The Setup
We have recently seen not only testimonial to the cognitive, piscatorial, and cyano-luminescent enhancing powers of Diet Mountain Dew (DMD), but have also vicious, unwarranted attacks on it (Yes, I'm talking about YOU, Sunil!). We know from Horizontal Aeration that Pondmeisters such as Bob Lusk, Bruce Condello, and myself run on DMD. Lusk depends on it while flying back and forth across the country, from Texas to upstate New York (and beyond), holding down at least three jobs – Editor, Writer, Fisheries Biologist. Bruce utilizes DMD to allow him to complete hour-long dental procedures in under ten minutes, giving him time to surf the World-Wide Web (including this forum) in between patients and to fish 5 ½ days a week. I "need" my DMD to let me suffer through aerospace management BS ideas intermingled with actual engineering all day, then farm all night. (I am considering switching to direct IV application, if only to allow my green glowing teeth to revert to normal.)

The Contest
Correctly match the three refrigerators pictured below with the correct Pondmeister owner listed above (not Sunil).
Fridge #1:

Fridge #2:

Fridge #3:

Delve into this mystery with all the detective skills your intellect can muster! Leave none of the 256 million differently colored pixels unturned in the search for possible clues. Consider the size and location of the refrigerators in question. Are they electric, gas, or wind-powered? See barbeque sauce available only in San Antonio? Ancient citrus fruits covered in a mold found only in the Pacific Northwest? Locally produced cheese not sold outside of Wisconsin? A photo of me you recognize from the Post Office? All these and many more clues could be waiting for you in the photos to solve this caffeinated conundrum.

The Prize
The first entrant to provide the correct answer (or the most correct answer) wins a cube of 24 12-oz cans of DMD provided by yours truly. Contest ends at midnight on Saturday, January 28, 2006.

Who Can Enter?
Anyone can enter. Anyone at all. Anyone, that is, except for employees of Pepsi-Cola, Pond Boss Magazine, Jaeger Wald Farm, and Dr. Frankenbruce & Igor's Discount Dental Practice. Note that this disqualifies Bob and Bruce (and myself). I must also ask these two gentlemen to desist from posting any tidbits of wisdom which could give away the answers to the contest.

What Do I Do to Enter?
Just post your answer right here. Feel free to include the speculations, deductive reasoning, and full color where-are-my-pants, I'm-late-for-math class dreams which led you to your brilliant conclusion. WAGs are welcome and, considering the reportedly unstable nature of myself and Bruce (and possibly Bob Lusk – have you ever actually read the Publisher's Block in Pond Boss Magazine?), will probably be required.

No Purchase Necessary to Win
Although if I could, I'd require you to subscribe to Pond Boss Magazine. You SHOULD subscribe to Pond Boss Magazine. SUBSCRIBE TO POND BOSS MAGAZINE!!!

The Catch
("What, Theo put in a catch?" "Yep, here comes the meadow muffin.") I'm not delivering the DMD to the winner's address. You can stop in at Jaeger Wald Farm (PM or Email for info) to pick it up, OR have it personally delivered to you at a Midwest Regional PB Gathering, as originally proposed by Sunil (yes, I'm talking about YOU, Sunil!) before the idea was absconded and expanded upon by our Southern PB brothers and sisters. Come on, Dew Addicts and OH-PA-MI-IN-KY Pondmeisters, here's an incentive to not let the beer drinkers in Texas and Georgia have all the fun!

P.S. Sunil: If you win, I'll also give you a cat to drink the DMD for you.


P.P.S. Make sure she gets enough Dew, or else she turns into one mean pussy.

This is a hoax. The cat is from New Yawk City. I saw it on TV when they were showcasing Al Sharptons house.

