((((((
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(((((((((((((
and how they work.
http://www.pondboss.com/cgi-bin/ubbcgi/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=20&t=003047
From Ryan Freeze: (I didn't want to ruin Richard Abernathy's thread).
I may know of some who use Karmex(diuron)in their ponds resulting in crystal clear water and no weeds, and no algae. It is cheap but the negative effect on the pond ecosystem, required permit, and 10 day application process didn't seem worth it. I think the guys I may know just mix it up in a bucket and dump it in. Pretty scary and I'm sure EPA penalties would be steep if they were caught. I have read of Southern catfish farms using it to control blue-green algae but they did so under a special temporary permit. I asked the local fish farm about Karmex and the guy became pretty irritated saying "YOU WANT FROGS WITH FOUR LEGS!?!" ...well...yes... I didn't really answer him but I think he meant more than four legs or four eyes or something.
Ryan's post about the "four legged frogs" made me laugh so hard I had to post the following story.
I was driving around in Central Kansas at 5 a.m. headed for a lake to fish for wipers, when I realized that I had forgotton to procure a fishing license. We were in a fairly sizable town and I stopped at every grocery store that we could find open but nobody had fishing licenses, nor did anyone know where we could get one.
After a frustrating hour of failure, we drove out of town toward the lake, not knowing what to do. As if materializing from thin air we drove by a gas station with an attendant inside. We walked in and I encountered a fella that looked like maybe he wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed.
I looked him square in the eye and said, "Can you sell me an out of state fishing license"?
He paused, tipped his head up a little, scratched under the brim of his cap and replied, "What state ya wantin' to fish in"?
I bought a candy bar and left.
I heard tale that a Karmex study at MSU showed evidence that the fish became stronger, it was linked to a story about Bonds & steroids. The funny part was how did they actually know...a gill press ?
I want frogs with 4 hind legs...I was on vacation when the march of the crawdads was posted. Just read it. Shorty, that is one for the books.
Da legends o Boudreaux .
burgermeister
Lunker
Member # 1766
posted August 10, 2006 02:56 PM
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Bullfrog tadpoles are large and brown/gray, leapards change into frogs when very small.
This reminds me of my buddy Boudreaux:
Boudreaux been fish'n down by de bayou all day and he done run outa night
crawler baits. He be bout reddy to leave when he seen a snake wif a big frog
in his mouf. He knowed dat dem big bass fish like dem frogs, so he decided
to steal dat froggie. Dat snake, he be a cotton mouf water moccasin, so he
had to be real careful or he'd git bit. He snuk up behin' dat snake and
grabbed him roun de haid. Dat ole snake din't lak dat one bit. He squirmed
and wrap hisself roun' Boudreaux's arm try'n to git hisself free. But
Boudreaux, he had a real good grip on de snake's haid, yeh. Well, Boudreaux
pried his mouf open and got de frog and puts it in his bait can. Now,
Boudreaux knows dat he cain't let go dat snake or he's gonna bite him good,
but he had a plan. He reach into de back pocket of his bibs and pulls out a
pint a moonshine likker.
He pour some drops into de snake's mouf. Well, dat snake's eyeballs kinda
roll back in his haid and his body go limp. Wit dat, Boudreaux toss dat
snake into de bayou. Den he goes back to fishin'. !
A while later Boudreaux dun feel sumpin' tappin' on his barefoot toe.
He slowly look down and dare wuz dat water moccasin wif two more
frogs........
Mudcat Joe goes scouting.
heronblu
Lunker
Member # 1117
Member Rated:
posted August 10, 2006 11:48 PM
I did enjoy the scouts. Not many merit badges, and no rank above First Class, but I wouldn’t trade the memories for anything, and having a great scoutmaster who lived the values of scouting helped mold my life and many others.
Mudcat Joe, on the other hand, sez the bestest thing about them scouts is the snipe hunts. “Heck, one time, they took me out, and them worthless scouts musta’ got lost, ‘cause I never seen them no more that night. I never saw no snipe, neither, but I know they done their best for me, so next day I found a hognose snake and left it in their tent for them to play with. Sorta a pet, don'cha know. When they went in to go to sleep, that hog nose musta’ thought they wuz after him, ‘cause he reared up and flared out like a cobra. I could see his shadder on the tent wall, and it was downright purty, but it shore looked big in that lanternlight. Them scouts musta' scared off every snipe in the country with all their yelling and carryin on,” Mudcat sez, with a far away look in his eye. “They scared the hognose, too. He jes’ rolled over like he was ded and proceeded to stink up the place somethin’ awful. Yep, I shore did like that snipe hunt, but they never asked me no more. I don't know why.”
