Why did the crawdad cross the road?.... He didn't.
The EPA, emboldened by the passage of recent legislation, decided to try flexing its newfound muscle by making an example out of the crawdad. They declared his habitat a wetlands, which placed it squarely in the realm of "Waters of the United States". He was ordered to cease and desist burrowing, and forcibly evicted.
The crawdad went public with his story, appearing on talk shows, in magazine interviews, and on internet forums. Then one afternoon he was discovered, pincers down, on the asphalt.
There were witnesses of course. The 154,236,488 Gizzard Shad that resided in the 6" of water flowing through the narrow side ditch running alongside the highway, all testified that it was a black suv that stopped, opened the door and shoved the crawdad out before backing up and over his already motionless carapace.
Thus far, no one has been brought to justice, some two weeks after the incident. The 583,257,156 Gizzard Shad have gone into hiding in a private lake, somewhere in Indiana.