Top picture Theo: His refrigerator has a compartment for "fruits". That would be important to a Ohio Yankee - down South we just go out and pick 'em off the tree (they don't warrent a special compartment in our 'frig). Also, as the prize he mentions the prize of a "Cube" which he is obviously familar with. Plus, whatever is in that white bag is probably yesterday's or tomorrow's lunch.
Middle picture Dr. Bruce: The "frig is sitting on a young kids play table (only one with young kids). He begging for our help with his "in your face " display of DMD.
Bottom picture Bob: FedEx box of homemade goodies from a satisfied customer in NYC. That chilled roll of toilet paper must be a Texas thing.

rmedgar, that's the kind of deductive reasoning I was hoping to see here! If it happens to be correct, it's even better.

Cold toilet paper WOULD come in handy (oooh, free pun!) down in Texas, what with all the red-hot chili they eat 3 meals a day.

The top picture is Condello - this can be evidenced by the spill of DMD that can be seen on the silver wear band on top of the fruits drawer; he was drunk on Jack and spilled a DMD in the fridge. Second, you can see the whole milk which is Condello's preferred drink between 7AM and 10AM due to his stomach ulcer(s) caused by DMD and Jack, mixed of course. No brown liquor before 10:30 AM now.

The middle picture is Lusk. He has the speed-grab set up as can be seen on the fridge door because he thinks he's a busy man. He has calculated that he saves 0.008 seconds each day via the speed-grab set-up (8 DMDs/day x 0.001 seconds saved each time). He is also in temp. living quarters hence the mini-fridge.

The bottom picure is Theo. He is desperately trying to switch to Diet A&W because he's scared
that the luminous nature of his teeth may be
permanent. Plus, he's too cheap to buy cans, hence the two-liter jugs.

Theo , Bob and Bruce top to bottom. just a WAG.

BTW DD I saw that cat on TV at Jessie Jackson's house

The top is Theo. It would take an Engineer to stuff that much crap in a refrigerator and still have room for some type of exotic Mineral water.

Middle is Bruce. His wife won't let him have junk like that in the house. It might change the kids stem cells or something. So, he bought a dorm style refrig to put in the area where he overwinters those wierd, glow in the dark, fish.

The bottom is Lusk. I see blue Gatorade or Powerade or something nasty tasting in the right side of the picture. Its only really needed in Texas, especially in the large size bottles. Also, I'm not sure they sell A & W Root Beer up North but they damn sure do down South. My son, my son, how often must I instruct you on your libations? If you keep on going like this I'll catch you drinking something that tells you to savor the bouquet. Repeat after me: Malt and hops, malt and hops, malt and hops.

This is what happens when I spend the weekend in town. I'm getting worried about myself.

DD :

I am with you that blue g-aid is nasty. Now A&W (not diet) is good in a frosty mug or almost frozen on a hot day.

Eric, almost frozen A & W is my favorite drink on a hot day before the sun goes down(somewhere).

Quit makin' fun of my cat

The top fridge is Bruce's (needs that much Dew to keep the whole family going)
The middle one is Bob's (Flying all over the world solving pond problems, he's the one who needs something in his fridge called "On The Go"
The bottom fridge is definately Theo's (the Fed Ex box contains his meds shipped in from Canada, obviously unopened)

BTW I saw that cat on MTV's Cribs

I would say #2 is Bruce's. Those can's are pretty straight and clean.
#3 I sould say is Bob's. Not much to eat in there, like the cat gets it all.
That leaves Theo with #1.

I saw that cat on "America's Most Wanted".

LOL You can tell that the furry feline has stolen the show!

My vote:

The first picture is Theo's. It is well known that above average IQ space rangers are cluttered. :p
The second picture belongs to Bruce. The cans are neat and organized (almost sterile in appearance), and he has to keep his supply at arms reach in order to map out strange aeration systems at a moments notice.
The third belongs to Bob. Note the abundant water supply needed to help fill in drought stricken Texas ponds.

The cat is a full time resident of Bruce's office. Note the glazed over expression and head tilt. Both are clear signs of her hanging out at the gas tank/mask too often.

