I'm probably just asking the obvious but CoachB, when you constructed your pond did you go through all the required regulations/permits/red tape to get your pond approved? In my mind this has a major impact on how to approach your situation. If your pond was not legally obtained/built/permitted then you have an entirely different set of problems.
If your pond is "legal" then here's my two cents:
If you can solve this through a non adversarial method then you will be happier in the long run.
That being said, IMHO I would prepare for battle first. There is no substitute for knowledge. Find out what rights you have and what rights the neighbor has, determine how the wet lands may play into this picture. If it were me I'd engage an attorney at least for a consultation. Outline the facts as best as you can and discuss this with an attorney that specializes in this area of law. Even if it costs you a few hundred bucks for a consultation, IMHO it will be well worth it.
She has some fears, real or imagined, they need to be identified and addressed. The fears maybe based on unknowns or what ifs, if that is the case then you might want to help her thorough them with facts, best guesses and reassurances.
Rad has an excellent point here. IMHO,
after meeting with an attorney, then sit down with her (and if your wife has a better rapport with the neighbor then let her do it) find out what her concerns and fears are. DO NOT be confrontational with her AT ALL, Do not mention that you have discussed this with an attorney. Simply meet with her, perhaps walk through the area and find out what her concerns and fears are. Don't attempt to problem solve at this point, be nice, smile, do not threaten, do not show your hand as to what you do or do not know.
Although this may not get the popular vote, I'm recommending that you meet with the attorney and determine what legal ramification may come into play
first for several reasons. Over my 29 years in public accounting, I've been involved quite a number of successful business negotiations and court cases. One thing that I've learned is that knowledge is power in a negotiation.
Being right or wrong is less important than fixing the problem to both of your satisfaction.
This quote leads into second important lesson that I have learned which is that how you apply that knowledge/power will affect the potential outcome. Do not become a "right" fighter. Just because you
can take a particular legal action doesn't mean that taking that action will ultimately help you solve the problem.
IMHO, a good attorney will be able to provide you with:
1 - a overview of what the law is (probably in general terms) related to your issue. Several branches of government may be involved in these types of issues (water impoundment and surface water diversion) - federal, state, and local law could ALL apply. As a layman you may not even know all of the regulatory agencies that could come into play. An attorney that specializes in this WILL know.
2 - a plan of action that should be taken immediately (taking photos, perhaps video, etc, etc).
3 - advice on how to proceed with the neighbor, perhaps pointers on what to say and as important if not most important - what NOT to say.
4 - A discussion on what legal course of action will have to occur if the issue cannot be solved in a "friendly" discussion format.
5 - The attorney will be familiar with you and your situation and therefore is more likely to be available quickly should the need arise.
Know this, if JHAP were your unhappy neighbor then I'd have already taken these actions, that's not a threat, it's just a fact. Please note CoachB, I'm in no way criticizing you, nor am I suggesting you did anything wrong. I'm just offering some friendly advice that I learned in my very brief stint in the Boy Scouts. "Be Prepared."
I'd rather go into a peace negotiation with a sheathed sword than go in empty handed.
