Pond Boss Forums GENERAL QUESTIONS Pond Boss Dave Davidson Guest-Stars in Dilbert

I needed that to start my day.

After readin' that comic I'm more confused than a school marm at a hold 'em tournament.

Scratch my back with a hacksaw.

If it ain't the hogs, it's the chickens.

I would have posted some funny quip about that but right now I'm busier than a nun at a crayon factory.

I'm telling ya, right now I have more on my plate than a lobster at a pie eating contest.

Actually, speaking Texican is kinda like a code and it isn't in Wikipedia. Saying you have a hitch in yor gidalong is perfectly understandable to native Texuns.

That there's funnier than a sailor at Walmart.

That there Guv of Hurst and Bowie has some tall tales.

My brother was once asked, why us Texas say were "fixin' to do something, or go somewhere". He thought about it for a minute and then answered "what else do you say when you fixin' to do something"

HeyBud, I wuz jest gonna say y'all yankees are fixin' to rile up us Texuns ...

Dave, does that mean you're on the blue pill?

george, evidently it's not just us Yankees.

Ah, clearly another well-educated fan of Mike Lange. Nice, Sunil! You beat those other pasts like a rented mule!

Well, lets see Ric. I'll be 67 next month.

That's almost a thousand of our years.

Well thar ya go!

My Grandkids think I'm old as Methusaleh. I'm not old. George is old. When Methusaleh died, he owed George $10 for fly fishing lessons.

Did you know that there are entire websites devoted to how to speak Texan. Here's some info from one:

Definitions:

* Aggravated – Used to describe everything from mild annoyance to dangerous, murderous rage.
* Conniption – A fit, getting all worked up over something. Example: That child was having a conniption! Someone needed to tan his hide.
* Looker – An attractive person. Example: “Wow! She’s a looker!”
* Over Yonder – Over there.
* Sorry – An adjective meaning worthless, loser, or useless. Enhanced inflection makes it more emphatic. Example: “When I get my hands on that sorry, good-for-nothing punk…”
* Grub – Food. A meal.
* Fixins – An entire meal, excluding the main dish. Example: “I’ll have a hamburger with all the fixins.”
* Directly – In a little while. Example: “Well run down to the ice cream store, directly. For now – finish your supper.”
* Idiot Box – Television
* Dinner – Often times refers to lunch, or the meal in the middle of the day. Sometimes may refer to the evening meal.
* Supper – Almost always refers to the evening meal, but sometimes may mean lunch.
* Howdy – Although it sounds like “how are you”, howdy is more of a salutation like hello, bonjour, guten Tag, etc.
* Fess up – To confess or admit to something.
* Fit to be Tied – very upset.
* Fixin’ to – Preparing to do something. Example: “I’m fixin to go to the store. Do you need anything?”
* Hissy Fit – Same as a conniption.
* Lit Out – Took off, started out, or absconded across some terrain. “He lit out of here as soon as the cops showed up.”


Phrases:

* All Choked Up – Overcome with emotion (other than aggravation). A person is “all choked up” when they are deeply moved by sadness or by the thoughtfulness of others.
* All Worked Up – A state of aggravation, anxiety, or agitation. Example: “There is no need to get yourself all worked up over a little accident.”
* Come Hell or High Water – Determination to do something. Example: I’m going to catch that criminal come hell or high water!
* Tan Your Hide – To give someone a spanking or beating. Example: That child was having a conniption! Someone needed to tan his hide.
* One-legged Man at a Butt-kicking Contest – Not equipped for the task at hand.
* Long-tailed Cat in a Room Full of Rocking Chairs – Nervous.
* A Gnat in a Hail Storm – Not much chance at survival.
* Rode Hard and Put Up Wet – A tired individual who looks somewhat the worse for wear. Refers back to horses that were not taken care of well.
* Beat You Like a Rented Mule – Obviously you don’t want this to happen.
* Whole Nuther Thing – Something else entirely. Usually used to denote another story there isn’t time to relate. Example: I was down at the grocery store when I ran into my neighbor. He’s got this annoying dog, but that’s a whole nuther thing…”
* Plum Wore Out – Fatigued, exhausted; also sometimes used for “worn out” machinery, etc. Example: “After a long hard day I’m plum wore out.”
* All Hat and No Cattle – All show and no go… all talk and no action.
* This Ain’t My First Rodeo – I wasn’t born yesterday. I’ve been around a while. Experienced.
* If it was a snake it’d have jumped up and bit ya – An item “hidden” in plain sight.
* 6 of One, Half Dozen of the Other – Makes no difference. Six eggs is the same as a half dozen. It’s all the same to me.


10 Texas Sayings:

1. There’s two theories to arguin’ with a woman. Neither one works.
2. It’s so hot, the trees are bribing the dogs.
3. Lettin’ the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier’n puttin’ it back in.
4. If you’re ridin’ ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it’s still there.
5. If you get to thinkin’ you’re a person of some influence, try orderin’ somebody else’s dog around.
6. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
7. If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin’.
8. Don’t squat with your spurs on.
9. It don’t take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep
10. Always drink upstream from the herd.
11. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

Oh and DD, you better stop hasslin George. I hear he's fit to be tied. This ain't his first Rodeo. Folks are saying he's fixin to come over there directly and beat you like a rented mule.

Couldn't said it better mahself!

JHAP, I believe I have personally heard DD, Lusk, et alamo make almost all of those statements. I even understand most of them except

but maybe that's because a hot day in Texas is a lot hotter than in Ahia.

...at least he got a new pair of sandals outta the deal

The one I seem to use the most is "UH OH, I bet that's gonna hurt tomorrow."

The one I used to hear the most when I was a kid was "Grab holt boy. This ain't no lookin job."

Nov. 30th huh. Well Dave that'll make you 10yrs smarter than me.

BTW .. the BP's .. they don't work anyway. They just make you more stupid. Asking questions like: "Now what am I going to do?"

When we were telling our dad why we hadn't got something done. He would always say "I don't want to hear about the labor pains, I want to see the baby".