Didn't I see that cat in a Pirate movie?

Oh, my gosh! You guys are too funny! There is no doubt that the northern pond bosses are going stir crazy.

Jimmy:

That is classic !!! ROFLOL I need to learn how to copy, edit and post other peoples pics.

Deb:

My college roommate frequently called me a space cadet. I am happy to have graduated to space ranger status!

Jimmy:

It is quite possible. She has made a fair number of movies, most of them Indian language "Bollywood" productions. Here is a still from her most recent movie:


There's a lot of makeup on, but you can tell it's her.

Theo you may be exploiting the cat's talent for your supplemental income, but I still say it is Condello's cat. I hacked his office computer and found two more photos.

This was taken when the cat was in obvious nitrous oxide DT's:


And this one was taken right after the cat had taken a good "hit" from the mask:



Sorry Dave, but Theo's/Bruce's furry friend does not belong to Al Sharpton. I believe however that this one does. The resemblance to her owner is rather scary.

Here's the triploid and the diploid version side by side for those of you considering stocking strategies.

......and here's one, right before it reverts back to a green sunfish.

Bruce I am virtually sticking my tongue out at you.

Out of respect for you (and your high level of intelligence) I was going to refrain from posting the one photo I found of you (in your office computer) while you were "under the influence". But my dear you have now crossed the line...


Take that buddy!

There's a day and a half left before the entry deadline, and I wanted to point out a couple of things to those interested in the Diet Dew Contest:

1) The correct answer has not been submitted yet.

2) If you are reading or writing this, you should probably get a life. :p

Recognize this guy??
I think he sold me some HSB last Fall.

Spooky!


[img]http://www.redsplash.com/ims/pic.php?u=2728E8VpV&i=29261[/img]

Ed :

Is that a Coonhoundello ? :p

That might honestly be the most disturbing thing I've ever seen in my life.

The answer is casual to the most obvious observer, Mr. dear Watson.

1. Lusk, why, well it just is.
2. Condello. Neat and small. Located in the YP shed.
3. Theo. He likes Sears products, and still has the original FedEx. box in which his 'special deal' on 1000 mealy worms was shipped.

So, you don't look in the mirror anymore? :p

ROTFLOL How does a Coonhoundello sound when it is barking and howling while chasing monster male BG or YP around the pond?

Guys, seriously! I'm creeped out. I've already had a day terror. Counseling's not out of the question.

There's nothing better then some good collage work.

I'm with Bruce on this one. The longer you stare at it, the more you feel as if it is going to say something.

Do you need my shrink's phone # Bruce? She is really good (to ALL of my personalities).

After a day like that I usually am comforted by going home and talking to the dog (coonhoundello fishing dog) that is. Hang in there its Friday.

Deb, your dad's 33 or so yrs. of counseling didn't do the trick? Or is this Debra...or maybe GG woman.

Dad is a retarded/retired shrink (old joke between us), so I just use him as backup. Besides he refuses to see more than one client per session, and I tend to jump between personalities a lot. :p

Burger he did his best with me over the past 33 plus years, but this forum has disturbed the rest of my better halves. Actually I think a lot of them saw how they could relate to the other multiples on board here. :p

I agree Deb, it's kinda creepy. The brown/black hair, the long floppy ears, and the eyes, the eyes just seem to follow you everywhere:

Bruce, I just goes to show, you have to be very careful where you post your pet's images. There are some really creative hackers out there.

BTW, whose coon hound is that with the big rainbow in his paws?

An exorcism is more in order with this mob! Non carborundum Coonhoundello! :p

Hey Theo,

You mean something like this:


Now I think we are REALLY freaking Bruce out!

ROTFLOL ROTFLOL :p

I did not know that Coonhoundello fish hounds could stand on their hind legs or that they were that adept at HSB retrieval.

Very nice RT & HSB though !!!

The hat really makes the man - er - whatever the H it is.

Sometimes I feel bad for the effects I may have had on people. But I usually just laugh. :p

That's for dang sure.