Mudcat's friend,
Lou, Troop 7
The goose grabber.
From
http://www.pondboss.com/ubb/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=20;t=002221#000005 ewest
ML :
Like George's goats those CG ( Bill's quote " flying toilets" ) can be very aggressive. They love new fall grass and will pick a area clean and leave piles for you to deal with. See the PB link from early this year on 20 geese = 1 cow.
http://www.pondboss.com/ubb/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=20;t=001634 --------------------------------------------
Meadowlark
Brettski,
No offense taken, at all.
I understand full well what a fowl bird (water turkeys in my case) can do. The Canadas are very rare here and hence, their appearance is just a delight (but I also subscribe to the Ben Franklin addage that fish and visitors stink after three days ).
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Sunil
ML, how is the new propane cannon working?
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ewest
ML :
Don't stand near those birds when the cannon goes off. They will take off and make a deposit on you quicker than a bass strike.
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mr willy
This doesn't have much in common with the thread but is a funny story just the same. About fifteen years ago there was a guy who used to feed the Canadian geese at a lake in Rochester Minnesota. The city for the most part hated the birds, lots of crapping, getting in the way of cars etc.. A large flock living year round in this partially heated lake. Some people would park their cars by the lake and feed the birds bread, So after a spell the birds became very tame. A mother and her daughter were feeding the geese one day, when the little girl noticed that a goose that had gone under one of the parked trucks and did not come back out. She told her mother about the bird and the two of them watched a second goose disappear the same way. They explained this to a cop who was driving through the parking lot. When the officer went to investigate the four wheel drive truck, he noticed while talking to the driver, that a large hole had been cut out of the trucks passenger floor board and broken pieces of bread in the seat above. This guy was waving the bread through the hole, and when the poor goose would poke his head up into the truck, the enterprising hunter would grab the neck of the bird, spin it around a few times and throw them behind the seat. They found out later on that this old guy had been doing this for years. Maybe we could find this fella and send him ML's way.
Two very good threads are added to the PB funnies. Take a look.
1. Fertilization » All you crazy newbies!! Brettski's analysis
http://www.pondboss.com/ubb/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=9;t=000132;p=1 2. Slave Dog KEEP YOUR FINGERS , TOES AND OTHER ASSORTED BODY PARTS OUT OF THE PROP. ", unless you are a pirate , no wonder Dr. Frankenbruce has so much success his lab is a natural womb. w/ other assoc funnies and the furhead wheel chock.
This afternoon I pulled everything up on shore and found that the power cable had been chomped off!
"is that furhead wheel chock the result of the empty Corona? "
http://www.pondboss.com/ubb/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=20;t=003435;p=
Here is a new one -- take a look!
COUNTRY WESTERN SONG TITLES by heybud
With lyrics and prose by burgermeister
and pictures by Bruce Condello
I was drunk the day my horse got outta prison....
I went.. to pick her up at the local barrr.
Before I could get there.. in my pickup truck..
She got runned over by a damned ole carrr.
http://www.pondboss.com/ubb/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=20;t=003735;p=1#000012
For the funnies. From the winner to the bucket of chicken to the Stooges and more.
http://www.pondboss.com/ubb/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=20;t=003792;p=1 
[/qb][/QUOTE]"What did I tell ya about postin' stuff that Dwight doesn't understand, Possumpuss! Why I outta..."
"Bruce, Eric...CHEESE......nyah-ah-ah-ah-ah!"
Brettski's stooges , the gillie suit and Bigfoot and **** GW's running fish/pond word parody with puns intended !!! **** Enjoy
http://www.pondboss.com/ubb/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=25;t=000071;p=1 
This week's sign of the apocolypse.
I found the following video, which best represents my pond management philophy and style. (Please turn down sound)
Where Brettski explained how NOT to catch a LMB in a hot tub:
Are Tilapia Illegal In Texas? Special Bonus: Gorgeous RES photo by Bruce!
The five main symptoms of laziness.
1.
I'm suprised you got the period in there!