This is by far the nost insane/funny thread I've seen. So where did this post take a wrong turn? Oh yeah with Theo starting it. What's the chance of that happening?

Bruce :

I am forced, as un-official PB Librarian, to add this thread to the list of PB funnies.

Hey, y'all quit pickin' on my buddy....

This is what happens when you drink too much DMD.


http://hometown.aol.com/jlygas/myhomepage/bubba.bmp

Works for ( I think it's a )women also.


http://hometown.aol.com/jlygas/images/bubba\'s%20baby.bmp

Just Joe some help! edit your post and surrounded your url like this: [,img]http://hometown.aol.com/jlygas/myhomepage/bubba.bmp[,/img] (remove the commas) and the picture will show up in your post.

With those pics. in the thread I might have to remove the thread from the funny post thread archive. I don't want anyone to get sick when they see them. Nasty !!

Can you in your wildest dreams think what the picture would be without the umbrella.

Leave the link. That photo doesn't need to come up.

Ditto. The image of the me-dog has already messed my mind up enough.

ROFLOL!! Oh come on everyone. Those photos will not diminish the quality of this thread by even a little bit!

Didn't I see the Coonhoundello in a movie as a Mad Scientist raising Killer Yellow Perch

You've got to feel bad for Theo. A perfectly good, serious pond subject matter like Diet Dew and cats degenerating into THIS mess!?!

What happened to Coonhoundello's left ear? Looks like someone tried to edit with an etch-a-sketch. Or maybe he got it in the aquarium by accident. Those perch eat everything except eyeballs? The quality of this thread has reached a new low! :rolleyes:

I think that hijacking Theo's thread was in bad taste.

Signed,

Nigel Incubator-Jones of Henley

Theo :

Can you by chance get CB1's dog Lassie to talk to the Coonhoundello fishing dog and see what he thinks about all those out of state people coming to his home. Maybe you can interpret for us. As you know that dog can really fish and I would hate for him to try and catch a Lusk or a Willis on a large HSB hook.

Is this a sobriety test after ingesting 20 cubic feet of laughing gas?

The BIG question is Did anyone win the cube of DMD?

Jimmy I don't think anyone guessed the right answer. The real question is WHO won the award for insanity?

Okay, I've finally stopped laughing and throwing up simultaneously, and will attempt to wrap up the contest. I really have no hope of wrapping up the thread ("IT'S ALIVE!!!"). When I was in Grad School, I had an undergrad lab I was teaching get out of control, pretty much like this thread. (Shudder!) In short, Jimmy was right when he said "So where did this post take a wrong turn? Oh yeah with Theo starting it."

No one submitted a totally correct answer. IMHO there is a three-way tie for the MOST correct answer. I have decided these lucky winners will not have to split a Cube of Diet Mountain Dew ("DMD" forever henceforth), but are eligible for a twelve-pack each, under the delivery terms listed at the start of the contest. I had to make it a twelve-pack of DMD; 8 cans won't even get a man through the morning.

The Winners:

rmedgar was the first to identify that Fridge #1 belongs to me, Theo. Great use of Yankee fruit habits in your thinking! PB HUMOR HALL OF FAME candidate for the invention of refrigerated toilet paper! (BTW, that's actually an old Betty Crocker Cake Icing container full of Purina Fish Chow.)

Sunil was the first identify that Fridge #3 belongs to me, Theo. I will have to renege on my promise to also turn over Dixie the TV Cat to you. (My daughter would kill me in my sleep. Plus, the cat's been shown to have lots of acting income, so I'm going to start charging her rent. Kind of the opposite of Steve Martin's cat embezzling from him.) But I will arrange a visit to the excellent Knox County (Ohio) Animal Shelter where Dixie came from, so you can get an equally valuable cat.
P.S. Cans are for "on the go." At home I drink from 2-liter bottles. Straight. Chugging. Who's a pussy now?! :p

NOBODY correctly guessed who owns Fridge #2. (If you did, I missed it in repeated readings. Show me where you did, and you get a 12-pack too.) Fridge #2 belongs to me, Theo.

Which takes us to our third winner, Dave Davidson, who right off the bat noted that this was some kind of hoax. (Nice to know that DD's finally developed the ability to smell the meadow muffins before stepping in them!) If you carefully read the contest announcement, no where does it state that the fridges belong to different people.
P.S. That "Mineral Water" is "General Tsao's Sauce." Nice try.

Honorable Mentions, good for one can of DMD each:
Jimmy for thinking the FedEx box contained my meds shipped in from Canada. Actually, my day job has good prescription drug coverage and the meds get shipped in from Washington state USPS.
Debra King for very politely pointing out my Space Ranger status.
burgermeister who correctly guessed that the FedEx box contains mealworms. Just for a snack - they're great for dunking in DMD!
And finally Bob Lusk and Bruce Condello for being good sports and keeping the (TV) cat in the bag while I made fun of our mutual affliction. I utilized pictures of my own Dew-laden fridges because it would be degrading to post pictures of another man's refrigerator. Here's Bruce's:

Ponders Choice Thread Awards:
Edward P. Eitel- We will always be in your debt for the great photo-creatography of Coonhoundello.
Debra King- Wiper Fishing Houndello award.
Theo Gallus- Cat-tography creativity award
Bruce Condello- Takes a ribbing and keeps on kicking award.
Just Joe- Bad taste in photos award.

Tragic as it is being last on the list I still made the grade with the misfits. Have a good one.

Theo I thank you for my honorable mention and free can. Once again you have brought joy upon this forum.
I must however decline my free beverage. I am currently in a weight battle to the tune of 50 lbs (thank you to my screwed up hormone family post IVF, pregnancy, and a hysterectomy), and I feel that "green tooth syndrome" would only weaken my self-esteem further. :p
So if you will please grab my can of DMD, pop the top, and make a toast on my behalf to ALL of the members here who continue to share time, intellect, and humor.


side note to Joe: I do not appreciate you hacking into my home computer and posting one of my Christmas pictures. That is my favorite green dress, and the red umbrella was a gift from a special client.

Oops Busted

Theo, I also thank you for the honorable mention, though, after much soul searching over the weekend, must decline the DMD. I am no pussy and prefer the full blown sugar and caffeine version. Also a 10 cent dew and contestant pays the freight, I had rather you give it to charity.

Theo hijacking his own thread. That reminds me of the commercial where the business exec. is "sticking it to himself". I am not a big commercial guy, but that one makes me laugh every time.

Theo, Thanks for the mention of my name in your contest. To accept the prize would void my "amateur status" as a drinker (I'm a real light -weight). Please accept my gift of my winnings and pound down a couple and keep the humor coming.
Randy

I too, appreciate the honorable mention, but alas will have to decline the DMD. Please give my can to That most talented of cats Dixie.

Quote from Theo Gallus:

And finally Bob Lusk and Bruce Condello for being good sports and keeping the (TV) cat in the bag while I made fun of our mutual affliction. I utilized pictures of my own Dew-laden fridges because it would be degrading to post pictures of another man's refrigerator. Here's Bruce's:
_______________________________________________

My favorite line in the entire thread.

Get this: It would be degrading to post pictures of another man's refrigerator, and in the same breath "Here's Bruce's". :p Glad Theo doesn't mind degrading me.

Boy, am I glad I didn't win. That stuff would probably be a terrible mixer.

Glad you noticed, Bruce!

BTW, I have forwarded the entire thread to Pepsi-Cola and they were very impressed, so much so a future ad campaign was mentioned. So don't be surprised if, based on Deb's, BM's, rmedgar's, Jimmy's, and DD's most recent posts, you see this new DMD slogan:

"Diet Mountain Dew - You Can't Give It Away!"